Acheleus

Now at 71 days sober I feel much healthier and able to think more deeply. I have been going to AA but I cannot find a sponsor I like. My mind is stuck on someone in the program I fell in love with, and I feel physically ill when I do not talk to her or see her. Something is wrong with me and I have not told anyone about this. I have not contacted her so I hope she will let me be. Tonight I feel like I will never get married or have a partner. I am 28 and feel like I willnever find a good woman who will not hurt me. This girl does not care about me and I do not want to hate myself anymore. I feel like I am going to die inside.

digdug

Please just find a sponsor asap. They don't have to be your best friend or your therapist (you already have one). Just someone to walk you through the steps. All of the stuff you're feeling is addressed in the steps. They can teach you how to deal with these emotions and thoughts you're having.

At 71 days I felt like I would be alone forever. The girl I thought I would marry and have a family with had broken up with me 5 days after I got sober. But I've learned how to channel the loneliness into something productive.

I've told you this before, but time will pass no matter what. In 10 months, you can have a year sober if you want it. But what you do with those next 10 months can have such a dramatic and positive change on you if you're willing to do the work.

I too was the kind of person who fell quickly in love. I confused passion for love. I rushed into things and was inevitably let down. But now, I've learned how to distinguish feelings from facts. I can recognize my character defects before they get the best of me. I don't let my fear of being alone guide my decisions.

I just went on a date for the first time sober since...I can't even remember. I waited almost 10 months for this and I spent that time working the steps and working on myself. We had a good time, but I'm no longer falling back into old ways of obsessive thinking towards her. She's just another girl and if things don't work out between us, so be it and I'll find someone else because I've learned to be a a good, sober person.

Acceptance may be the answer, but patience and hard work is the key.

Acheleus

I needed to hear that. I called and got a sponsor. The girl I like adked me out and we spent hours together. Now I hear nothing all day. I need to forget about her. I will tell my sponsor tomorrow.

ScottFromWI

Ach...hope you are well, its been a while

FreeOwl

good move getting a sponsor... actions, actions in the direction of our sobriety. That's what matters most.

As for the girl.... I'm sorry for your ache.... but trust me; 28??? You have a long and rich journey ahead. That partner will be there when the time comes and it'll be amazing.

Take care of you right now.

MythOfSisyphus

I feel like there will be other women and better days ahead for you, Ach. First things first!

least

Try to stop thinking and worrying about this girl. Put all your effort into your sobriety and enjoying your sober life.

autan

Abraham Lincoln once said "If you chase two rabbits, you will lose them both".

Focus on the rabbit with sobriety pinned to its tale.

The other one can run around for another year or two.

Its not about how long your married that counts, its about how happy the marriage is, that make its worth undertaking. At 28 years, you have plenty of time left.

2bhappier

I just wish I could get all that time back that I spent worrying about guys and if they liked me or not and if we would be together or not. It wasted so much time and mental energy in my case. I could have been working on sobriety and improving my life instead. And, the guys would have shown up eventually anyway.