Son Has Relapsed Again.
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
Son Has Relapsed Again.
I wish I did not have to write those words. God how I HATE them. How I hate these drugs and I curse the drug dealers out there.
My son was here for a little bit yesterday. He called last night at 11:30 telling me he had run out for toilet paper (didnt believe him) and was wondering when we were leaving on our trip. it did not make sense for him to be calling that late to ask such a question. Then he was here today watching the Patriots game for hours (he never comes here and hangs out).
He was acting strange and we asked him what was going on and he said he was fine. After he left, my husband and I talked and I decided to call him and tell him we know he is back using and he can lie all he wants but he isn't fooling anyone. At first he tried to deny it but then he started crying and admitted to it. He then called his GF and told her the truth and now we see if he will do something to get help. I told him it is his life, that we cannot do it for him. If he wants to stop being a prisoner to the drugs then he needs to make the effort and that means meetings, calling people and getting help. He learned the tools in rehab. What good is Naltrexone if you know to stop taking it so you can take the drugs??? Its not any damn good! If he wants to do drugs he will. We all know how this works.
My husband says it is hopeless. He is a very negative person and takes everything to heart, takes it personally and it doesn't help things. I try to remain calm and look at it from a purely reasoning perspective 'if he wants help, he'll get it." I can no longer make it ruin my life. My husband is not there yet. He says nothing is worth it if his personal life is a mess. he is very sensitive and says he doesn't even care about work or anything else while this is going on. Being the victim and acting depressed helps how?
Please pray for my family tonight SR friends. It is all I can do because there really isn't anything else to do. My husband says there is nothing we can do. I told him yes there is. We can pray and we can support him WHEN he gets help and makes an effort to help himself.
We are supposed to leave to go see my parents on Wednesday and now my husband doesn't want to leave. It is true, every time we go away to see my parents something bad happens back home.
My son was here for a little bit yesterday. He called last night at 11:30 telling me he had run out for toilet paper (didnt believe him) and was wondering when we were leaving on our trip. it did not make sense for him to be calling that late to ask such a question. Then he was here today watching the Patriots game for hours (he never comes here and hangs out).
He was acting strange and we asked him what was going on and he said he was fine. After he left, my husband and I talked and I decided to call him and tell him we know he is back using and he can lie all he wants but he isn't fooling anyone. At first he tried to deny it but then he started crying and admitted to it. He then called his GF and told her the truth and now we see if he will do something to get help. I told him it is his life, that we cannot do it for him. If he wants to stop being a prisoner to the drugs then he needs to make the effort and that means meetings, calling people and getting help. He learned the tools in rehab. What good is Naltrexone if you know to stop taking it so you can take the drugs??? Its not any damn good! If he wants to do drugs he will. We all know how this works.
My husband says it is hopeless. He is a very negative person and takes everything to heart, takes it personally and it doesn't help things. I try to remain calm and look at it from a purely reasoning perspective 'if he wants help, he'll get it." I can no longer make it ruin my life. My husband is not there yet. He says nothing is worth it if his personal life is a mess. he is very sensitive and says he doesn't even care about work or anything else while this is going on. Being the victim and acting depressed helps how?
Please pray for my family tonight SR friends. It is all I can do because there really isn't anything else to do. My husband says there is nothing we can do. I told him yes there is. We can pray and we can support him WHEN he gets help and makes an effort to help himself.
We are supposed to leave to go see my parents on Wednesday and now my husband doesn't want to leave. It is true, every time we go away to see my parents something bad happens back home.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,868
I'm so sorry to hear this. We just cannot do it for them. That doesn't make it any easier on us though. It does sound kind of suspicious that he was so interested in when you were leaving though. Do you have a security system?
Prayers going out for you and your family. (((HUGS)))
Prayers going out for you and your family. (((HUGS)))
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I am so sorry, I know the heartsick feeling that happens each time they relapse.
Suki raises a very good point. Please make sure your place is secure when you leave. When my son asked those kinds of questions he was usually waiting to steal something while I was away...it's sad that our own children would do that, but it's just one of the realities of addiction.
We just cannot save them from themselves. It's hard enough to save ourselves from the darkness of addiction.
Hugs
Suki raises a very good point. Please make sure your place is secure when you leave. When my son asked those kinds of questions he was usually waiting to steal something while I was away...it's sad that our own children would do that, but it's just one of the realities of addiction.
We just cannot save them from themselves. It's hard enough to save ourselves from the darkness of addiction.
Hugs
Still Standing
Join Date: Jul 2003
Location: Here @ SR.
Posts: 3,296
Needingabreak,
I'm sorry to hear this sad news. However, I do agree with Suki & Ann that you should make sure of your security system while away because it does sound like he's waiting to get something to sell for money for drugs. That's something my son did, as well.
It was true for me too, that everytime we were away from home, something bad happened with our addict son. I had a friend that recently went on a trip states away & her son had to be hospitalized after she left & was on the road. She panicked of course, but her friend that gave her the news was wise. She told her to definitely Not come home. He would get through it & needed to on his own & told her that she couldn't fix anything even if she was there. She reluctantly listened & he did survive & things have been amazingly better ever since.
We Can pray & turn our sons over to the care of God. He does have the power to take care of them & us. We just have to Trust Him. Easier said than done, but shouldn't be really.
******************{Comforting Hugs}}}}}}}}}}
I'm sorry to hear this sad news. However, I do agree with Suki & Ann that you should make sure of your security system while away because it does sound like he's waiting to get something to sell for money for drugs. That's something my son did, as well.
It was true for me too, that everytime we were away from home, something bad happened with our addict son. I had a friend that recently went on a trip states away & her son had to be hospitalized after she left & was on the road. She panicked of course, but her friend that gave her the news was wise. She told her to definitely Not come home. He would get through it & needed to on his own & told her that she couldn't fix anything even if she was there. She reluctantly listened & he did survive & things have been amazingly better ever since.
We Can pray & turn our sons over to the care of God. He does have the power to take care of them & us. We just have to Trust Him. Easier said than done, but shouldn't be really.
******************{Comforting Hugs}}}}}}}}}}
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Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
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Thank you everyone. Your support and kind words go a long way. Yes, I feel like all we do is hold our breath waiting for it to happen. I am not surprised. I just wish he was not so weak and give in so easily. It is his own battle to fight. Ive told him this, that if he wants to stop being a prisoner he has to want it bad enough to say no.
We do lock our doors and are having some things done in the house so someone will be here. My son has not stolen from us before (not that I believe he would never resort to it if he had to, I know better). I think he was asking because he wanted somewhere to come and veg/be high without his GF seeing him because she always knows when he is high (why she accused him this past week and why we were suspicious last night).
I told my husband I feel like God put this in front of us and it isn't a bad thing in the sense that we knew, confronted him and it stops the use before it gets out of control. Now the rest is up to him.
I told my husband we have to go. There is nothing we can do here and staying doesn't change anything. MY parents are very eager to see us. My mom has Alzheimers so every time I call she asks when we are coming down and my dad has it written on the calendar. They have no knowledge of my son's addiction as they live far away and I felt why hurt them? They would be devastated (although my mom would probably forget!). I cannot tell you how many trips my son has ruined or we have had to cancel due to his drug use. Just keep praying for me SR family!
We do lock our doors and are having some things done in the house so someone will be here. My son has not stolen from us before (not that I believe he would never resort to it if he had to, I know better). I think he was asking because he wanted somewhere to come and veg/be high without his GF seeing him because she always knows when he is high (why she accused him this past week and why we were suspicious last night).
I told my husband I feel like God put this in front of us and it isn't a bad thing in the sense that we knew, confronted him and it stops the use before it gets out of control. Now the rest is up to him.
I told my husband we have to go. There is nothing we can do here and staying doesn't change anything. MY parents are very eager to see us. My mom has Alzheimers so every time I call she asks when we are coming down and my dad has it written on the calendar. They have no knowledge of my son's addiction as they live far away and I felt why hurt them? They would be devastated (although my mom would probably forget!). I cannot tell you how many trips my son has ruined or we have had to cancel due to his drug use. Just keep praying for me SR family!
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Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Lakeside, Ca
Posts: 10,208
Originally Posted by needingabreak 
Please pray for my family tonight SR friends. It is all I can do because there really isn't anything else to do. My husband says there is nothing we can do. I told him yes there is. We can pray and we can support him WHEN he gets help and makes an effort to help himself.
from Mountainman
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: In the Middle
Posts: 632
It's really good that he admitted it and he can't fool you all anymore.
I'm sure he feels guilty and horrible about himself not being able to refrain. It's such a sick disease. Has he considered therapy with a drug counselor weekly? It helped my husband bring a lot of his thoughts to light.. even though he didn't deal with them all in healthy ways.. but it got him thinking.
I wish there was a cure that worked on everyone. I also agree that suboxin is NOT the way to go.. if you know you can use intermittently. My husband abused them for months.
Sorry.
I'm sure he feels guilty and horrible about himself not being able to refrain. It's such a sick disease. Has he considered therapy with a drug counselor weekly? It helped my husband bring a lot of his thoughts to light.. even though he didn't deal with them all in healthy ways.. but it got him thinking.
I wish there was a cure that worked on everyone. I also agree that suboxin is NOT the way to go.. if you know you can use intermittently. My husband abused them for months.
Sorry.
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Thank you. Kindeyes it is only because of the help I have received here that I have grown and learned it is not my battle to fight. When I first started on this journey I was so obsessed with his addiction and fixing him. Yes, I have come a long way.
Keepingitreal- he does have a drug counselor he is supposed to see every week but he breaks appointments all the time. He says the counselor talk over him and the counselor will tell him he knows what he is thinking and it is not what my son is really thinking. He says he doesn't feel he is getting anything out of it.
My son does not want to put in the work. He just wants the feelings to go away. he does his best to stay clean the slips up every few months, gets caught rather quickly, stops and then another few months go by and he's back at it.
I explained that yes, it IS hard work (he says this about meetings as well) but if he wants to really and truly be clean he has to do the work. None of us can do it for him.
I feel like we have been going through this cycle for a couple years now. I don't have the answers. If he does not want to put the effort in and it isn't important enough nothing will change. Yes it is very frustrating being his parent.
My husband seems to be a bit better this morning. I had a talk with him last night and asked him if he has tried to leave it in God's hands. God wants us to rely on Him but also to believe He will take over our burden. That is what He wants so my husband seemed to understand that by taking on the victim role and not giving it to God he is not trusting in Him. We have decided we are going to go see my parents and hope for the best. We will be in contact with his GF and let her know to call us if there are any problems. Thanks again for your support. I have nowhere else to go. I do not tell people anymore because they have heard it already. Everyone has their own issues and problems. They do not need to hear mine over and over.
Keepingitreal- he does have a drug counselor he is supposed to see every week but he breaks appointments all the time. He says the counselor talk over him and the counselor will tell him he knows what he is thinking and it is not what my son is really thinking. He says he doesn't feel he is getting anything out of it.
My son does not want to put in the work. He just wants the feelings to go away. he does his best to stay clean the slips up every few months, gets caught rather quickly, stops and then another few months go by and he's back at it.
I explained that yes, it IS hard work (he says this about meetings as well) but if he wants to really and truly be clean he has to do the work. None of us can do it for him.
I feel like we have been going through this cycle for a couple years now. I don't have the answers. If he does not want to put the effort in and it isn't important enough nothing will change. Yes it is very frustrating being his parent.
My husband seems to be a bit better this morning. I had a talk with him last night and asked him if he has tried to leave it in God's hands. God wants us to rely on Him but also to believe He will take over our burden. That is what He wants so my husband seemed to understand that by taking on the victim role and not giving it to God he is not trusting in Him. We have decided we are going to go see my parents and hope for the best. We will be in contact with his GF and let her know to call us if there are any problems. Thanks again for your support. I have nowhere else to go. I do not tell people anymore because they have heard it already. Everyone has their own issues and problems. They do not need to hear mine over and over.
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Join Date: Dec 2007
Posts: 250
So sorry you're going through this (I curse the drug dealers out there too). It's such a roller coaster of emotions, the highs and lows. Trying to control our addict and their behavior is like trying to control the weather, not going to happen. I'm glad you decided to go on your trip to see your parents. Sending many prayers your way that you have a safe and happy trip, and that your son will be ok.
Hugs
Hugs
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: TX
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So glad that you are seeing your parents....You are right that there is no real reason to stay other than the disappointment and sadness that you are all feeling.
It is really good to distract yourself.
I am like you in that I have quit telling people, over and over, the same thing. I feel like a broken record. If any of my work mates knew what kind of hell I have been through....they would be shocked. I go about my business and smile. What else can I do?
It is really good to distract yourself.
I am like you in that I have quit telling people, over and over, the same thing. I feel like a broken record. If any of my work mates knew what kind of hell I have been through....they would be shocked. I go about my business and smile. What else can I do?
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