jzeb2008

I am in love with a man who is not available(emotionally). It's sad and pathetic, really. I have have no desire to let him back in my home to bring back constant caoius but I do miss the man that he once was. I wish that he knew that. He probably does but couldn't care less. It is sad that he is mad because I want to file a child support order(not even separation or divorce)because he spends his entire check on pills and alcohol. He thinks that is the same as divorcing. He mad with every healthy boundary that I set. If you work and can't pay bills, you can't live here. If you are high or have been drinking, stay wherever you started the process. If you can't be civil in regards to a visit with our daughter and on my terms that were set so not to make things traumatic for her, you can't see her. He goes 3 weeks staying at a drug house 2 blocks from our home and never asks for 1 piece of clothing or a toothbrush but when he has manipulated his mom into staying with her again and she tells him that he needs a shower and a change of clothes, he needs them IMMEDIATELY along with everything else that he owns. Then, I'm the bad guy when I don't jump(and by the way, I won't)to get a houseful of belongings delivered to him. When I tell his mom that I feel like it's really not good for him for her to take him back and forth to work when he only uses his earning for using and that if she remembered that she said that she didn't Even want to talk to him a week ago, let alone ever let him live with her again after he stole her pills time and time again and took advantage of her, then, "What is supposed to do? Make him have his shoulder surgery and live under a bridge?" And, I'm overreacting and he's not as messed up as I make him out to be. But, she is an alcoholic, too and doesn't have a program and Im finally becoming healthy after 5 years of Al-anon, 4 years working with my sponsor and am back to seeing an addiction specialist counselor the last 4 months. So, what do I expect?! Not, much. Not surprised. Still hurt though. Still love him for no reason other than fond memories.

Hawkeye13

So set a time for him to come pick up his stuff and let it go.
Put it on the porch if you feel you shouldn't see him and don't let him in.
It's not your job to be delivery person, I agree.

Sorry you are hurting but it sounds like you've made great progress.
If you feel like he can get next to you emotionally right now, I would have
no contact.

Sounds like he has many issues and that's very sad, but you are wise to realize
his issues are not your problem, nor should you be hurt by them.

Take care

KariSue

Someone here had a suggestion that I thought was good regarding someone's belongings. They said to rent a storage unit and put everything in it. Pay only as much as it costs to get them in there. Then give him the key and tell him he can either pay to keep them in there or not. His choice. Not sure if that is legal to do things with other people's things but it sounds like a good idea anyway.

Kari

AllThings

I'm right there with ya, zjeb, I also love a man that isn't available. It hurts like hell! I thought he was available when I married him, but it looks like I was wrong. Someone once said, we have to start hurting before we can stop hurting. For me, I can't put it off any longer, I have to get through this pain and hopefully see a light at the end of the tunnel.

candycane33

I'm there too

Does it ever go back to the way it was?