Day 2...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 23
Day 2...
Not sure if this is the right forum to post in, as I’m not a “newcomer,” but this is the first time I’m posting as I’m going through the first few days.
I’m a guy in my late twenties, have had trouble with alcohol for pretty much as long as I’ve been drinking. Benders, binge drinking, scars, bike accidents, one illustrious occasion on which I pissed my pants while walking home, and, more recently, late-morning–mid-afternoon drinking to relieve symptoms of previous night’s “fun.”
I’d say I drank about 3–6 drinks a night, either three beers or half a bottle of wine. Other nights it would be more like 15 pints of beer and half a bottle of whiskey. A few times I drank entire bottles of whiskey over the course of a day.
I’d been sober before, first for a month – which was how long I had decided I was quitting for, then for eight months – which was when I decided I was quitting, period, and then again for three months, when I didn’t decide anything, I just couldn’t take the cycle of drinking/hangover/anxiety/depression anymore. A month into that last quit I discovered this forum and posted a message.
This time around I knew I had to quit but I couldn't get my head around the "forever" part. So my plan is to stick with it until I feel good, then make that decision. I know I should never drink again, but it can be hard to want what you really want to want. I know I don't want to drink today, or tomorrow, or this month, or the next. (Even just typing that out makes me feel like a cheater: I should be wanting to quit forever!)
Yesterday was Day 1. Bad but not horrible. Not as bad as last time. I didn’t taper, quit cold turkey. Last thing I drank was half a fifth of whiskey and half a bottle of red wine.
Spent most of all of yesterday in bed. Couldn’t really sleep at night, mild sweats. No shaking.
Woke up two hours ago feeling horrible, numb, lonely, panicked, broken.
Right now I’m feeling much better, glimpses of myself shine through but I’m certainly still not 100%.
About the last thing I want is a drink, and no matter how crappy the emotions get everytime I remember that I’m quitting everything seems a little brighter.
I’m a guy in my late twenties, have had trouble with alcohol for pretty much as long as I’ve been drinking. Benders, binge drinking, scars, bike accidents, one illustrious occasion on which I pissed my pants while walking home, and, more recently, late-morning–mid-afternoon drinking to relieve symptoms of previous night’s “fun.”
I’d say I drank about 3–6 drinks a night, either three beers or half a bottle of wine. Other nights it would be more like 15 pints of beer and half a bottle of whiskey. A few times I drank entire bottles of whiskey over the course of a day.
I’d been sober before, first for a month – which was how long I had decided I was quitting for, then for eight months – which was when I decided I was quitting, period, and then again for three months, when I didn’t decide anything, I just couldn’t take the cycle of drinking/hangover/anxiety/depression anymore. A month into that last quit I discovered this forum and posted a message.
This time around I knew I had to quit but I couldn't get my head around the "forever" part. So my plan is to stick with it until I feel good, then make that decision. I know I should never drink again, but it can be hard to want what you really want to want. I know I don't want to drink today, or tomorrow, or this month, or the next. (Even just typing that out makes me feel like a cheater: I should be wanting to quit forever!)
Yesterday was Day 1. Bad but not horrible. Not as bad as last time. I didn’t taper, quit cold turkey. Last thing I drank was half a fifth of whiskey and half a bottle of red wine.
Spent most of all of yesterday in bed. Couldn’t really sleep at night, mild sweats. No shaking.
Woke up two hours ago feeling horrible, numb, lonely, panicked, broken.
Right now I’m feeling much better, glimpses of myself shine through but I’m certainly still not 100%.
About the last thing I want is a drink, and no matter how crappy the emotions get everytime I remember that I’m quitting everything seems a little brighter.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Hi. I stopped drinking a lot and found I couldn't do it alone after a period in AA. This is a complicated dis ease we deal with and even with our egos most can't do it alone for the long run. I prefer to feel comfortable as opposed to so called "white knuckle sobriety."
For many the trick is long term sobriety as opposed to quick fixes.
BE WELL
For many the trick is long term sobriety as opposed to quick fixes.
BE WELL
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 23
I haven't been to AA but this time around I'm thinking of checking it out.
The only problem is that my town is pretty small and I've seen people that have been to AA relapse and then sometimes gossip drunkenly about who was there... I've seen this happen twice and that kind of put me off the whole thing.
The only problem is that my town is pretty small and I've seen people that have been to AA relapse and then sometimes gossip drunkenly about who was there... I've seen this happen twice and that kind of put me off the whole thing.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 23
Wow today is a roller coaster. Swinging madly from anxiety to an almost manic-type happiness and elated sentimentality.
I suppose it's the reverse of the numbing effects of alcohol, but in all directions, all at once...
I suppose it's the reverse of the numbing effects of alcohol, but in all directions, all at once...
Member
Join Date: Jun 2011
Posts: 526
lots of people on day 2 (including myself) unfortunately.
your feelings mirror mine almost to the point. since we've both been there before, we know there is a way out. we need to suffer through these initial days. then somehow things start getting better and life has meaning again.
i wish you luck and a good night's sleep. we need it badly.
your feelings mirror mine almost to the point. since we've both been there before, we know there is a way out. we need to suffer through these initial days. then somehow things start getting better and life has meaning again.
i wish you luck and a good night's sleep. we need it badly.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,436
Hi and welcome quadrant
the early days are rough but there's a lot of support here - have you considered joining our Class of January support thread?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-4-a-16.html
D
the early days are rough but there's a lot of support here - have you considered joining our Class of January support thread?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...rt-4-a-16.html
D
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Rural Colorado
Posts: 376
I am on day 3 and it is hard. I've been going to the 2 AA meetings a week we have where I live and I've really found it to be a helpful and supportive environment, like SR is. Best to you. You can do it!
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Welcome quadrant. 
I liked it when you said 'Glimpses of myself shine through'. Hold on to that thought - reach out for the life you can have without alcohol. It sounds like there's no telling what will happen once it's in your system. You don't need the uncertainty it brings. I hope you'll decide to keep it out of your life.
I liked it when you said 'Glimpses of myself shine through'. Hold on to that thought - reach out for the life you can have without alcohol. It sounds like there's no telling what will happen once it's in your system. You don't need the uncertainty it brings. I hope you'll decide to keep it out of your life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2013
Posts: 23
Quick update: nearing end of Day 2. Hangover has dissipated.
There was an almost perceptible, defined moment around 5 PM when sober me clicked into existence. It felt exactly like it did the second time I quit – my longest and most successful quit to date. Like someone flipped a switch. Every cell in my body and every fiber of my soul seem to be screaming "YES THIS IS MORE LIKE IT." I haven't felt this at peace since I slipped last time. This fits me like a glove.
I looked in the mirror and I recognized myself. My real self.
There was an almost perceptible, defined moment around 5 PM when sober me clicked into existence. It felt exactly like it did the second time I quit – my longest and most successful quit to date. Like someone flipped a switch. Every cell in my body and every fiber of my soul seem to be screaming "YES THIS IS MORE LIKE IT." I haven't felt this at peace since I slipped last time. This fits me like a glove.
I looked in the mirror and I recognized myself. My real self.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Great White North
Posts: 212
Hi. I'm also Back to/in the evening of my 2nd day also. Last night was a restless sleep, I took today off work because I was so tired. Am having little bursts of anxiety but nothing too bad. Extremely bored tho but don't feel like doing anything.
Keep it up quadrant!
Keep it up quadrant!
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Location: Hong Kong
Posts: 4
Hey quadrant,
Good luck with everything. I've read the threads above and as opposed to meetings in small towns whch might be too small, I live in a big enough city where that's quite the opposite but the commutes here suck and I'd rather head home to hang out with my family after work than head to AA.
I've found that cruising through the various blogs and forums, on a daily basis, helps a lot - as much wisdom here as one might find in any AA meeting...... taking down notes as to how people tackle things like cravings, how to deal with peer pressure, etc it all helps.
Good luck with everything. I've read the threads above and as opposed to meetings in small towns whch might be too small, I live in a big enough city where that's quite the opposite but the commutes here suck and I'd rather head home to hang out with my family after work than head to AA.
I've found that cruising through the various blogs and forums, on a daily basis, helps a lot - as much wisdom here as one might find in any AA meeting...... taking down notes as to how people tackle things like cravings, how to deal with peer pressure, etc it all helps.
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