Ncognito13

3 weeks ago I was drinking with friends, Maybe 20 people at my place I didn't know. Social drinking event my friend organized. Had a blast. Hit it off with 2 girls.

Here's my issue. I'm sorta a bore if I don't drink. I have a decent personality, I'm a very nice guy, but the 'sober' me isn't fun. Rather than hang out I'd rather go to my room, watch Netflix. I don't feel social. Is this normal? Being around a bunch of drunk ppl at a party I can have dumb conversations and I like it. Sober I just feel like some weirdo that showed up for no reason.

RunnerBean

Hey NCognitio (cool name btw)

I feel very much the same. I am absolutely crazy when I'm drunk, and usually end up the centre of attention (which is not ''me'' at all). One of the many reasons I've used alcohol in the past is to ''increase'' my social skills and make me feel more at ease around people because I'm actually quite introverted, and the only way I can tolerate lifeless conversations or small talk with strangers is when intoxicated. I am also a ''retire to watch a film'' type person, plus I love to read (which is an anti-social activity I've been told, by people who don't read lol).

The reason I've spoken about myself is that I feel that our situations are quite similar. What I am trying to do now is make some new friends which I can truly be myself with when sober, and then the quirky side of my personality can emerge naturally Maybe that is something you could consider doing also?

Plus, 20 strangers in your house is a recipe for disaster, regardless of potential hooking up scenarios. Are they really the type of girls you want to spend an evening in with watching Netflix?

Ncognito13

I'm posting this for this reason.

Last night we had ppl over. The drunk me would LOVE to tell stories, rant, talk about movies, etc..

I just went to my room. My buddy knocked and asked 'wtf are you doing'? He seemed confused that I didn't want to take shots and talk about football.

Have other ppl experienced this? I'm a really nice guy, it's that booze helped me for years to be social.

melissa6381

Yeah I get this. When I first got sober I tried to do the stuff I used to do like go to bars and parties. I soon realized that I was uncomfortable and talking to drunk people is pointless. I've made new friends in the year since I've been sober. My old friends rage all night but my new friends drink one beer over sushi and in that situation where I fell comfortable the social me comes out. Drinkers surround themselves with people who drink like they do. You're changing speeds, give life time to readjust and meet some new people who are on your new level.

Dee74

Man, you have a few days sober - you won't know what or who you are sober until a few months...

Early recovery is the transition phase - you have to get through that to get to the good stuff.

All that 'will I be boring and have no friends' is pure AV.

Would any of us still be here if we thought we lost out on being sober?

Don't sweat it,. Ncog.
Have a little faith. It'll be rough for a while, but it'll turn out ok

D

Ncognito13

My bros think I will thrown down, because did I for years. I explain that I don't want that life anymore any they act likes a joke, Can't blame them. 15 years of hard drinking, why believe me?

hypochondriac

There are two facets to this as I see it. In early sobriety I felt really on edge around people drinking. It wasn't that I thought I would pick up necessarily, more that I didn't know where I fitted in. I made a massive effort early on going to parties and pretending I was okay when really I wasn't and I should have been hiding away at home. Some people noticed that I was doing that more and were a bit worried about me which just made it all worse cos I felt bad and they were worried.... Quite frankly I should have stopped worrying what people thought. One, they weren't thinking about it as much as I thought they were (people always think of how they come across before they start worrying about you), and secondly I really just had to give myself time to recover at my own speed, whatever that may have been. It turned out to be a quite a while and it was over a year sober before I could go out to a pub and not even remotely worry about the drinking aspect. And I was just as fun as I normally was. But my tolerance for drunk people has gone way down. Yeah it is fine being drunk at parties listening to other drunk people talk crap. Is there any reason why you should tolerate that sober? You're not weird for finding boring people boring. I found that I do find it boring to be around drunk people sober, but the vast majority of people go out, drink moderately or not at all and aren't annoying at all, they're fun because they're not drunk. You have to question if you keep finding yourself in a situation where you'd have to be drunk to tolerate it, how valuable a social experience that really is... x

KateL

Don't put yourself down. Nothing wrong with being quiet and unassuming. In my opinion, there is nothing more boring than a drunk x

Ncognito13

Sorry to rant. Just hurts my feeling when I tell someone 'not going to drink' ans it's like a joke. Makes me feel like a failure./

Skye2

Get stubborn when they think it's funny - prove them wrong and have the last laugh

Dee74

I surrounded myself with guys who were all hard drinkers. When you opt out of that, they're gonna feel self conscious and like you're putting a mirror up to their drinking habits.

They'll feel like you think you're better than them - there's no basis to that thought of course, but that's what they'll feel, and joking is their way of trying to cut you down.

If you let it get to you you'll drink again.

Don't let it get to you - you know you have good reason for quitting.

Be a trendsetter, not a follower.

D

Ncognito13

Good advice. TY

IOAA2

I was very self conscious about what people thought then someone said '"WHAT OTHERS THINK IS NONE OF MY BUSINESS." Made sense.

BE WELL

DoPerdition

Maybe your choice to get sober makes your buddies a little uncomfortable. They might take it as an indictment of their own drinking.

For me, a few hours of "fun" just isn't worth living most of my life hungover or planning the next binge. The fun part was only when I was drunk and then towards the end, even that wasn't much fun anymore.

When I first quit I thought I would never have fun again. Once my AV got a bit quieter, I realized it wasn't the alcohol that made things fun but my comfort with myself. I realize I need to find activities in life that give me the confidence that alcohol artificially gave me.

FreeOwl

do you really want to spend your precious life having dumb conversations (usually the same old shallow dumb conversations on endless loop)?

After you've adjusted a bit to sobriety, you begin to see these conversations for the BORE that they really are, and to appreciate the really valuable things life has to offer....

DoPerdition

I agree with FreeOwl. It really is the same boring conversations over and over again.

Also only alcohol can turn a discussion about a movie you don't even like that much into a fist fight.

FreeOwl

lol!! I've actually seen that happen. So true.

VIG44

Yeah I'm very similar, drinking brought out the fun in me, not so much the next day though... Now that I'm sober I actually feel great and my girlfriend has noticed that I seem more happy, although not as "crazy" or the center of attention at a party as you are saying, but trust me, just be you, go out and talk about football, or movies, you don't need to be wasted to be involved in the conversation. If they don't respect you in the conversation because you're not wild and drunk then they got issues and maybe you should avoid them because they could negatively effect your sobriety. I get down on myself too, I think, I will never be able to have a glass of wine with dinner on my anniversary with my future wife, or I will never be able to have some beers on my birthday like the average person would, all due to my lack of control when it came to alohol, Does that make me a failure? Hell no, you can't get down on yourself about that, you have to get up on yourself that you decided to make changes. Long term heavy drinking takes a toll on the body, maybe in the future you will see your friends have health problems from it and maybe you will be the one coming out looking like a success rather than a failure.. don't you think?

Hawkeye13

Maybe the fact you are doing something about your alcohol abuse makes them uncomfortable about their own.

Maybe they are trying to get you drink again so they will feel more comfortable with status quo.

Maybe you don't want to go through life drunk, and the very interesting things that non-drinking adults do / say / feel has become more what you want in life.

This happens, and your "real" friends will stay your friends while your drinking buddys will most likely drop away. Guess where they will be in five or ten years?

Most likely, still hanging out at the bar or each other's houses (if they manage to afford one), fatter and bloated with little to show for their lives except, perhaps, failed or miserable marriages, saying the same old crap.
I've seen it happen.

You are smart to be dealing with it now--quitting doesn't get easier when your older. I didn't stop till 47.
I missed many opportunities you will have because I couldn't face the short-term discomfort of being "boring", or not enjoying my friends' parties.

miamifella

Trust me on this. Most people in social situations do not like a person who is "crazy" or is the center of attention. So while it may feel like the drunk you was "fun," I doubt it was that way to others.

Before becoming an addict, I had an alcoholic roommate. Everyone just hated the way he would do anything for attention after a few drinks. My friends stopped visiting my apartment until he moved out. Of course he told me that it was me that kept them away and that they loved his life-of-the-party act. I never told him that my friends met me elsewhere because it did not seem worth the effort to pierce his delusion.

Give it time. The "boring" you might just be the you that people like better.