My story (will sound familiar)
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 24
My story (will sound familiar)
I'm writing this because it will help me to tell my story - for most of you its nothing new. From what I read i am either ending the early stage or beginning the middle stage of alcoholism. For a long time I enjoyed drinking and getting drunk - like most of my friends. Then i started feeling like a weekend night out that did not include getting drunk was a wasted opportunity. I have managed a wonderfully happy marriage, kids and successful career which is going as well as ever ... BUT i have known for several years that I am an alcoholic.
If i have a reason not to drink, like i'm driving or i have someplace to be with my kids, i can very simply say NO. However, if i take 1 sip of wine, i am a man on a mission ... 1 sip now equals 1 to 2 bottles almost every time and if it doesn't i am feeling bad about not being able to finish getting drunk. I have managed to avoid doing anything really stupid or in causing any big problems but i know that i should only feel lucky about that and that my streak will eventually end.
One day about 8 years ago before i came to terms with being an alcoholic i had a sudden urge to stop drinking and be healthy and i did not drink for 2 years ... then just like that one day, was sitting on a dock with a bunch of guys drinking beer and said, yes, i will take one. Since then, alcohol has been an important part of my life.
I am very into my health - i think very careful about food choices and i exercise 6 days a week - and now i am seriously worried that alcohol is going to kill me and at the very least its negating all the other good health choices i am making. I wish i could go back to the early days of drinking but i know there is not reversing.
I have been reading forums, big book and getting ready to quit and now i am ready. There was one more step i had to make - i was feeling very ashamed and also did not want to burden my amazing wife with my problem so i planned to keep this to myself and just fix it. To be honest i know that pride is part of my problem. I also know that if i tell her then i will have her help which means i can't decide on my own to just change my mind or fool myself into thinking i've over-reacted and i'm really fine. Well, last night after drinking 1 1/2 bottles of wine i was feeling my usual regret and i told her that i know i am an alcoholic. I was not expecting her reaction. She said, i know you are. In all my personal obsession i did not realize how obvious this is - that alone was sobering. I told her i need to stop. She said, if you cannot just have one drink then yes, you do, because this will eventually kill you.
I think i just took the last step, which was to get over the mental hurdle that i can beat this through resolve and will power. I now know that i cannot simply overpower this ... i am humbled by this and by all of the stories i've read here. I am sincere about really giving this over to my higher power. I am approaching this with confidence and humility if that makes sense. I do not feel ashamed. Phew, that helps to get that all out. Just in case the alcohol tries to fool me again, i can remind myself that my grandfather was a recovering alcoholic also. I am not worried about detox ... i regularly go weeks at a time without drinking if the situation is not allowing me to drink - the tough part for me will be all the associations i have with drinking. Please wish me strength.
If i have a reason not to drink, like i'm driving or i have someplace to be with my kids, i can very simply say NO. However, if i take 1 sip of wine, i am a man on a mission ... 1 sip now equals 1 to 2 bottles almost every time and if it doesn't i am feeling bad about not being able to finish getting drunk. I have managed to avoid doing anything really stupid or in causing any big problems but i know that i should only feel lucky about that and that my streak will eventually end.
One day about 8 years ago before i came to terms with being an alcoholic i had a sudden urge to stop drinking and be healthy and i did not drink for 2 years ... then just like that one day, was sitting on a dock with a bunch of guys drinking beer and said, yes, i will take one. Since then, alcohol has been an important part of my life.
I am very into my health - i think very careful about food choices and i exercise 6 days a week - and now i am seriously worried that alcohol is going to kill me and at the very least its negating all the other good health choices i am making. I wish i could go back to the early days of drinking but i know there is not reversing.
I have been reading forums, big book and getting ready to quit and now i am ready. There was one more step i had to make - i was feeling very ashamed and also did not want to burden my amazing wife with my problem so i planned to keep this to myself and just fix it. To be honest i know that pride is part of my problem. I also know that if i tell her then i will have her help which means i can't decide on my own to just change my mind or fool myself into thinking i've over-reacted and i'm really fine. Well, last night after drinking 1 1/2 bottles of wine i was feeling my usual regret and i told her that i know i am an alcoholic. I was not expecting her reaction. She said, i know you are. In all my personal obsession i did not realize how obvious this is - that alone was sobering. I told her i need to stop. She said, if you cannot just have one drink then yes, you do, because this will eventually kill you.
I think i just took the last step, which was to get over the mental hurdle that i can beat this through resolve and will power. I now know that i cannot simply overpower this ... i am humbled by this and by all of the stories i've read here. I am sincere about really giving this over to my higher power. I am approaching this with confidence and humility if that makes sense. I do not feel ashamed. Phew, that helps to get that all out. Just in case the alcohol tries to fool me again, i can remind myself that my grandfather was a recovering alcoholic also. I am not worried about detox ... i regularly go weeks at a time without drinking if the situation is not allowing me to drink - the tough part for me will be all the associations i have with drinking. Please wish me strength.
You are smart to quit before it gets worse.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Newcastle
Posts: 908
Welcome to SR kluhs!
Your story sounds very familiar. Everyone around me knew I had a problem a long time before I admitted it to myself.
Sounds like you have a great plan though. There is loads of support here, you can do it
Your story sounds very familiar. Everyone around me knew I had a problem a long time before I admitted it to myself.
Sounds like you have a great plan though. There is loads of support here, you can do it
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Rural Colorado
Posts: 376
Welcome! I am like you in terms of exercise and eating well and I know the wine was negating the positive things I was doing for myself. I am glad you have the support of your wife and are ready to make this step forward.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Rocky Mountains
Posts: 115
Good for you and welcome! Your story sounds very similar to mine. I think admitting things to your wife is huge. Now you're accountable. No putting the toothpaste back in the tube. I had a similar conversation with my husband and knew I'd be quitting. It felt like a relief to finally have it out in the world and out of my head. You can do this.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
welcome!! congratulations, and you can do this!!
That said - I was a little concerned by your wording when you said "take the last step"....
Because I think you're now, finally, ready to really BEGIN taking the steps.
Stopping drinking is only a piece of sobriety, as I have learned the sort of hard way. I'm glad though that I'm beginning to understand that in time to still not lose it all and find myself in a horrible, desperate place that so many others have.
You're on the right track. May your awareness and willingness grow and may you take the actions to do the work of sobriety!
That said - I was a little concerned by your wording when you said "take the last step"....
Because I think you're now, finally, ready to really BEGIN taking the steps.
Stopping drinking is only a piece of sobriety, as I have learned the sort of hard way. I'm glad though that I'm beginning to understand that in time to still not lose it all and find myself in a horrible, desperate place that so many others have.
You're on the right track. May your awareness and willingness grow and may you take the actions to do the work of sobriety!
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