Blaizze

Well.. Here I am crawling back once again to these forums after relapsing for, I don't even know how many times anymore. *sigh* I am so tired of this, but I can't seem to break the cycle. All I am doing is isolating myself from those around me with my addiction. This time instead of almost losing my life, I almost lost my job and my closest friend. *sigh* AA doesn't seem to help, or I am not working the program right. Probably the latter since I can't seem to do anything right. Blegh. Anyways. Vent session complete. I will go back to lurking for now.

Coldfusion

Please don't just lurk, and it helped me a lot to go to meetings and work the program with a sponsor.

Dee74

Hi Blaizze - welcome back

if what you've been doing isn't working maybe it's time to try something new - or a new tack on an old approach?

KateL

And keep reading and posting xx

least

Glad you're back. Wouldn't it be nice to live a sober life? To actually be present? To have no drunken regrets?

I finally gave it up over four years ago and only regret not doing it sooner.

kittenfuzz

I just signed on to this site, and your post is quite similar to mine. Even the blegh, but mine was blahh. Haha. I hope you find peace, alcohol is the most detrimental substance. I wish it never was. What is your age?

Blaizze

Thanks for the support guys. I knew that I could count on some friendly faces here. I have bounced in and out of here like a pinball. But I know I need to stay. Kittenfuzz (love the name btw), I'm 26.

Blaizze

Yeah, I am trying to see if maybe I can get myself back in to a treatment center. Maybe this time something will click. I should know more in a week or so. In the mean time, just gunna go to meetings when I can.

kittenfuzz

Hahaha! I know...nothing is cuter than a kitten fuzz. The ones where they're just so baby kitten fuzzy! Thanks
26 is so young... Im 28, almost 29 (march). I've been drinking for 11 long years. Lost every job I had in the past two years, and that would be about 10. 10 jobs in two years I'm a walking disaster, once a month. What kind of drinker are you?

Blaizze

I feel like a walking disaster. So I definitely understand. I don't feel young lol. Been drinking for 10 years. I tend to be a by myself binge/heavy drinker. Blackouts, benders, the works I guess. Had the DT's several times (should probably be dead). Been through a 4 week treatment program once. And trying to go back again, if my job (that I didn't lose thank goodness) will let me.

Hevyn

Blaizze and kittenfuzz - at least you two are reaching out for help & trying to do something about your addiction. In my 20's I would never have considered stopping - just kept on trying to control what I drank. Decades later I was brought to my knees by it. This never has to happen to you.

Glad you are here and figuring out how to get it right this time. You can do it.

kittenfuzz

You are my twin. IM 28, went to rehab last summer, it was amazing. in Canada, its free. but it didnt help, if only rehab was eternal.

Dee74

welcome to SR Kittenfuzz

D

Blaizze

Yeah, rehab was free for me to. Offered through my job (since my job is kind of my life, being in the military and all). I went to rehab in March 2012. I wish it were eternal too haha. It was so much easier with all the support there. But I wasn't ready to stop drinking then, and I think I am finally ready.

thecultsection

VENT! VENT! VENT! Get it all out of you. You're in a safe place to share your troubles.
Best of luck to you.

kittenfuzz

you know, drinking and alcohol is so glamorized though out our culture. you go watch a movie and it makes it look so appealing. ******* media. do you have that perspective too? i hear you when say you enjoyed the safety of rehab, the structure element, ****, i wanna be there forever. youre in the military?

marchHazel

Hello, Yeah you remind me of myself as I slipped yesterday and am just starting again now. Im down about it. I was doing so well and then all of a sudden Im loaded. I know i make the choice but I seem to go on auto pilot and everything goes out the window. I can get really down on myself too and that does no good.

Good luck and hang in.

Blaizze

Yup, the structure, the counseling, the routine. It was nice. Yeah, I am in the military. Move around alot, spent 4 years overseas, etc. It really is glamorized, and it's flipping irritating. It's too ingrained in our culture to change though.

Blaizze

Yeah, I seem to do the same thing. Something just flips, and the next thing I know I am 3 sheets to the wind. I only went to the grocery store to buy stuff for dinner, and I came back with a bottle of Gin..... Blegh. I am pretty hard on myself too, harder then most people think is necessary lol. But it's how I have always been.

kittenfuzz

My brother was in the military, we are from russia, so he was mandated, he has never been the same. is the american as ****** up as the russian arm?