New to SR as a parent..

Old 01-18-2014, 11:36 AM
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New to SR as a parent..

My name is Dawn. My son is 15 and out of control. He refuses to go to school, sneaking out all hours to use. I got him to agree to go to rehab and my insurance denied him residential treatment. I don't get It. We see psyc aand a counselor and he's gotten worse. Insurance seems to be pushing me toward a halfway house. How are parents supposed to help kids? School district keeps giving resources that insurance isn't willing to cover!
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Old 01-18-2014, 12:16 PM
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Hey Dawn......welcome to SR.

Insurance companies can be absolutely insane to deal with.......they make "decisions" based on their own financial perspective......rather than on what actually needs to be done.

I can't really give you any advice on your situation, but I can tell you what I wish I had done when my son was still a minor:

1. I wish that I had understood clearly the difference between punishment and consequences. Punishment doesn't really work.....consequences do.

2. I wish that I had allowed my son to feel the full consequences of his behavior, rather than trying to protect him from them.

3. I wish that I had sought more help and support for myself while dealing with a difficult teenager.

4. I wish that I had had less concern about wanting him to feel loved and more about firm parenting.

5. I wish that I had understood the concept of codependence and had taken the time to look more closely at my own behaviors.

6. I wish that I had remained calm and not allowed myself to be disrespected or manipulated.

7. I wish that I had sought the help of a counselor who specializes in the parenting of difficult teenagers.

8. I wish that I had understood fully the meaning of boundaries, how to implement them, and how to enforce them.

9. I wish that I had understood how damaging denial can be.....for me and for those around me.

Those are a few of my thoughts.........from a 20/20 hindsight perspective. I don't know if any of that helps you or if you can relate to any of it. I hope you stick around. There are a lot of parents here on SR.

Does your son have substance abuse issues?

gentle hugs
ke
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Old 01-18-2014, 02:22 PM
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That is interesting about your insurance , you might talk with the psychiatrist, if they prescribe that treatment the insurance must go along with it. Just a suggestion. Though the PHD might have other options for you.
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Old 01-18-2014, 02:23 PM
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I am sorry about your struggles.

Do you know which drugs he is using?

If there are drugs involved I would see school as the lesser problem, priority 1 would be that he is not using drugs.

It is very difficult to watch ones children having a hard time.
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Old 01-18-2014, 03:41 PM
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Hi Ayers1995 and welcome to SR although I am sorry you have to be here.
Have you tried contacting a rehab and having them contact the insurance company? That was what we ended up doing with our son. Not sure if that will help.

Also there are some great resources out there with people or companies who will help you figure out what can be done for your son.

What does his psychiatrist suggest? If he does not need detox, he could do sober living and IOP (which is probably somewhat like a half way house). If you ever need a resource of someone to help, let me know. I do know of someone who places addicts in the best place suited for them that their insurance will cover. I hope things work out for you and your son. BTW Kindeyes has very valuable insight into what we all wish we had known years ago. Great list of things to do and not do.
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Old 01-18-2014, 04:46 PM
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So glad that you are here but sorry for the circumstances...

There are plenty of parents here that have felt your struggles and are currently feeling it!

Insurance companies have been known to dictate treatment.

Is your son using and has a mental health issue as well?
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Old 01-19-2014, 06:05 AM
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Hi Dawn. I'm sorry that you had to find your way here through addiction but this is a great place to be with a lot of support and resources.

Have you taken him to the ER? In my experience though they have to be in full blown withdrawal to go through a detox and can then be admitted. Then at least you will have a history of medical intervention. Can I ask what drugs he is using?

Some insurance companies require the person to to have tried "x" amount of outpatient programs before they will cover an inpatient program. It's ridiculous honestly.

I'm a mom of 2 addicts. One smokes pot and pops pills and the other progressed to IV heroin, went to jail and is now facing 3 yrs probation. It's a very rough road to have to walk down as a parent. You are doing the right thing by trying to get him help so early. Don't give up. The squeaky wheel gets the oil in my experience.
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