Erod

can you anyone help me. Where I live we had alot of snow.....an my live in is'nt working but always shovels to get money to drink. I'm gettin gsick of it because the only thing he contributes is a small check 88 dolers a month and he makes sure it all goes on food. beleive me he eats well over 88 dollers himself. Well here is what I should'nt have done. As an alnon perosn and in Reovery for many many years myself. I looke din his wallet as he's passed out. He has $117.00 and I'm sure he made well over $140 from how drunk he was when I got home. I know in my heart he's using me to an extent and I do beleive he loves me. When he's not drinking...we are two peas ina pod we are actually ingaged,..but once he moved in (Ye sno job then, stupied me) he doe'sn give me nothing, he makes. Now I'm looing for an alanon point of view---menaing you must relize I'm in love with this man. I'm really close to thinking we shoudl seperate for awhile. I feel liek such a fool Yet Agian. when will I learn. I swear when I was drunk...over 20 years ago. I never used poeple,..maybe barrowed moeny from family (I know I knwo that is in it's own way but never did I not pay my way. I'd barrow until my next paycheck.

SoaringSpirits

>>>I know in my heart he's using me to an extent and I do beleive he loves me.<<<

People who love us don't use us. You can't control what he does, only what you do.

Have you read "Codependent No More"?

honeypig

If you're an Alanon person and in recovery for many years, then you likely know what's going on already and what's wrong with it.

I saw someone post recently that "you may not have a problem, only a solution that you don't like." I suggest perhaps that is the situation you find yourself in now.

Truly, you know what you need to do already, don't you?

atalose

As an al-anon member I would say this is all about you, not his drinking, not how much money he got shoveling or what is left in his wallet. Not about how much he gives you or for what.

It's about boundaries, your boundaries and what they are and how your going to reinforce them to help yourself live a more peaceful life.

Moving forward from today, what boundaries could you put in place for yourself so that you no longer will feel used by this person?

Maybe add up all of your expenses, rent/mortgage, heat, water, lights, cable then divide that by 2 and tell him beginning Feb 1 he must give you that amount by the 15th of each month other simile he needs to find some place else to live.

Right now he really doesn't have to work or give you any more then 88.00 a month, life is extremely easy for him, easy for him to continue putting himself and his drinking first. Doesn't sound like you have made any boundaries with him.

Leana

I don't think you need an al-anon opinion, I think you know exactly what is going on but are just afraid to face it. He's using you for shelter, food, a place to pass out when drunk, and who knows what else. If your happy with this arrangement then stay, if you think you deserve more out of life...then throw him to the curb.