Mrrryah1

27 year old female here. Alcohol and pill junkie, been struggling with full blown addiction since the age of 15.Well I am 2 days sober after a bender that almost cost me everything (and still might). I did some scary things that I can barely remember. Just flashes of insanity. Two car accidents, many blurry trips to the liquor store driving drunk, various AA people coming to visit me, OD in the hospital, almost lost my job, still might, and some other disgusting things that I won't even mention. The scary thing is I have zero recollection as to why I picked up or when or where in the first place. None at all. I want to die today the internal pain and disgust with my actions and the consequences that may still come up are just.... I am so defeated it is unreal. But I've said that before so can I even trust my brain this time?? I don't know but I am seriously lacking hope today. I am so so defeated and I can't do this ever again. I need some hope here. Chronic relapser is not a fun thing to be. I just want it to end so badly one way or another....

diffingo911

Welcome, Mrrryah1 !

Have You tried Praying - to - Something----Anything....?

It Might be a Good start...

Dee74

Hi Mrrryah1

I really believe there is always hope - even after the most disastrous of bottoms, we can turn things around.

SR was instrumental in that for me. I hope you'll find the help you need here too.

Yesterday, as bad as it was is over. It never needs to be that bad again (

Welcome aboard

D

Mrrryah1

Thanks guys, this is my first time on the site and first post . I appreciate the support big time.... I'm having a really hard time. I've been praying a lot. It's all I can do I'm so scared...

Thepatman

Hi and welcome to SR! You are still young, making the steps that can change your life. Remain positive and make a plan, find a support system like you did here.

The past is the past, now is now, a new life is waiting, make the steps ;-)

OliveDog

Welcome, Mrrryah1.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. This is a great resource. There are many people here who will be able to offer you wise encouragement, advice, and perspective. No matter how bad things seem now and how uncertain the future, you can get through it -- stronger, saner, and healthier. It's a positive sign that you're looking for support.

Best,
ODog

Finnie

Hi, just wanted to post and tell you to relax. What's done is done and can't be undone.
The only thing you have control over and that you should put your effort into is your sobriety. Everything else will get better with time. Your alcoholism and addiction will get worse.

I'm only 19 days today but it can be done.SR really helped me through.

PurpleKnight

Hey Mrrryah1, Welcome to the Forum!!

You'll find hope in the fact that you are Sober TODAY, and you don't have to go back to that place in the past!

YOU get to decide what happens from now on, and tomorrow, you'll have another TODAY!!

Hevyn

Welcome to the family Mrrryah1. I think it will really help you to be here with us. The support & encouragement are amazing.

I was in the same situation when I first came here. My drinking was causing me to do dangerous & risky things. I'd been drinking many years, but it had progressed to a new level. I had to quit to save my life. I'm glad you've made this big decision and are reaching out. Please try to be kind and patient with yourself. No one deliberately sets out to destroy themselves. Thankfully this never has to happen to you again.

Mrrryah1

Thanks so much guys.

Johnston

Welcome!

mavrick

Good luck Mrrrya1.

Petecrab

Welcome.
What's happened has happened. What's important now is that you concentrate on recovery.
You've taken the first step coming here and posted, and they say the first step is always the hardest!
I found new hobbies to try do in the early stages to help take my mind off it, not easy but it helps.

PC

least

I'm glad you found us and joined the family. No one is hopeless. There is always hope if you want it bad enough. Try to take things just one day at a time, one thing at a time. You can't undo the past but you can make a better future.

Imabuleva

I'm on day 2, but luckily I didn't do anything nuts during my last bender.

I've got some physical pain I'm dealing with, though. We can get better, but our alcoholism will only get worse.

KateL

Welcome x

Carlotta

to the family. I think you will like it here. It is a very supportive place.
Why don't you join us at the 24 hours club where we commit not to drink or drug for the next 24 hours? It is a fun supportive way to hold ourselves accountable and before you know it, those days do pile up.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ml#post4421858
Opivotal is also facilitating a recovery meeting in the chat room tonight at 7 pacific time if I am not mistaken. I won't be attending but many nice folks will be there.

Mrrryah1

I experienced the craziest withdrawals by myself last night. Paralyzing fear and hallucinations, I was screaming in my bed just sweating and shaking profusely. And I am so disgusted that I could bring myself to that physical point. I've never experienced it like that before. I hope my level of fear will keep me sober for good. God willing. I am so scared.

Carlotta

If you hallucinate, you might be going through the DTs. If you can afford it, you should go to your doctor or the hospital. I don't want to scare you but better safe than sorry. Alcohol withdrawal can be very dangerous plus why suffer when the doctor might be able to prescribe something to help you?

serious

you are not alone. (i went through a very similar night of pure hell 2 days ago. i am praying for a little sleep tonight... and while yesterday was pretty bad, it was still an improvement).
we are resilient. we can recover.

you are still young, you have your whole life ahead of you. the past is in the past.
as much as i hate being alone at night and honestly scared of how things will work out, i also know that this too shall pass. i know you probably don't feel like there's any hope now (well, neither do i). but the sun is always shining above the clouds.
just wait for the storm to pass.