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Point me in the right direction
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 18
Point me in the right direction
I am a non looking for the correct place to ask those who have been addicted (specifically cocaine) after a strange experience with a friend, that kind of has my head spinning. I want to make sure AI post in the right place so i dont trigger anyone etc. etc.
I have questions about things from a cocaine users perspective
I have questions about things from a cocaine users perspective
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Welcome to the Forum, here is just fine to ask your question, this is the newcomer section, though we do have a friends/family section, which might also be helpful!! 
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
Friends and Family of Substance Abusers - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by EverySngleNight 
I don't think there's too much that would surprise anyone around here
not proud of it
but
most recovered drunks and addicts have too many times seen and done it all
Mountainman
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 18
my question is mainly about projection i guess. I did my best in a friendship that started, really liked this guy, but after a while i realized he was an addict. it didnt last long, but at the end he was very condescending and even said something about hoping I got the help i needed, etc. Im so frustrated. is this common, he began ignoring me and i feel horrible, sinking into depression. i realize alot of people on this forum have bigger issues with loved ones (families, longer relationships, kids, etc) so i even feel silly for being this obsessed andhurt. story below
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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I recently had a run in with a cocaine addict and im so confused. I feel like ive been really really manipulated. We no longer speak, I feel I know I have stuff to work on because my days feel gloomy now, like I miss him and his confusing behavior...and i hate that i actually miss this. How can I become one of these women who just sees this guy as a sinking ship
but i cant stop dwelling and trying to understand. understand how he felt? what he wanted? This person came on strong, but was hot cold. He was more bold and sexual than most guys. Im naive but I knid of liked it I guess so i started to have feelings for him. It took a while but I started putting things together and realizing his cocaine habit might be bad...like really bad. BAD BAD.
first i thought it was a hell of a cold, and he was moody. then i saw him do it and thought it was just because we were drinking. then i noticed aLOT of tissues in every trash can. Then the fact that he flaked on some plans. I went from thinking he was fickle about how he felt to being really scared and started pulling away from him. he sucked me back in, saying he had some issues but wanted us to be friends. He told me he had strong feelings for me.
Since I have no idea how to be supportive or what to say to a person in his shoes that would benefit him I didnt like how on edge I felt. I felt in over my head and just decided to tell him he needs to get rid of his habit, that hes got two personalities that i cant figure out which one he is. That its bringing me down
He seems as though he genuiinly wants to be nice, but his frustration flares. He seems like hes got lots of walls, but hes also smart and i wonder if he knew this would hook me. He forgets things I tell him about myself and only seems to remember things that have to do with sex. He is sex obsessed, and talks about porn a lot, wants to text dirty or else seems bored. Anyways he ends up saying he cant handle me anymore (super insulting because I was trying to understand without being too invasive). Says Im not his type . Tells me Im too short for his taste. Tells me I annoy him when I talk, that he isnt listening. That he lost interest after sex.
This stuff is so degrading and mean and Im having a hard time with wanting to believe he means this stuff. Do some cocaine addicts think they have feelings when they are high, or only care about you sexually and pretend the rest?
Do some addicts have so little control over emotions that they genuinly like you one day and not the next?
Do some addicts try to be mean as possible to keep you from getting sucked into their problems?
Or is this guy really this mean??? He went from telling me I was adorable, beautiful, talented and me feeling he was smart and intriguing and kind....to treating me like trash, putting me down and ignoring me. WTF could I have done differently. Why wouldnt he just tell me from the beginning what I was dealing with so I could research and decide for myself rather then wait till im attached and thoroughly insult me??? accuse me of being crazy
and WHY THE BLEEP DO I CARE? any thoughts would be appreciated. I really wanted to be nice to this person. wanted to like him, having trouble seperating reality from illusion.
but i cant stop dwelling and trying to understand. understand how he felt? what he wanted? This person came on strong, but was hot cold. He was more bold and sexual than most guys. Im naive but I knid of liked it I guess so i started to have feelings for him. It took a while but I started putting things together and realizing his cocaine habit might be bad...like really bad. BAD BAD.
first i thought it was a hell of a cold, and he was moody. then i saw him do it and thought it was just because we were drinking. then i noticed aLOT of tissues in every trash can. Then the fact that he flaked on some plans. I went from thinking he was fickle about how he felt to being really scared and started pulling away from him. he sucked me back in, saying he had some issues but wanted us to be friends. He told me he had strong feelings for me.
Since I have no idea how to be supportive or what to say to a person in his shoes that would benefit him I didnt like how on edge I felt. I felt in over my head and just decided to tell him he needs to get rid of his habit, that hes got two personalities that i cant figure out which one he is. That its bringing me down
He seems as though he genuiinly wants to be nice, but his frustration flares. He seems like hes got lots of walls, but hes also smart and i wonder if he knew this would hook me. He forgets things I tell him about myself and only seems to remember things that have to do with sex. He is sex obsessed, and talks about porn a lot, wants to text dirty or else seems bored. Anyways he ends up saying he cant handle me anymore (super insulting because I was trying to understand without being too invasive). Says Im not his type . Tells me Im too short for his taste. Tells me I annoy him when I talk, that he isnt listening. That he lost interest after sex.
This stuff is so degrading and mean and Im having a hard time with wanting to believe he means this stuff. Do some cocaine addicts think they have feelings when they are high, or only care about you sexually and pretend the rest?
Do some addicts have so little control over emotions that they genuinly like you one day and not the next?
Do some addicts try to be mean as possible to keep you from getting sucked into their problems?
Or is this guy really this mean??? He went from telling me I was adorable, beautiful, talented and me feeling he was smart and intriguing and kind....to treating me like trash, putting me down and ignoring me. WTF could I have done differently. Why wouldnt he just tell me from the beginning what I was dealing with so I could research and decide for myself rather then wait till im attached and thoroughly insult me??? accuse me of being crazy
and WHY THE BLEEP DO I CARE? any thoughts would be appreciated. I really wanted to be nice to this person. wanted to like him, having trouble seperating reality from illusion.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
I think sometimes it's just down to personalities rather than substance abuse. In this case it might be a little from Column A and a little from Column B.
In the end though, this guy doesn't sound great at all, the relationship didn't sound very healthy, and I'm glad for you that you made him an ex.
I think you made a great choice and I hope you can find it in you to move on now.
D
In the end though, this guy doesn't sound great at all, the relationship didn't sound very healthy, and I'm glad for you that you made him an ex.
I think you made a great choice and I hope you can find it in you to move on now.
D
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Addiction is a very selfish disease, I can't talk from the viewpoint of cocaine, but instead I am an alcoholic. But when I was drinking I was only concerned about, where my next drink was coming from, my sole focus in life was when I'd be drinking again, where I'd be buying my next drink, planning my life around social events I could drink at and blowing of meeting others in favour of drinking by myself, alone at home.
My point is the mind of an addict is controlled by the addiction, and that means that relationships/friends/family become 2nd in the pecking order, and so hurtful things can be said, personally I've ruined relationships due to alcohol, something I regretted when I got Sober.
The best advice though is to look after YOU, the other thing about addiction is an addict can't be helped unless THEY want help, they can't be forced, and so the main thing for family/friends is to never loose focus of their own life, and in time the addict may change. If not then at least you haven't postponed your own life waiting in the hope!!
My point is the mind of an addict is controlled by the addiction, and that means that relationships/friends/family become 2nd in the pecking order, and so hurtful things can be said, personally I've ruined relationships due to alcohol, something I regretted when I got Sober.
The best advice though is to look after YOU, the other thing about addiction is an addict can't be helped unless THEY want help, they can't be forced, and so the main thing for family/friends is to never loose focus of their own life, and in time the addict may change. If not then at least you haven't postponed your own life waiting in the hope!!
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,777
Doesn't sound like a healthy relationship to me either. I don't think it's just because he's an addict, sounds like he has mental health issues as well. Best to avoid him, he's not good for you.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,435
Sorry OHH sometimes my hands miss the keys - I amended.
It did not sound very healthy.
Lots of us have trusted people who proved unworthy of that trust.
I can see why you feel dirty but I hope you can move on.
D
It did not sound very healthy.
Lots of us have trusted people who proved unworthy of that trust.
I can see why you feel dirty but I hope you can move on.
D
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
I think it's a part of growing up, some relationships work, some don't, eventually we work out what we want in a partner and we try to find that person.
Though addiction makes things even more complicated, but so does all the pressures/stresses of modern life.
Personally I've had the good newz and the bad newz, but if we keep trying then maybe we'll find that ideal person!!
Though addiction makes things even more complicated, but so does all the pressures/stresses of modern life.
Personally I've had the good newz and the bad newz, but if we keep trying then maybe we'll find that ideal person!!
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 18
I guess in an effort to be concise i didnt explain entirely why its so upsetting. there was a connection. there was months of communication before meeting in person (old friend from childhood). the trust was there. i confided. everything seemed good until i brought up the hot cold drug thing. then it turned into him saying he was excited about his future and he had a lot to offer and i was too short.
this is in a way JUST a relationship that didnt work out. I understand that. Im in my 30s. Ive had some bad relationships, less good ones.
My struggle is that this one has really really brought me down. Im wondering if there is something wrong with me or if anyone else has had a situation where, even though it was short, they felt similar. are there reasons i can look to for why this person just decided i was a loser (perhaps due to addiction) is there anything than I can help understand why I went from what felt like such a hopeful connection to being cruelly rejected.
Are there elements at play in addiction that makes an addict push people away that they would otherwise want?
this is in a way JUST a relationship that didnt work out. I understand that. Im in my 30s. Ive had some bad relationships, less good ones.
My struggle is that this one has really really brought me down. Im wondering if there is something wrong with me or if anyone else has had a situation where, even though it was short, they felt similar. are there reasons i can look to for why this person just decided i was a loser (perhaps due to addiction) is there anything than I can help understand why I went from what felt like such a hopeful connection to being cruelly rejected.
Are there elements at play in addiction that makes an addict push people away that they would otherwise want?
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Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
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Others might disagree, but I think that could have easily happened with someone who wasn't an addict.
Rejection is a complete heartache, no doubt about it, and I've been in those relationships where the truth has been different to the reality being portrayed, one minute things are great, the next a relationship is over.
I would guarantee there is nothing wrong with you, our knee jerk reaction in breakups is to blame ourselves, and we always look for those reasons that will help us understand the WHY of the situation, but again we may never know the answers in some breakups.
As with any breakup it'll take time, you hurt now, a painful hurt that makes you want to hide under the bedcovers for a week and face no one, but that will ease, it's only temporary.
I personally detest breakups, more questions are uncovered than there are answers, and somehow we have to struggle on, and you will, you'll move on in time!!
Rejection is a complete heartache, no doubt about it, and I've been in those relationships where the truth has been different to the reality being portrayed, one minute things are great, the next a relationship is over.
I would guarantee there is nothing wrong with you, our knee jerk reaction in breakups is to blame ourselves, and we always look for those reasons that will help us understand the WHY of the situation, but again we may never know the answers in some breakups.
As with any breakup it'll take time, you hurt now, a painful hurt that makes you want to hide under the bedcovers for a week and face no one, but that will ease, it's only temporary.
I personally detest breakups, more questions are uncovered than there are answers, and somehow we have to struggle on, and you will, you'll move on in time!!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 18
so the hypersexuality that i thought was us being compatible- that went on for months even during sex. then nothing. that hypersexuality isnt cocaine related?
the mood shifts that confused the hell out of me?
the forgetting things ive already told him while insisting he was very very into me. the cancelling plans on the day of to stay at home then yelling at me for being upset?
the hot cold thing?
the arrogance?
the mood shifts that confused the hell out of me?
the forgetting things ive already told him while insisting he was very very into me. the cancelling plans on the day of to stay at home then yelling at me for being upset?
the hot cold thing?
the arrogance?
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I think the tendency is to look to ourselves for the fault - that way we can have a definite reason for why things happen...but sometimes the fault really isn't with us, or at least not solely with us.
I wouldn;t like to offer any specifics based on a few posts but clesrly your ex has issues. I don;t think it's healthy for you to internalise those or take responsibility for them.
I think sometimes too we want to blame the drug not the man...but whatever the cause the relationship obviously made you unhappy.
As for why you fall for these guys - I'm no psychoanalyst but a good counsellor could be valuable in helping you work that out?
I wouldn;t like to offer any specifics based on a few posts but clesrly your ex has issues. I don;t think it's healthy for you to internalise those or take responsibility for them.
I think sometimes too we want to blame the drug not the man...but whatever the cause the relationship obviously made you unhappy.
As for why you fall for these guys - I'm no psychoanalyst but a good counsellor could be valuable in helping you work that out?
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