Triggers

Old 01-20-2014, 11:22 AM
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Triggers

My girlfriend is an addict (heroin and cocaine mostly, but benzodiazepines as well on occasion), and we've been together for a little over 6 years. She's been struggling with her addiction the entire time, using more often than not. I accepted her for who she was, and chose to stand by her until she was ready to stop. That time came when she found out she was pregnant... which wasn't until she was already 5 months along and started showing, because she rarely had her period because of the drug use. She immediately went to detox, and started suboxone maintenance the day after she found out. She relapsed once for three days at 6 months. Which I feel had a lot to do with the fact that most of the people (including one counselor) at the outpatient program she was in was still using. But she got back on track after that, and delivered a healthy baby boy. He did show minor symptoms of withdrawal for the first few days, but not enough to require medication. She relapsed again three days after giving birth, when someone she knew called her and talked her into coming out... she was gone for two days, and then admitted herself to the hospital after attempting to overdose. Back to detox again, and now she's again in the same out patient program.

Since leaving the detox she's been living with her parents, as I have custody of our son, and DCF will not allow her to live with him (or see him unsupervised). Now she won't see me either, or talk to me (just the occasional text message), because she feels I'm a trigger.

Obviously our son needs his mother, and I still love her and want to be with her, but I'm at a loss as to how to deal with this trigger issue... and it's very rare for me to not know how to handle things, so this is very frustrating for me.

For the record, I don't use, and never have (I get random drug tests at work). I rarely even drink socially. Although I do suffer from Secondary Traumatic Stress Disorder from my job, but I deal with it without medication... well, except for nicotine... but I did switch to an electronic cigarette 4 years ago, and feel 100% better since doing so.

So how's that for a first post?
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Old 01-20-2014, 11:36 AM
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Hello and Welcome.

I understand your concerns. I would say that she is trying to kick some very very hard drugs. Maybe the best thing to do would be to back off and give her (and you) some space. You are going to have to see how she handles this for herself and if she has the ability to work a program and stay clean. Time tells all things.

I know that is not the magic answer you want, but it is a true one. In the mean time, go to meetings and get support for you and your little one! Congrats on the baby and for taking the initiative to do the right thing by your child. They have to be #1!

Good Luck and God Bless!
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Old 01-20-2014, 11:37 AM
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Great post! Ummmmmm I guess only she knows what is a trigger for her. Sounds like an excuse to me, but what do I know...,��
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Old 01-20-2014, 12:49 PM
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Do you think she could be ashamed to see you given her slips, attempted OD, and essentially leaving you with all the work with your child?

Maybe she just doesn't want to face you.


Welcome to SR--sounds like your baby has a solid, loyal and reliable parent in you, by the way

I hope your GF will choose recovery.
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Old 01-20-2014, 12:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Hawkeye13 View Post
Do you think she could be ashamed to see you given her slips, attempted OD, and essentially leaving you with all the work with your child?

Maybe she just doesn't want to face you.


Welcome to SR--sounds like your baby has a solid, loyal and reliable parent in you, by the way

I hope your GF will choose recovery.
I don't think that's it, I'm sensing more anger or resentment, misdirected at me since I have custody.
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Old 01-20-2014, 03:56 PM
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Well, that seems pretty unfair / unreasonable to me.

But I've never had any luck forcing anybody to be reasonable yet

How are you coping?
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Old 01-20-2014, 04:22 PM
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I agree, definitely unfair and unreasonable. But I try to remember that not only is she dealing with recovery, but also all of the postpartum hormones.
It's only been three weeks since she gave birth, so there's still a lot of chemical imbalances going on.

It's hard, but I'm hanging in there.
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Old 01-20-2014, 04:57 PM
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Wow, I'm so sorry to hear this. Your son is very lucky to have you. Does she see a GP regularly? Sounds like she might be suffering from some postpartum depression as well. I'm going through a (sort of) similar situation with my husband. PM me if you need to vent My son is now 3 years old. Hang in there
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Old 01-20-2014, 05:04 PM
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She definitely has postpartum depression, as well as untreated bi-polar disorder that she was self medicating for years. Her therapist is trying to get her an appointment with their psychiatrist so she can get back on her meds.
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Old 01-20-2014, 06:46 PM
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Hopefully she is willing to continue her recovery....

I am sure that her brain chemistry is all messed up-drugs; new baby; bipolar disorder.. That is big time changes and chemical stuff.

Mental health issues need to be dealt with....it's good that she is willing to go to an appt. Hopefully, she will follow through with the meds.
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Old 01-20-2014, 07:49 PM
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A doctor put her on suboxone knowing she was pregnant?
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Old 01-20-2014, 08:27 PM
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I know quite a few women who were put on Suboxone during pregnancy. It is considered more dangerous to go through withdrawal during pregnancy.
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Old 01-20-2014, 09:15 PM
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Originally Posted by Asclepius View Post
She definitely has postpartum depression, as well as untreated bi-polar disorder that she was self medicating for years. Her therapist is trying to get her an appointment with their psychiatrist so she can get back on her meds.
I think your wise to think about the postpartum depression. My son is 2 years old now and I can tell you I clearly remember how emotional I was after he was born even though I didn't have diagnosed depression. My husband and I were separated at the time because of his drug addiction. Main drug was prescription pain meds, but he also became addicted to a benzo - Xanax, and did coke for a while. He went to rehab when our son was still very small. He would get very anxious when our son would cry, or panic when he felt like he didn't know exactly how to care for him. Im sure your wife has all kinds of feelings including guilt for not being there, fear of not being a good mom, and maybe even a fear of getting too close thinking she might lose her child forever. I say that because at one point my husband was afraid if he relapsed I would have the power to take away his son. Not something I would ever try to do unless he became an out right negative force. I would always want him to know his son. This could possibly be why she is acting out toward you ? Very sorry your going through this. I hope she gets the treatments she needs and can be back in your lives very soon. Good luck to you both.
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