CaliButterfly

Ok, so this is baffling me and I would like to know if anyone else experiences this. I have been drinking for about 8 years (I'm 47 now). During the day, the thought of alcohol is repulsive, as are cigarettes. I don't crave it, I don't want it, someone could put a big bottle of Greg Goose in front of me and I would pass. But once the sun goes down, all I want is a drink & a smoke. Wth?

mecanix

I think we all have habitual times and situations for lots of things in our lives .
I think i read somewhere that habits take about 4 weeks to "break" a habit . I certainly found things easier going after a month or so .

Keep on

Bestwishes, m

KateL

That is unusual. Perhaps it's something about night time that gets on your nerves? x

CaliButterfly

GREG Goose? LMAO!! Grey goose... stupid fingers... Now if I could get those 4 weeks under my belt again I could see the bigger picture. Time to have another talk with my AV. Problem is, I don't have the drive I know I need to quit for good. I'll keep reading...

Nonsensical

I have found those talks are most effective when they go like this:

Nonsensical: NO!

Sometimes I add some curse words.

CaliButterfly

Nonsensical, you are one of my favorite posters. You make me laugh and put things in the best perspective, at the same time. Thx so much...

least

What do you think would truly motivate you to quit? The longer you drink, the more likely it is that something bad could happen. Why take the chance?

RobbyRobot

If you really crave it after sundown, then you crave it at other times as well, but you've conditioned yourself to ignore and disassociate from the before sundown experiences. You know of course, you can use the same techniques for beating down those addictive wants after sundown too... of course you do... denial is a wondrous thing. Conditioning is too.

mecanix

I think for me one of the motivators for getting and staying sober was how many more years of my life was i willing to throw away chasing the vague chance i might one day be able to control my drinking in a moderate and responsible way .

When i realised at least 15 years had gone by and i'd achieved nothing much, just dug myself deeper in a hole . I thought i might be lucky and have 30 good years ahead of me if i got sober and stayed that way … might only have 5 or 10 poor ones if i didn't or maybe less than that .

What did i want ? 10 years or hangovers and can't remembers, unreliable and not there for friends and family ? risking my job , my livelihood … or possibly 30 years where i might be there for family and people , do some good works , see and do some fun things , have a laugh , have some nice holidays .

Both journeys have the same destination , i'm in no rush to get there . I might stick around and stay sober a while and see what arises

Bestwishes, m

CaliButterfly

Denial? Not likely. You don't have to forcibly condition yourself to refrain from something that makes you feel bad, it's a basic pleasure/pain response. If I smoke during the day, it gives me a headache and makes me feel like utter crap. Only smoke at night and less than half a pack a day since I started 25 years ago. Same with alcohol. I have no craving whatsoever during the day because it makes me feel horrible. I think it's something about the sunlight. Like right this very moment. I feel the same every day as I did before my addiction when I drank a half a glass of wine maybe twice a year. I drink to numb my feelings, to make me feel better. I have the same sadness, depression, loneliness during the day, but I never have the urge to drink those feelings away. The craving is honestly just not there. I stayed sober for almost a year until last August by using techniques to shift my focus, change my habits, meditate, give up control to my higher power, etc. But I still knew that I enjoyed drinking at night. That's the difference. I'll give another example. I used to LOVE ice cream & sweets. Couldn't go more than a day without them. I had surgery for a medical issue, and now those things make me physically ill. I can't eat more than a bite or two and they make me sick. So surprise, I no longer crave them. If there is no immediate negative effect, the body will continue to want what it finds pleasurable, it's a primal brain reaction. Kind of like Pavlov's Dog... So IMO, I have to disagree that I just need to find the same conditioning techniques...

IWillWin

Cali - what about Antabuse? Based on your post above, seems like it may be an option to explore for you.

I don't have any experience with it personally, but many here do and I post this in hope someone who knows more than me can explain what it is. Of course, a doctor's supervision and prescription are required but might be worth a shot.

EndGameNYC

Why is that bars are typically dimly lit?

CaliButterfly

Antabuse... hmmm. I will definitely have to surf the net and research it. Thanks so much for the suggestion, I would have never known!

CaliButterfly

OMG Endgame, that is too funny... something that never occurred to me.. Why IS that, really?

Carlotta

My Theory:
I think it has to do with housekeeping and cost. Drunk people are really messy and at any given time can generate uncanny body fluids.
Even if the cleaning crew is excellent, some stains will just not go away so it s easier and cheaper to hide them by keeping the lights low rather than change the urine, feces, blood, puke stained flooring and furniture on a regular basis.
And let it be another reason I never went to bars even when I was drinking. Yuck!

RobbyRobot

Sorry, I'm not meaning to tell you what is going on with yourself. I'm only talking from my experience as an alcoholic. For me denial was part of my makeup and is a classic trait with alcoholics. The other thing for me, is my cravings didn't have a time clock they just came and kept on coming thereafter until I satisfied them or otherwise brought them to extinction. We all have our own stories with cravings. Sure, sometimes stronger, sometimes in waves, sometimes barely there. My comment on your other post comes from my misunderstanding that you were already aware of how controllable cravings actually are when we decide enough is enough. I'm really not suggesting that all you need to do is find the same conditioning since using denial eventually is unworkable - I was really just suggesting that at night time you were actually allowing yourself to feel the cravings, and other times you were not. I guess that didn't come thru from me very well.

Hey, I hope you find what works for you. Cravings are never simplistic was my experience when I had them. It's amazing though how many ways we can use to get past them and eventually they simply stop and become extinct.

Dee74

I think it's more common than you may realise, CB.

when I started as a drinker, drinking was my wind down for the day after a hard day at the office.
I conditioned myself to that over a few years - maybe you did too?

there was a second level of conditioning too - night was my lonely, bored time...drinking helped it pass faster, and it seemed, at least in the beginning, that booze helped me to sleep....

put those two together and you'd have a pretty powerful what you might call emotional muscle memory?

D

caboblanco

I think thats why some alcoholics pull the shades all the way down and wallow in a dark room. I never liked sunny days when i was depressed either..the sun cut me like daggers

Cheydinhal

I agree with Cali! Even though I'm new to the site, Nonsensical is one of my favorite posters too - the quote underneath all your posts was the most brilliant I've ever read!

Cheydinhal

This is a long shot, but maybe it has something to do with the sun and Vitamin D? I went to a doctor and had my vitamin d levels checked and they were extremely low so I started taking liquid vitamin d drops each morning. I call it my liquid sunshine because during the dark winter months it clears up my depression and helps me immensely.