Changing my life.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 4
Changing my life.
Hi,
Today is the day I'm starting my journey to sobriety. I have addiction problems with many things but alcohol being the main one.
Last night was the turning point. I was aggressive and mean to my mother, I cut my hair short, and self harmed again. In the past I've done countless stupid, horrifying, dangerous, mean things to myself and others when drunk. I've been to school drunk and now to work. I've woken up in hospital with police hovering over me.
I'm so utterly ashamed and embarrassed by myself and I don't want to be this person anymore. I'm just so scared of coping with reality and with my self and 'inner demons'.
I'm sorry that I blabbed there but I had to get it off my chest.
Today is the day I'm starting my journey to sobriety. I have addiction problems with many things but alcohol being the main one.
Last night was the turning point. I was aggressive and mean to my mother, I cut my hair short, and self harmed again. In the past I've done countless stupid, horrifying, dangerous, mean things to myself and others when drunk. I've been to school drunk and now to work. I've woken up in hospital with police hovering over me.
I'm so utterly ashamed and embarrassed by myself and I don't want to be this person anymore. I'm just so scared of coping with reality and with my self and 'inner demons'.
I'm sorry that I blabbed there but I had to get it off my chest.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Engerland
Posts: 897
Well done for posting Lyraisha.
There truly is an end to your suffering and a way forward.
You are ill, not bad, and there is a solution.
You are not alone now.
You have joined others who are recovering just as you will.
Be safe.
Gary
There truly is an end to your suffering and a way forward.
You are ill, not bad, and there is a solution.
You are not alone now.
You have joined others who are recovering just as you will.
Be safe.
Gary
Member
Join Date: May 2008
Location: Australia
Posts: 3,597
Welcome to the forum. You might find, like many of us do, that as we get sober, it's not easy but we find better ways of coping with our problems.
I'm pretty sure we all hated ourselves by the time we realised we needed to do something about our drinking. I have overwhelmingly seen people emerge from addiction with wonderful lives, self esteem and the capacity to deal with whatever difficulties they face.
I have good days and days where I don't want to get out of bed, but the worst day sober is better than the best day drinking. Hands down.
There's a lot of love and kindness here, no matter how down about yourself you feel.
I'm pretty sure we all hated ourselves by the time we realised we needed to do something about our drinking. I have overwhelmingly seen people emerge from addiction with wonderful lives, self esteem and the capacity to deal with whatever difficulties they face.
I have good days and days where I don't want to get out of bed, but the worst day sober is better than the best day drinking. Hands down.
There's a lot of love and kindness here, no matter how down about yourself you feel.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: England
Posts: 329
Hi and welcome. I am sorry you find yourself in a tough place at the moment. I think you are now on the right path you just need to be patient and there is no doubt that things will start to improve for you. There as also no doubt that alcohol is not the answer to anything and is the cause of most problems. Good luck and please keep posting.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: C.C. Ma.
Posts: 3,697
Welcome Lyraisha. This feeling of being sick and tired of being sick and tired can easily lead into a great period of inner calmness if we let it happen. There are many helpful people here and at AA which can be a beacon in the dark if used.
Whatever program that you find to be successful starts off be NOT picking up the first drink one moment at a time.
We need to be honest about our drinking and want to do this for ourselves.
BE WELL
Whatever program that you find to be successful starts off be NOT picking up the first drink one moment at a time.
We need to be honest about our drinking and want to do this for ourselves.
BE WELL
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,510
Welcome, Lyraisha
I love that your thread is entitled 'Changing my Life'.
Recovery involves so much more than stopping drinking. I'm glad you found us and that you are ready to be the person you want to be.
I love that your thread is entitled 'Changing my Life'.
Recovery involves so much more than stopping drinking. I'm glad you found us and that you are ready to be the person you want to be.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Pa
Posts: 62
Hello,
Im trying too. Haven't used or drank since thursday night and its starting to get harder with the thoughts and cravings beginning to get stronger and my restlessness at times getting really hard to take. Sucks. I have to face it though and I just can't keep drinking or using even though I know it will immediately take away all the BS Im going through right now. At least it would seem like that for a little while but then I'd be right back in the same pit I have been stuck so far in and I just am starting to see there is a way out. It helps me not to get all up in my head though so reading stuff here and listening to other podcasts and stuff helps me. Its too cold outside for me to want to walk but that helps me. Gotta start getting out and doing stuff. All my life has been for past years is working and drinking and using. I rarely got out and did things just for fun or anything. I was always too busy just wanting to use and drink and numb myself. I feel lucky that I haven't let things get that bad and really compared to some problems other people get themselves into I really don't have any. I think Ive finally just hit bottom again and it has sunk in that if I don't climb up out of this I am going to end up getting myself into trouble way over my head sooner or later. I can't keep up with my habits and its starting to take its toll on m I think. I really have been lucky in the past. I have so many close calls and really I am amazed I didn't get killed a couple times in some really close calls or end getting myself into trouble due to my drinking and using.
thanks for listening. Just want to say keep on keeping on and good work. Thanks for listening to me go on but it helps me to write this stuff down as I think it kind of helps it sink into my thick skull? I make a lot more sense when Im not drunk and loaded I have a pretty good feeling. Yeah, no doubt at all. You should have seen me on a bad night which was often most all the time. ha but not very ha at all.
take care.
Im trying too. Haven't used or drank since thursday night and its starting to get harder with the thoughts and cravings beginning to get stronger and my restlessness at times getting really hard to take. Sucks. I have to face it though and I just can't keep drinking or using even though I know it will immediately take away all the BS Im going through right now. At least it would seem like that for a little while but then I'd be right back in the same pit I have been stuck so far in and I just am starting to see there is a way out. It helps me not to get all up in my head though so reading stuff here and listening to other podcasts and stuff helps me. Its too cold outside for me to want to walk but that helps me. Gotta start getting out and doing stuff. All my life has been for past years is working and drinking and using. I rarely got out and did things just for fun or anything. I was always too busy just wanting to use and drink and numb myself. I feel lucky that I haven't let things get that bad and really compared to some problems other people get themselves into I really don't have any. I think Ive finally just hit bottom again and it has sunk in that if I don't climb up out of this I am going to end up getting myself into trouble way over my head sooner or later. I can't keep up with my habits and its starting to take its toll on m I think. I really have been lucky in the past. I have so many close calls and really I am amazed I didn't get killed a couple times in some really close calls or end getting myself into trouble due to my drinking and using.
thanks for listening. Just want to say keep on keeping on and good work. Thanks for listening to me go on but it helps me to write this stuff down as I think it kind of helps it sink into my thick skull? I make a lot more sense when Im not drunk and loaded I have a pretty good feeling. Yeah, no doubt at all. You should have seen me on a bad night which was often most all the time. ha but not very ha at all.
take care.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Hi Lyraisha. 
You sound so ready to do this! I felt the same way at the end of my drinking career. That's when I found SR. It was great to not be alone anymore. I was able to get free of it, and you will too.
You sound so ready to do this!
I felt the same way at the end of my drinking career. That's when I found SR. It was great to not be alone anymore. I was able to get free of it, and you will too.
Brother of the Wolf
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Walking With Giants
Posts: 436
Sometimes our inner demons can be excellent teachers if we can face them sober. I would never know the vast majority of the things that I know about myself if I was still swirling around the bottom of a bottle. What I did learn was that I generally like myself, and considering that I don't like most things I'll take the win. Good luck.
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