WhySoSerious481

Or did I ever even leave? These are the questions I struggle with as I struggle with sobriety and sanity. On the one hand, there is Tyler, the loving son, brother, and friend, he wants good things for people, he has a good job, a career, people who care about him. On the other hand, there is "him." I can't explain this guy's motivations, or what he believes in. He wants alcohol and depraved things.

More and more, I wonder which person I am. I know that I can be a good person. I know that that part exists. But the other part seems to be in control these days and he just does not care. Alternating 5 days on, 5 days off, but completely lost. I wasn't always like this. Sorry for the rant....

marchHazel

i was thinking about how I change from when Im not drinking or using and then when I am from that post. Things got so bad i felt like I lost my true soul and the person I used to be. It finally sinking in again that as long as I don't take that first whatever I can avoid becoming that person I am when Im using or some of the bad things that have been going on for my life. things got so bad off and on I wonder if I am insane. I think maybe I am? I guess so. No one with any sense would have done some of the things I have in the past. I can be a real idiot.

I don't think we should be too hard on ourselves and just try to move on and let the good develop the good qualities we have that may have gotten a little lost in the course of our drinking and using and insanity.
take care

ReadyAndAble

Welcome back! Sure, I think there's a split in folks like us. But it's not two Tylers in you—there's just you, and then there's your addiction. It's the animal drive that pushes us to put aside reason. I don't think you should feel guilty about it—that's what makes an addict, an addict, you know? You're still you, and when you're free of the shackles of addiction, you'll discover you're even wiser and stronger for the experience.

My advice? Don't get pulled into existential dialogues with your addiction. Focus on the life that's waiting for you once you're free of its influence, and on the steps you can take right now, today, to move toward it. You can do it—it's great you posted tonight!

EternalQ

You're you Tyler....

But when you listen to your addictions voice, you start repeating what it thinks. That is not you.

Fight hard not to engage with the voice. Be ready for it to pull out every trick in the book. The addiction doesn't want to lose another member in its brainwashed club. So it tries to make you think that's where you belong.

it isn't.

Louise82

Welcome back Tyler. The "him" you're talking about is your alcoholism. It's not the real you at all. The real you is the first Tyler you describe. That is the authentic you.

Reading and posting regularly on SR has helped me get and stay sober. Perhaps you could try posting here more often? I'd love to hear more from you.

kflee

Rant away. Just let it all out. I am learning to block that "other me" out.

least

Welcome back. Glad you're giving it another go.