littlekings

I was just out with a large group and in the group were a few people that attend AA meetings. They were talking openly about growing up in a home with an alcoholic. They had some very sad stories and were responsible for some sad stories through their own drinking. I woke up at 3am that night and asked myself "how messed up am I? I grew up in a home with an alcoholic." I found a list of common characteristics for ACoA. I fit into 9 1/2 of 13 traits. I laid in bed and wondered if my fathers alcoholism could be a reason for me being the way I am.

I am 42 year old recently divorced father of 3. I take blame for a portion of my failed marriage. When I became unhappy with small things in marriage instead of speaking up I shut down. Over time i became more and more dissatisfied and shut down almost completely. Emotionally unavailable. My ex has her own problems but they are not for me to discuss here.

I am a healthcare professional. I take personal responsibility for everything that goes on at work. I beat myself up for things I cannot control. We are seeing major changes occur and know major shake ups will occur in next several years. I lay awake and try to figure a fix for our group to a national problem. Somehow I should be able to do this.

I have always had friends but I was slow to make them and do not trust new people.

I find I do seek approval of others. Especially females. Even when in long term relationships I seek female approval. And it isn't a sexual or wanting to date issue. Not sure what it is.

I am notorious for starting things and getting no joy or happiness from them and not finishing.

My kids seem more normal than me. Whatever normal is. Thankfully.

I have siblings I see odd behaviors in.

I found an ACoA meeting I may be able to attend some weeks. Is that a good start? I would like direction. I want to fix me. I have not been happy with the way I am my entire adult life.

Skye2

- you've come to a good place

PurpleKnight

Hey littlekings, Welcome tho the Forum!! . . . I think a meeting would be a good start, just to be around other people who feel similar to yourself.

My dad was an alcoholic, and I attended a few meetings growing up, it came as a great sense of releif and reassurance that I wasn't alone, but in fact everything I was feeling was being felt by others.

Even when I was hanging out with people from the meetings and not talking about the topic, just to know they "got it" made a difference!!

IOAA2

Hi and congratulations on your insights. In addition to going to some meetings of ACoA had you considered going to OPEN SPEAKER AA meetings for how people got to the point of needing AAs help? No speaking is needed or even using your name and surely no sign up.

BE WELL

least

I'm sure the support you'll find here can help you stay sober for good.

Dee74

Welcome littlekings

I'm not ACOA but I think a meeting sounds like a great start.
do also check out our ACOA forum

Adult Children of Addicted/Alcoholic Parents - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information
D

Cheydinhal

I really love your quote that says "What I used to call boredom I now call serenity." My goal is to get to that place

Anna

Welcome, I am an ACOA and had many of the same issues that you have. Trusting other people was very difficult for me. I was a control-freak and believe me that is not pleasant. But, I felt my world, my family would fall apart if I wasn't controlling every aspect. I had no faith in life taking care of itself. I always looked to others for approval and had no idea what was important to me. Unfortunately, I began to self-medicate with alcohol so I could sleep and begin to cope when I felt the control slipping.

I have learned that the only thing I can control is my reaction to what happens in my life. And, what a blessing that knowledge is. I can let go, I can live and enjoy each day. I no longer give a darn what most people think of me. I hope you continue to read and post.