Aborigine

When you drink all the time to the point where friends and family call you on it; how do you stop lying about everything even after you stop drinking?

hez1979

Why do you need to lie?

Kat60

Why do you think you are still lying Aborigine??
Why do you think you need to lie?

PurpleKnight

Not sure what you mean, but when you stop drinking, you then have nothing to hide, you can open up without fear!!

Anna

That was such a problem for me, too. Actually, I had learned to lie as a small child in order to survive in my house. It was a survival technique. And, many years later when I began to drink the lying really came into its own. When I stopped drinking, I realized that I needed to learn to stop lying because I would lie about inconsequential, meaningless things. It was a bit of a process, but when I began to feel comfortable in my own skin, the lying just stopped.

Good for you for noticing you need to work on this!

autan

I used to lie about my drinking and hiding all evidence that I drank.

Now that I no longer drink, I have nothing to lie about.

If people ask me why I stopped drinking, it is true I do not tell them I am an alcoholic. I tell them I stopped drinking because my medical condition and medication for it are ineffective with alcohol. Which actually happens to be the truth.

TigerLili

Agree that lying can be a self-defence mechanism. I find myself lying when people ask me questions that are too personal, for example.

I've had to learn to give non-answers rather than outright lies, re-direct the questions or sometimes just tell a hard truth that I was afraid of saying out loud.

Notimetoloose

I still lie. If the consequences of telling the truth is going to be so great or will have a awful negative impact to me or others, I will lie.

Most of the time the truth is good enough.

Aborigine

Everyone lies, it's silently popular.
I am trying really hard to live honestly but one thing after another makes lying the best policy.

Elisabeth888

I share this at meetings and still get weird looks: I was BORN a liar. I remember my mother calling me out on it as a small child. It is in my nature to lie for some reason.

I am almost through the steps for the first time, but I can tell you, for me, stopping drinking does not quell my urge to lie. I do it because it is easier than telling the truth.

I do my inventory every night before bed and the frequency of my lies has greatly decreased. They kept/keep me up at night so I am not comfortable doing it anymore. But I am not perfect, so I just strive for honesty.

Does anyone else get the "convenience" factor? (Did you eat all the ice cream?) I have no idea why I feel the need to lie about **** like that.

TigerLili

When I was younger I would find myself lying in order to agree or validate someone. "Oh yes, I found the same thing when I did that". And I'd never done the thing at all. I just wanted to connect with them. Bizarre.

Elisabeth888

I think it is the "people pleasing" thing in us.

Aborigine

Right! I wonder if lying helps or hurts me. It appears like the truly dispicable have an advantage

Dan Dare

It would be a great thing if I was lying when I tell somebody
"I'm just taking a break from it...".
I just don't feel right saying "I don't drink anymore" or
"I gave up drinking".

Too heavy.

TigerLili

Being in a one-day-at-a-time programme, it's not a lie for me to say "No thanks, not drinking today" with a big smile and leave it at that.

Brian316

Great thread here!! I think this is something I needed to see tonight. My New Years resolution for 2014 is to stop lying. Like some of you I do it over stupid stuff even. I can say when I was drinking it was much worse. Yes I was an alcoholic liar and having admitted that I know honesty has to be a cornerstone in my recovery. Hence the New Years resolution. I've already broken it over stupid stuff, but I'm not giving up. I'm not lying to myself anymore so I guess that's good. Progress not perfection.

Kensho

The first place that I have to apply rigorous honesty is to myself – then to others, as long as it does not cause harm. I see no reason though, for compulsive “truth dumping”; or for saying things that are unnecessary and insulting, or would cause harm. If absolutely necessary, in such cases I will lie. If I can, I will just keep my mouth shut, or deflect.

A person in a meeting the other day said she had three criteria by which to judge such things:

Is it true?
Is it kind?
Is it necessary?

Aborigine

I just lied again

Dee74

I lied all my life...it took a while for me to change that. One of the big things was the more I stayed sober the more confident in myself I got - there was no reason to lie to impress people or make myself look bigger than I was.

I was just me.

I got more courageous too - I no longer worried if people liked me as much or not.

I also had a stronger moral code in recovery. Habitual lying was one of the areas I targeted for self improvement.

Give it a little time

D

afloatsober

Lying, deceit and and exaggeration were part of my drinking alcoholic 'survival kit'. I had to do those things so that people wouldn't figure out what was really going on. Problem is it became second nature. Also i ever presented my 'true self' to the world. My biggest secret was me!
Sober i need to remind myself every day that i don't need to lie to survive any more, and that i can give myself permission to be me , warts and all.
One of the toughest propositions for a beginner like me is 'to thine own self be true'. Guess i have to learn who the true me is first then be true to that sober man.
Man, this can be tough at times, but so very worth it....
G