meggygoround30

Hello all,

I have been going through a million different emotions over the past few weeks. I was in an abusive (physically and emotionally) relationship with an alcoholic for almost 7 years.

So I got a journal to help sort my thoughts, which I highly recommend. Make it special. Get stickers. Seriously, stars, hearts, smiley faces. So much fun! Make it yours. No one has to see it. I made a list of things that make me happy and was specific about each one. I'm going to make a list of all of my accomplishments. places I want to travel to etc.

Anyway- my biggest issue lately has been trying to UNDERSTAND how I could love someone who hurt me so much. I wrote on one page all of the reasons why I loved him, good memories, with a smiley face sticker and heart sticker. At the bottom I wrote this quote:

"What we have once enjoyed we can never lose. All that we love deeply becomes a part of us." - Helen Keller

I like that quote because it reminds me to recognize that not all of those 7 years were bad or a waste and to cherish those good memories.

On another page I wrote down all of the bad memories and the ways he hurt me. I ended up filling two and a half pages! It really put things into perspective.

Another quote I like:

"The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief. But the pain of grief is only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love." Hilary Stanten Zunin

I like that quote because I am proud of myself for learning to love and be loved, despite what happened between us. I am also learning to be my own best friend and work on my own issues (why I stayed so long with him...).

Journaling has been a huge help to me. What about you? What has helped you in your journey?

FireSprite

Journaling is wonderful! I also get a lot out of acupuncture, reiki, yoga, massage, meditations, focusing on my health (sleep, drinking enough water, healthy diet, exercise), breathing exercises, chakra awareness, inner child work.

In early recovery I took a couple of classes, met some new people. That was great & brought my attention to a lot of new things, started expanding my horizons a bit in a way I hadn't been prioritizing.

Doing for others, unsolicited, when I'm feeling low always picks me up... sometimes I would just call a friend I felt like I hadn't been making time for to ask about their lives & specifically tell them I didn't want to discuss the drama of my life (again) - that I was interested in THEM. It was awesome to be able to be a good friend to others & take the focus off of my crisis-of-the-moment!

FireSprite

Purging my environment helped a lot too... De-junking junk drawers, closets, rearranging furniture, etc. Very cathartic!

BrokenDrum

I'm just starting out in my post divorce journey and am trying to get in the habit of journaling too. I also had the 2 to 1 ratio of bad memories to good memories. It does help put things in perspective. It also helps me realize my own shortcomings and forces me to re-think how I react to situations.

I'm also making a concerted effort to step out of my comfort zone and try new things to expand my horizons and keep myself busy. I figured I might as well embrace all the change that has come into my life.

Katchie

Interesting you mention this. I've had an urge to deep clean and throw away lately. I look around at the clutter and feel my house looks like I feel inside. I've never been sloppy until here recently and I really believe it's a reflection of how I've felt.

iamthird

I re-did my bedroom. Just got new bedding, decorations, etc. It allowed me fresh thoughts, new sanctuary and ability to erase the old memories every time I walked into the room and layed in the bed we once shared...

HealingWillCome

This is beautiful. Thanks for this!

I know it's easier said than done to remember the good when we're affected by alcoholism and addiction. I'm at peace with my past A relationships, so cherishing the good memories is something I can do without pain anymore. I am also a stronger, healthier, happier me because of those relationships, especially the last one. Something else to be thankful for.

splendra

Because recovery is an inside and often lonely job yes I believe journaling is a very good way to help sort things thru.

Going to meetings and listening to what others have to say have helped too. I like to just listen at some meetings and talk at others when I am about to explode on an issue.

Take care and be gentle with yourself you have been thru a lot.

BodkinVanHorn

Oh my goodness...decluttering...I separated from exAbf in July and since, I've been doing things I wanted to do in previous place (hanging curtains, art, organizing, getting rid of crap I dont' need) and it's AWESOME. I know where stuff is!
Reading, too, that helps. Hanging with other adults when I can.
I keep wanting to journal...but it terrifies me for some reason and I am frozen when it comes time to write *anything*.

FireSprite

I was thinking about this after posting last night... when RAH & separated I took a long look around my house & was amazed to see the clutter that I had let build up. I'm an everything-in-it's-place kind of gal, more because I don't like spending extra time cleaning so it's easier & faster to keep it clean for me. More insulting - I had let my home office become so overtaken with crap that you could barely get in & out of the room. I had let myself become so overrun that even my personal space was an absolute reflection of everything going on around me.

Over the holidays we did a big purge on DD's room & holy hatbaskets, what a project. I made her go through the entire process with me, and I can now say that I/we have honestly organized every single pencil, barbie shoe, earring, sock...top to bottom, every closet & drawer.. you name it.

I watched her go through ranges of emotions (which I found kind of interesting) - very defensive & unnecessarily tied to some "things". At one point she got pi$$y with RAH because she felt like he was making light of it all, and this was VERY serious to her & she snapped off, "I don't even know why YOU get to yell at me about all of this mess.... where do you think I LEARNED it?? Have you seen your garage??" I had to stifle a giggle because her tone wasn't disrespectful & she had a fair point - he was only sticking his nose into the project long enough to make jokes/comments & then back out again. And he IS the ultimate pack rat.... it is very hard for him to let go of ANTHING.