Kensho

Last Friday, after coming home from a particularly light-hearted AA meeting – one that allowed nothing that could feed my “soap opera” (and one of the things that I need to be vigilant about is not turning new-found sobriety into a new soap opera/melodrama) – anyway, I had what I’ll call an “Aha!” moment.

The thought just came into my mind, apropos of nothing in particular at the moment: “Well, now you don’t have to drink anymore.” Just like that. I played it over in my head, with all the possible inflections on those word: “I don’t have to drink!” “I don’t have to drink!” “I don’t have to drink!”

It’s like, think of a chore or job that you really don’t enjoy, that you really dislike having to do, and someone says: “Well, now you don’t have to do that.” Oh. What a relief – and you feel yourself relaxing. It feels like that. Even though I really, really enjoyed drinking, it now feels like it would be such a bother – and a burden - to “have to” take a drink!

And although I called it an “Aha” moment, it now feels like something that Threshold said on another thread: it has become “drained of drama”. I really thank her for that phrase. And now, I need to just maintain awareness, so that I don’t let my ego-monkey-mind turn it into a (melo)drama. But, right now, it’s just a relief. And I’m not going to try to do anything with that – just let it be, and maybe it will “make a home” in my mind.

I said “apropos of nothing”, but I think, subconsciously, it might have had to do with my working through the 1st Step – and that, too, became “drained of drama”.

Today, I’ve come down with a cold, but – at least I don’t have to drink! Seems weird, but there it is. I don’t know if that’s helpful to anyone else, or not . . .

Mags1

Hi Kensho, isn't it great having the choice to do or not to do what you want, you being in control.
Hope your feeling better with your cold soon, I love hot lemonade when I have a old. x

Opivotal

Very helpful Kensho! When I came to the realization that I don't have to drink....my life changed.

Thank you for posting.

least

It's such a freeing feeling, like being let out of prison.

Anna

Oh yes, for sure. For me, the drama involved with drinking became almost as addictive as the drinking itself. I had to drink 'secretly' so I was usually obsessing about sneaking alcohol into the house, finding ways to buy alcohol that wouldn't show in the bank account and of course, hiding empty bottles.

No more drama is a great way to live.

Mags1

Anna, I'm sat here giggling, the drama, yes, we could be on the stage for all the performances we did.

Where to shop, so we look like a regular drinker, where to put the empties, eek, get the wine by the box, brilliant idea, can shred the cardboard up and put in our cardboard bins, well hidden.

The hangovers, the finale, didn't sleep well, take a couple of pills, computers make my head hurt, I've got millions of stories, likewise for all of us, me thinks. Lol.

Just a look on the lighter side when you said, drama. Joking apart, I'm so happy I'm rid of that deceit, dishonesty, looking for new shops and buying other stuff just so it doesn't look bad.

We are freeeeee hooray

adee

Fantastic post. Thank you for sharing that aha moment. It is a wonderful way to view it: I can lay down this burden. Finally.

Going to keep this one to pull out on a day when clarity isn't as present.