Unsure
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Washington
Posts: 99
Unsure
It feels like my story isn't as harsh or desperate as some others and I almost feel guilty asking for help or looking in these forums for advice since it the feeling I have is that there are others on here that have lost so much from alcohol and have had worse experiences than I could dream of.
I started drinking in college. As a lifelong wallflower through high school, I found the social life I had always wanted though the use of 'liquid courage'. I defined binge drinking and hit just about every stereo type people have of the college drinker. Managed to make it two years in college before poor grades forced me out, and I impressively managed to convince myself it was my constant playing of recreational sports that left no time for school. In fact this is the first time I've ever admitted to myself that it was in fact the booze.
Well, at about age 22 while hosting a party, half a bottle of tequila in, I managed to get into a wrestling match with a friend and wound up paralyzed and needing a spinal fusion... thank god it was a short lived paralysis. I was so drunk I don't remember anything accept waking up in the hospital and having to learn to walk again. 9 months of recovery and I was back at it and managed to go through a plate glass window, being too drunk to stand up... again, I don't remember the ambulance ride, or the doctors that stiched my ear back together..... I did manage to adjust, I kept the drinking to the safety of my home, playing video games and started chewing tobacco. Took me 8 beers to get buzzed enough for a dip, then I'd have one dip every 2 beers through about an 18 pack. That happened 2-3 times a week and lasted about 8 years and all of a very unsuccessful marriage.
Still didn't admit I was an alcoholic, after all I never grew violent, didn't drive, held down a job, ran a marathon, mountain biked, etc..... though all that became more and more rare until the divorce. Well, now I've admitted I was an alcoholic, but still chose to drink and continued another 6 years. I've married the love of my life but still continue to drink and play video games. We've had many nights where she just won't talk to me or she just leaves for a friends house. I have managed to quit drinking around her and playing video games altogether... and my drinking is down to one night a week, however I realized yesterday that my quest to 'control' alcohol isn't working.... I was at the football game yesterday with the intention of keeping it at two beers, I managed the game before to only drink two so why couldn't I do that again?
Well, somewhere along the line I found myself powering through drinks, red bull vodka, beers, shots of fireball. I ran down at halftime and chugged two beers to keep the buzz going... for some reason I became so focused on drinking and getting myself to a gas station to grab a chew, I completely missed out on the game, which after 37 years of being a fan, should have been the greatest game I've ever attended. It had complete control of me... I even drove home! We just had our first baby a week ago and I lost my battle with alcohol for the first time and it has me pretty scared. I could have done some real damage last night and I've been afraid for years that when I had a kid I would be an alcoholic father... wow, this was a longer post then I meant... anyone still reading, thank you!
I started drinking in college. As a lifelong wallflower through high school, I found the social life I had always wanted though the use of 'liquid courage'. I defined binge drinking and hit just about every stereo type people have of the college drinker. Managed to make it two years in college before poor grades forced me out, and I impressively managed to convince myself it was my constant playing of recreational sports that left no time for school. In fact this is the first time I've ever admitted to myself that it was in fact the booze.
Well, at about age 22 while hosting a party, half a bottle of tequila in, I managed to get into a wrestling match with a friend and wound up paralyzed and needing a spinal fusion... thank god it was a short lived paralysis. I was so drunk I don't remember anything accept waking up in the hospital and having to learn to walk again. 9 months of recovery and I was back at it and managed to go through a plate glass window, being too drunk to stand up... again, I don't remember the ambulance ride, or the doctors that stiched my ear back together..... I did manage to adjust, I kept the drinking to the safety of my home, playing video games and started chewing tobacco. Took me 8 beers to get buzzed enough for a dip, then I'd have one dip every 2 beers through about an 18 pack. That happened 2-3 times a week and lasted about 8 years and all of a very unsuccessful marriage.
Still didn't admit I was an alcoholic, after all I never grew violent, didn't drive, held down a job, ran a marathon, mountain biked, etc..... though all that became more and more rare until the divorce. Well, now I've admitted I was an alcoholic, but still chose to drink and continued another 6 years. I've married the love of my life but still continue to drink and play video games. We've had many nights where she just won't talk to me or she just leaves for a friends house. I have managed to quit drinking around her and playing video games altogether... and my drinking is down to one night a week, however I realized yesterday that my quest to 'control' alcohol isn't working.... I was at the football game yesterday with the intention of keeping it at two beers, I managed the game before to only drink two so why couldn't I do that again?
Well, somewhere along the line I found myself powering through drinks, red bull vodka, beers, shots of fireball. I ran down at halftime and chugged two beers to keep the buzz going... for some reason I became so focused on drinking and getting myself to a gas station to grab a chew, I completely missed out on the game, which after 37 years of being a fan, should have been the greatest game I've ever attended. It had complete control of me... I even drove home! We just had our first baby a week ago and I lost my battle with alcohol for the first time and it has me pretty scared. I could have done some real damage last night and I've been afraid for years that when I had a kid I would be an alcoholic father... wow, this was a longer post then I meant... anyone still reading, thank you!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
Hey 12mancan, Welcome to the Forum!! 
Well your experience seems a pretty rough one to me, I think you've already made the decision that being Sober is the way forward!!
You'll find loads of support and advice from plenty of people trying to do the same thing, great to have you onboard!!
Well your experience seems a pretty rough one to me, I think you've already made the decision that being Sober is the way forward!!
You'll find loads of support and advice from plenty of people trying to do the same thing, great to have you onboard!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Washington
Posts: 99
Thanks Purple.... I'm hoping to find some support and/or motivation somewhere and from what I've been reading today, glad I stumbled across SR. Right now, a week sober is not an issue at all, however after a week, things feel normal, I don't feel like there's an addicition and I let my guard down (For lack of a better explanation) and then wham, drunk again for 1 day and the cycle starts again....
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: against the grain
Posts: 746
Welcome, 12man. I relate. When my son was born, I swore he would not have an alcoholic father, too. That was almost 7 years ago, and I'm just now at 2 months. I wish I would have made the change-and committed to it--early on, like you are doing. I'm not going to lie and say, poof, it just goes away. Takes work. But, man, it is so worth it. Welcome to the forum.
Onward!
Onward!
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