malcolmsloan

Last night after everyone was in bed, I went out to get water before going to sleep and there was a half-full bottle of wine on the counter. I actually had a stare-down with this bottle, just stood there looking at it. How frickin' easy it would be to grab it, fire it down, go to bed and slide into the ozone on my way to sleep. So So Easy. Right there. Alone. Just me and that bottle. And I knew there was another unopened bottle in the fridge. Note that this is my wife's wine. It was almost like my AV was so frustrated with me having control over it that it, my AV, decided to leave me on my own. THe absence of the AV was alluring. It felt like no one was watching. You know what pulled me out of the tail spin? Yeah, I played the tape to the morning, but that wasn't quite strong enough. What did it was playing the tape ALL the way through. What would this one night lead to, tomorrow, the next night. . .the next month. . .year. This will progress. I had to get myself back into that state of mind that I was in when I first posted here: desperate for change. I think the AA folks call this "the gift of desperation?" Once I got back into this thinking, I was able to back away and go to bed. Kind of a close call at day 58. Stay vigilant everyone!

BigShoe

Good work. It's like someone left drano on the counter. Put it away and sleep sober

Venecia

Playing the tape all the way through -- good strategy!

You can do this, Malcolm.

Toffee1

That's a great effort Malcolm .well done on that and congrats on 58 days.

zombiegirl

Can I ask what playing the tape is? Well done malc xxx

FreeOwl

well done!

Playing the tape - in my understanding - is allowing the story of that drink to evolve into what we know will come of it. Using stock footage from our past, we have plenty of visual evidence stored away in our movie archives up there between our ears....

Play it forward... to the hangovers... play it forward... back to the feelings of hopelessness... play it forward.... to fights or arrests or losses or shame....

Play that tape forward through all the images that we have lived and that we KNOW damn well will come again - very likely worse this time - if we allow ourselves to allow that drink to flow.

Acheleus

Sometimes I have to stay sober one second at a time! At seventy days I feel better than I have in YEARS. My bad days are bad, but my good days are INCREDIBLE>

Rickh54

I am with you Acheleus at 68 days today. The bad days are few and far between at this point. Still think about drinking everyday, but common sense, guts and determination have so far won each and every thought. You can do this buddy. So can I. Lets stick with the SR family and each other. And never let down the guard.

MissionRecovery

Very well done. 58 days and you are able to realize about "the gift of desperation" I need to remember that. I am at 5.5 months and I am entering dangerous area. I normally doing good for 5-9 months and then relapse. Doing it since 2007 after 5 years of sobriety. I need to do something differently this time to stay sober.

BuddinK

One thing I noticed about bottles. They have skills at staring you down, however, if you hold them upside down they get so scared they wet themselves. It's best to do this over a drain. Once their bladders have been released they lose all power and can easily be placed in a trash receptacle.

PurpleKnight

Great job malcolm!!

alphaomega

LOVE this. Love.

least

I'm glad you won the staring match.

Dee74

That was a great post Malcolm thanks

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