2bhappier

I feel like a failure because I've still been drinking a bit as you know. I have gone 2 days w/o alcohol but am not confident in my ability to make it through the long weekend. So, this is what I've decided to do:
1) I met someone who I would like to ask to sponsor me in AA. I haven't asked her yet but we're getting together for coffee on Sunday and I plan to ask her then.

2) I am going to admit to her that I am continuing to drink and listen to what she says.

Other than that I don't know what else to do. Maybe I am not done drinking yet but I sure want to be. I feel like I have no willpower and that makes me feel down about myself which makes me want to drink. I feel like I am a terrible person for this, a bad parent, and generally a piece of crap.

least

You're not a piece of crap, you're an alcoholic.

I hope your meeting with your prospective sponsor goes well.

Nonsensical

My addiction tries to bully me, too. It tells me I'm a a failure. It tells me I don't matter therefore it doesn't matter if I drink. It tells me I'm a loser and nobody loves me and alcohol is the only thing that will help; my only friend.

It lies. It is a manipulative liar, using me to get what it wants. My life became significantly better when I stopped taking advice from a known liar.

seahorse661

I think it's a great step. And be assured, many people are still drinking when they first go to AA.
You're not a failure at all, its hard not to drink when you're alcoholic. It gets easier the more sober time you have, you learn skills that help you.

I also felt I had no willpower. Only when I stopped fighting did I start staying sober

All the best x

EagerforChange

2bhappy - Hang in their, most of us have probably been there.

Although it is difficult, try thinking about what you really want long-term out of life, what is your purpose? Figure out does alcohol play any role in that. I "zoomed out" on my life, and it was an obvious answer for me, and the answer was that it really didn't contribute at all to any of my long-term goals. That seemed to take the focus off the minute by minute struggle for me. But it is hard.

Good luck.

Anna

It sounds like a good idea. If there is something that will help you deal with your addiction, then give it a try. I hope you find your way.

koko

nonsesnical I love your post!You hit the nail on the head.I'm learning day by day to shut down that liar!

doggonecarl

I think approaching a potential sponser is a great step. The next great step will be to work step one.