cusper

So today I was at Walmart with my husband and I noticed that I wasn't hungover. Now this is such a revelation for me that most every time I have been in the mall or the grocery store I have been dizzy, sick and anxious because I was ALWAYS hungover on the weekends. In the end I was hungover everyday but as far back as I can remember a weekend just would not be a weekend if I hadn't been falling down blackout drunk. To really put it in perspective if I hadn't been blackout drunk at least one day on the weekend I would think I hadn't really lived. How sick is that? Just an observation. I noticed it last week too at the that I wasn't terrified at the grocery store. Sometimes I would have to have a beer to calm myself down before I even went. What is that about? How could anyone be afraid to go to a mall? This is what alcohol did to me. I was a compulsive liar. I would not go places because my nerves were constantly shot and I was becoming an agoraphobic. I was suspicious and overly sensitive to anything and everything people i knew or didn't know said to me. I cried all of the time.
But the worst of it all I felt like I was going mentally insane. I just paced the house trying to figure out how I could live in my own skin. It actually felt I was stuck inside a body that i no longer knew. Yes I know that sounds crazy.

I have been sober for a short time but I have no desire to drink. I knew things were bad but I never gave this sickness the credit it deserves. When I stopped drinking I was just concerned with how I would deal with withdrawal and cravings in the future. I really had no idea that even after a month of being sober I would be paralyzed with this crazy chemical anxiety that would strike at random.

All things said I am coming up to two months and now that I have changed my diet to low sugar/no caffeine and lots of water, the anxiety is letting up. Or the anxiety is lessening in it's intensity.

Just wanted to post because I feel like I am walking around lately and noticing that my life is changing gradually in subtle but great ways. Hence just noticing at Walmart today that I was happier and healthier than I've been in years. My internal dialogue is much kinder and I feel like there is no urgency to be the best all at one time. I am still in awe of the fact that I don't smoke anymore (which I never thought was possible) and that I am not drinking. It kind of feels like a miracle. But mostly also to this site where I have the ability to connect with so many amazing, compassionate people who have really made the hardest days bearable. I feel really lucky to have found SR. I feel lucky in general.

Dee74

What a great post Cusper - congrats on 7.5 weeks

D

Pipping

I am about 3 months sober and the one thing that jumped out at me today was how relaxed I am driving. When I was drinking I would dread the morning peak hour commute to work, my hands would shake and I would suddenly become very dizzy. Some days to my embarrassment I would have to pull over to vomit, which would make for a vile day at work because my hangover was so severe. Now I jump in the car without a second thought. Amazing.

Heartfan82

Right on! Now that's what I'm talking about!

Congrats on the being sober for two months, and not having the hangover, I can so relate!
I was having so much anxiety at the end of my drinking days, and didn't even know it was BECAUSE of drinking that I felt that way, until I quit for other reasons, and then noticed: no more anxiety! Go figure......

I sat in a waiting room recently for hours, and didn't even get flustered. In the old days, I would never have been able to sit there, I'd get "claustrophobic".....

I like finding out all the new perks to this sober life!

Thanks for posting, and best wishes on your sober journey
Peace,
~Heartfan

kflee

That is great. That must be a great feeling. I know I will be there soon.

alphaomega

What a great post !! I relate almost exactly to everything you said here. I'm going to bookmark this beautiful testimony to sobriety.

I completely understand the revelation of not having to feel like that ever again. It literally can stop cravings in its tracks.

Beautiful.

XO AO

tam2014

Love your post.