FireSprite

I have no clue why this topic has been rolling around in my mind so much lately, but it really has. I know the phrase gets thrown around here a lot, maybe it just got stuck between synapses, lol.

Anyway, I was thinking in terms of how baby steps feel & look so different in early recovery vs. later on. In the beginning, I could just scream through every baby step - they seemed enormous & circular & I just couldn't see where any of them were leading me. I felt myself struggling against them because they were just so new & that made them scary.... & I questioned myself a lot because I hadn't yet rebuilt trust in myself.

Then one day, one little baby step became that last one needed to complete a chain within me...where, by taking that seemingly insignificant step I had unknowingly turned a corner in my recovery..... suddenly I felt the rebounding effect of all those baby steps that came before and understood how they were the foundation built under this ONE step that had made the difference.

And the thing is, you never know which baby step is going to be the one that brings on that smooth tumble of things falling into place. But I can say that in my experience, it has gotten easier & smoother all around the more I go through. And sometimes smoother means accepting that the right thing isn't always what *I* think it should be.

You just have to keep doing that next right thing, take that next baby step that is right FOR YOU for where YOU ARE, right now, at this very minute on YOUR OWN JOURNEY.

Like Hopeful4 just posted in another thread, "This is not a race, this is your life."

(Just felt like sharing!!)

honeypig

Firesprite, I remember reading something similar in a book by Sylvia Boorstein where she talks about meditating and how difficult it can be. She said she thinks of life as a vast, scribbled-up blackboard and of meditation as the eraser, slowly clearing the scribbly mess away. When she's tempted to stop her meditation practice b/c it seems she's not getting anywhere with it, she thinks to herself "what if I'm only ONE SCRIBBLE away from having it all erased? Wouldn't it be a shame if I stopped now, so close to clearing it all up?" and then keeps on meditating.

I agree w/your post totally; we just never know when we might be one step or one scribble away from making that breakthrough or having that revelation, so keep on toddling, keep on erasing the scribbles!

FireSprite

Love, love, love that reference honeypig. Sounds like an author I would enjoy reading, I will add her to my reading list, thanks!

hopeful4

Great post FS. For me the babysteps all had such feeling. Before i was so hurt and just internally screaming from one step to the next. In time, it got a bit easier. Counseling and CR brought peace and self care back around. Now.. I am finally detatched, i have accepted i have to be the best i can be and that will be enough for me and my girls. Next...,could it be...yes...a glimmer of happiness is here again. I find myself much more conscious of how i feel and how i can control that at any given time. Glory be.., im skipping from step to step now instead of screaming . Much better for all involved, especially me. Its not perfect, but im marching forward. And as you appreciate, its no race, its your life!

Thanks for posting this and helping me see my own progress!

Hugs!

Mags1

It's made me think FireSprite. I love using the term baby steps because I'm the sortof person who wants to run before I can walk, get yo the end quickly, so baby steps for me calm my inner self, remind me that it's not a race, it's our life, like hopeful says.

Every day I keep turning a corner, progressing and I wonder...am I ready to come out of my baby steps but probably not or I would know.
I dreamt that I drank last night but that could be an accumulation of two things, someone posted yesterday about dreaming of drinking then I was in the queue at Aldi stood next to the booze aisle and I took a long hard look and I was filled with loathe and hate for the liquid which had caused me and my family and friend, so much pain and heartache, I'd not felt that before, but then I dreamed I drank, but it was just a dream, that's where it will stay.

Thanks for your post, I will keep with my baby steps sure in the knowledge they will progress and grow like yours. X