Drinking in moderation
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 11
Drinking in moderation
My name is john and I am 27 years old. I have a problem with drinking in that I can’t stop myself from drinking once I have had a few. I go out clubbing and do stupid things, forget a lot and feel really ill the next day. I have also done some shocking things which I cannot even believe I did.
When I am sober, I am like my dad who I say is one of the nicest and most honest men I have ever known. I am similar when sober but when drunk just lose my self control. I don’t get nasty or aggressive, I just act stupidly. I wouldn’t say I am dependent on alcohol as I can stop it for weeks, but what my problem is I don’t know when to stop when I get started. I have sort of know I have had this problem for a while but last weekend’s incident is what has caused me to come here.
I have been in a lovely relationship for 5 months now and never come close to or even considered any other girl; I would also be dead against anything like that. I am, however, an understanding man. I kissed a girl when drunk in a club. The guilt since then is killing me and I feel so, so down about it. I can’t keep secrets from my girlfriend so told her. She is obviously mad and disappointed as she trusted me totally (this I understand as I am totally loyal when sober, and usually even when drunk).
Anyway, I am really beating myself about this now and feel very depressed. I know that if I had doubts about my girlfriend I couldn’t carry on. She may well forgive me and allow me to build up trust again and that is what I want.
My main problem is that I have never come across this situation before where a man my age has had this kind of situation. I don’t want to go through my life ruining relationships and depressing myself.
Please would someone point me in the right direction with support or even better someone who has done something similar.
Many thanks
John
When I am sober, I am like my dad who I say is one of the nicest and most honest men I have ever known. I am similar when sober but when drunk just lose my self control. I don’t get nasty or aggressive, I just act stupidly. I wouldn’t say I am dependent on alcohol as I can stop it for weeks, but what my problem is I don’t know when to stop when I get started. I have sort of know I have had this problem for a while but last weekend’s incident is what has caused me to come here.
I have been in a lovely relationship for 5 months now and never come close to or even considered any other girl; I would also be dead against anything like that. I am, however, an understanding man. I kissed a girl when drunk in a club. The guilt since then is killing me and I feel so, so down about it. I can’t keep secrets from my girlfriend so told her. She is obviously mad and disappointed as she trusted me totally (this I understand as I am totally loyal when sober, and usually even when drunk).
Anyway, I am really beating myself about this now and feel very depressed. I know that if I had doubts about my girlfriend I couldn’t carry on. She may well forgive me and allow me to build up trust again and that is what I want.
My main problem is that I have never come across this situation before where a man my age has had this kind of situation. I don’t want to go through my life ruining relationships and depressing myself.
Please would someone point me in the right direction with support or even better someone who has done something similar.
Many thanks
John
Forum Leader
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Wisconsin, USA
Posts: 16,945
Welcome J. Alcoholism doesn't care how old/young, rich/poor or what color you are. For most, moderation is not an option if you are truly an alcoholic. Is your desire to quit drinking or somehow "control" it?
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,498
Hi John,
If you can't stop drinking once you start, you are likely an alcoholic. Alcoholism isn't about how often you drink or how much, but what happens to you when you drink. It sounds like you turn into someone you don't like. It sounds to me like stopping drinking would be very helpful and that your relationship would benefit.
If you can't stop drinking once you start, you are likely an alcoholic. Alcoholism isn't about how often you drink or how much, but what happens to you when you drink. It sounds like you turn into someone you don't like. It sounds to me like stopping drinking would be very helpful and that your relationship would benefit.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,776
Welcome to SR! Are you asking if moderation is possible? Only you can tell that. Tho from what you've said it doesn't sound like you're able to moderate your drinking. Are you ready to give it up entirely? If so, you've come to a great place for support. 
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Hey John, Welcome to the Forum!! 
I was about 27/28yrs old when I first called into question my drinking habits, the only thing is your title "moderation" wouldn't have got me to where I am now, I had to go totally Sober, I had similar experiences, didn't need to drink every night, had days, weeks here and there, but once I started I would drink until I blacked out having done many a thing I later regretted or wasn't proud of.
Our addictive nature towards alcohol is the problem, and it sounds similar to when you kissed this other girl. It sounds like you have a good thing going with your relationship and having an honest think about your drinking might be the first step.
SR has loads of support and plenty of people who are trying to figure out that exact question, so your definitely not alone!!
I was about 27/28yrs old when I first called into question my drinking habits, the only thing is your title "moderation" wouldn't have got me to where I am now, I had to go totally Sober, I had similar experiences, didn't need to drink every night, had days, weeks here and there, but once I started I would drink until I blacked out having done many a thing I later regretted or wasn't proud of.
Our addictive nature towards alcohol is the problem, and it sounds similar to when you kissed this other girl. It sounds like you have a good thing going with your relationship and having an honest think about your drinking might be the first step.
SR has loads of support and plenty of people who are trying to figure out that exact question, so your definitely not alone!!
30yrdrunk
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 89
John,
The older guys in my fraternity likened me to Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde, the active ingredient was alcohol. Drinking changes my personality and I can't safely control the amount I drink. I have known this since I was about 19 yrs old. I was really an alcoholic at age 14 when I started drinking. I have tried everything to avoid the truth. I got in really great shape, made really good money, got married. Nothing has changed. At 44 yrs old, I still drink in excess and become a person I don't like. Fortunately, by the grace of God I never became physically addicted to alcohol. This however, makes me no less of an alcoholic.
If you don't like person you become when you drink you should stop.
TC
The older guys in my fraternity likened me to Dr. Jekyll and Mr Hyde, the active ingredient was alcohol. Drinking changes my personality and I can't safely control the amount I drink. I have known this since I was about 19 yrs old. I was really an alcoholic at age 14 when I started drinking. I have tried everything to avoid the truth. I got in really great shape, made really good money, got married. Nothing has changed. At 44 yrs old, I still drink in excess and become a person I don't like. Fortunately, by the grace of God I never became physically addicted to alcohol. This however, makes me no less of an alcoholic.
If you don't like person you become when you drink you should stop.
TC
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
welcome,john. glad yer here.
yup, been in that situation before. did it with my girlfiend at the same club even.
heres what hits me in what ya type:
"never come close to or even considered any other girl;"
then this:
"I kissed a girl when drunk in a club."
so, apparently you do consider it...when you are drinking.
I never planned on ruining my life,relationships, or being in a depressed state, but alcoholism sure had that as part of its motive. its was the disease of alcoholism that did it.
when I got to the point of desperation( which I sure hope you don't wait as long or go tht far down), I knew there was no chance of moderation. I had tried it a jillion times and I,like you, ended up drunk as cooter brown doin completely insane things. In order to not drink anymore, I had to mae some very drastic changes, but the good news was them changes only involved changes in me.
yup, been in that situation before. did it with my girlfiend at the same club even.
heres what hits me in what ya type:
"never come close to or even considered any other girl;"
then this:
"I kissed a girl when drunk in a club."
so, apparently you do consider it...when you are drinking.
I never planned on ruining my life,relationships, or being in a depressed state, but alcoholism sure had that as part of its motive. its was the disease of alcoholism that did it.
when I got to the point of desperation( which I sure hope you don't wait as long or go tht far down), I knew there was no chance of moderation. I had tried it a jillion times and I,like you, ended up drunk as cooter brown doin completely insane things. In order to not drink anymore, I had to mae some very drastic changes, but the good news was them changes only involved changes in me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Scandinavia
Posts: 1,344
You probably have to stop your drinking before you take the drink where you loose control, if you loose control with first drink then you need to stop before that.
I could loose control when very young, but was a rather controlled drinker later, that is I was rather controlled when drunk but the alcohol was controlling my life in a different way.
I would ask my self how important alcohol is for me – how much pain do I want to put my loved ones and my self through to keep on drinking … and why?
I could loose control when very young, but was a rather controlled drinker later, that is I was rather controlled when drunk but the alcohol was controlling my life in a different way.
I would ask my self how important alcohol is for me – how much pain do I want to put my loved ones and my self through to keep on drinking … and why?
Alcohol Free Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 482
Welcome John.
It sounds to me like your telling us that alcohol is taking away more, than your prepared to offer it. Many of us have also felt this way too.
We all on a journey, some of us like myself are at the beginning of that journey where alcohol felt like it was destroying our relationships, marriages and affecting work and our health. One thing every single person who has joined SR has come to realise is there is some part of them, that they wish to change in order to be happy and live a normal life free of alcohol or drugs or other addictions.
Alcohol is a depressant not a stimulant, so the more you drink, the more depressed your body becomes both physically and mentally. Any problems you have before you drink, such as guilt are amplified when drunk.
Becoming Sober isnt a religious conversation or anything like that, it is simply admitting to yourself, that you are better off not drinking than drinking and learning to cope with life without alcohol getting in the way.
Glad you have joined us and keep reading and posting, it does help.
It sounds to me like your telling us that alcohol is taking away more, than your prepared to offer it. Many of us have also felt this way too.
We all on a journey, some of us like myself are at the beginning of that journey where alcohol felt like it was destroying our relationships, marriages and affecting work and our health. One thing every single person who has joined SR has come to realise is there is some part of them, that they wish to change in order to be happy and live a normal life free of alcohol or drugs or other addictions.
Alcohol is a depressant not a stimulant, so the more you drink, the more depressed your body becomes both physically and mentally. Any problems you have before you drink, such as guilt are amplified when drunk.
Becoming Sober isnt a religious conversation or anything like that, it is simply admitting to yourself, that you are better off not drinking than drinking and learning to cope with life without alcohol getting in the way.
Glad you have joined us and keep reading and posting, it does help.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,560
Welcome John! I'm so glad you decided to join us & get some help.
I had wanted so much to control my drinking. I hated to admit that once it was in my system I never knew where it would take me. My personality changed drastically - my inhibitions were gone - I did many out of character things. In order to avoid self-destruction I had to stop all together. It's actually a relief to be free of it. I hope you'll consider kicking it out of your life.
I had wanted so much to control my drinking. I hated to admit that once it was in my system I never knew where it would take me. My personality changed drastically - my inhibitions were gone - I did many out of character things. In order to avoid self-destruction I had to stop all together. It's actually a relief to be free of it. I hope you'll consider kicking it out of your life.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 10
Welcome John,
Like you, I lack an off "off switch" after the first couple of drinks. I've tried to moderate countless times. Sometimes I've pulled it off and others led to blacking out, embarrassing behavior, terrible next days, etc...I'm 25 and completely understand how hard it can be to be sober today. One thing I can tell you from my experiences and maybe you've had this happen before after a break from drinking, is that you're going to run into situations whether it's a concert or football game where you're going to think to yourself "I can do it this time, I'll just have a couple". All I can say is it's a game that's not worth trying to win. Your friends might give you a hard time, but your true friends could care less if you are drinking or not. Good luck going forward and trust me without drinking life gets easier when you get to focus your energy on the things that matter.
Like you, I lack an off "off switch" after the first couple of drinks. I've tried to moderate countless times. Sometimes I've pulled it off and others led to blacking out, embarrassing behavior, terrible next days, etc...I'm 25 and completely understand how hard it can be to be sober today. One thing I can tell you from my experiences and maybe you've had this happen before after a break from drinking, is that you're going to run into situations whether it's a concert or football game where you're going to think to yourself "I can do it this time, I'll just have a couple". All I can say is it's a game that's not worth trying to win. Your friends might give you a hard time, but your true friends could care less if you are drinking or not. Good luck going forward and trust me without drinking life gets easier when you get to focus your energy on the things that matter.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 11
Thank you for all of your support. I would rather quit alcohol altogether as I am an all
Or nothing type of person. My only concern with this is that my girlfriend (if she can keep trying to forgive) will want me to have a bottle of wine with her from
Time to time. This, itself, isn't a problem but being the type of character I am, I think I would be better not drinking at all.
I know the times I get most drunk are when I know I can get drunk. I have had times where I have had just a couple, but they aren't times when I have stopped myself for not getting drunk. Based on that, and the above reason, I would rather give it up altogether.
Or nothing type of person. My only concern with this is that my girlfriend (if she can keep trying to forgive) will want me to have a bottle of wine with her from
Time to time. This, itself, isn't a problem but being the type of character I am, I think I would be better not drinking at all.
I know the times I get most drunk are when I know I can get drunk. I have had times where I have had just a couple, but they aren't times when I have stopped myself for not getting drunk. Based on that, and the above reason, I would rather give it up altogether.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,432
My only concern with this is that my girlfriend (if she can keep trying to forgive) will want me to have a bottle of wine with her from Time to time.
I'm sure your relationship can withstand that
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 28
I'm not gonna make you question wether you are a alcoholic or not. But I am the same age as you and I quit for similar reasons. I don't think I am a alcoholic, just a idiot when drunk. But I can say with confidence that my life and relationships have gone better in the 20 days I have been sober, so might aswell give a try and see how it goes for you.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 11
Thank you again for the advice. It is good to hear from people on a busy forum. I haven't had a drink for nearly two weeks now, which isn't a problem at all. My problem is going out clubbing and trying to have just a couple of drinks so my 'easy option' is to avoid clubbing and then eventually not drinking when I do go out. I don't feel like I do now.
Other than drink, I have a good life: my family is loving, I have a good job, my own house, a lovely girlfriend and am a very regular gym goer. Alcohol,
To me, is my only downfall and when drunk it has been a big problem for me.
Other than drink, I have a good life: my family is loving, I have a good job, my own house, a lovely girlfriend and am a very regular gym goer. Alcohol,
To me, is my only downfall and when drunk it has been a big problem for me.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 11
Hellos everyone. It has been over three weeks now since I have had a drink and, whilst I haven't had an invite to the pub, I am still very sure I don't want to go out and have even one drink. In time, I will go out and not drink, but for now I will avoid.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
