Bxy678

Hi guys,

I'm called Beckie I am new to this forum, found it when looking for other people who have had the same or similar experiences of myself.

I'll start from the very beginning for the last 23 years I've always had a idea that my dad is or was a user of heroin. Due to seeing and hearing many things over the last two decades from a young age I always knew but never said anything to my parents as I knew my mum also knew had used or still was using.

In November my parents relationship broke down after many years of it being on the rocks, so they separated and my mum moved out leaving my father in our family home. I moved into my partners and my older sister already lived in her own property.

After a few weeks I noticed dramatic weight loss and while my dad was in work one day I went back to the family home to pick up some post while in the house I noticed a packet for a need head on the kitchen side. This shook me too the core as I honestly thought he would not use again after I found methadone in his room a few year before. (This is one reason I knew he had used before I was 6 when I found the Bottle of methadone) never has mum it father told me of his use it has always been kept a secret.

I kept the information to myself in regrds to the needle head packet I had found. Then on Christmas Day I was round my dads and I found a pack of sterile strips of cleaning the area before you use. Again I kept this information to myself for another 3 weeks.

The overwhelming sadnes and stress became too much and I confined to my mother told her what I had seen and for her to finally tell me the truth..

After a few hours of conversation I found out my mother use to be a heroin addict with my father and that I was born a addict.. For 23 years I've have never known the full extent of my life... I feel lonely and betrayed.

I also found out my dad had been using on and off for the last 25 years. My dad doe not know I know thes details nor does my older sister as she is completely ablivious to this.

I now feel very confused and unbelievably saddened by this what do I do next?

jjj111

Bxy, I'm so sorry for what brings you here! I can only imagine how betrayed you must feel by the secrets your parents have been keeping. A few things that helped me when I first came to SR were to read the stickies and also a book a lot of people recommended called Codependent No More by Melody Beattie. A lot of people have found that as friends and family of addicts, the most important thing we can do is find ways to take good care of ourselves and work the recovery we wish our loved ones would work. Some people find that Nar-Anon, Al-Anon, or Adult Children of Alcoholics meetings, or individual therapy can be very helpful in talking through our problems with our addicts and finding healthy boundaries. Many people have also found, I think, that it's important to accept that we didn't cause the addiction, we can't control it, and can't cure it. Good luck, and keep coming back!

jjj111

BTW, that dog is adorable!!!

Katiekate

This obviously is hard and very hurtful information, and I am so sorry for your pain, I just can't imagaine.

I think maybe the best and only thing you can do is to try and work and process through all of this with the help of a counselor or some meetings, alanon might be a supportive place for you.

What I felt reading your post was compassion, for you, and how hurt and devastated you must have felt.

It's about your healing first, the other stuff is about them, their healing is on their shoulders.

Sending love your way, Katie

hopeful4

I am so very sorry. Is your mother still an active user? You need to get yourself some therapy to get through what is very difficult news for you. I also urge you to open up to your siblings and those you love. Having an addict in your life can be a very lonely road filled with anxiety. For myself, when I opened up to my family members and those around me, I felt much more free and gained support I so desperately need.

Unfortunately H is a strong, powerful, addictive drug. One can beat the addiction, but they have to want it deep down for themselves. They also have to be prepared to fight it each day for the rest of their lives.

Hugs to you. Keep posting, you are not alone in all of this. You will find great support here at SR but you will need face to face support also.

I wish you a weekend of peace.

Bxy678

Thanks jjj,

I feel I do need to get some help talk to somebody I feel this forum will help me understand and hopefully make some friends

Thanks my dogs calls Nelly she's a cutie! Xx

hopeful4

Nelly is adorable!!!!

Bxy678

Again thank you Katie and hopeful4 for your support, it feels a relief people understanding my situation rather than making an assumption on my family life.

I'm not strong enough to let my older sister know she has a idea he has started using but she does not know about the past use and my mothers use of the drug when I was younger, my mother is no longer using hasn't for 20 years. My sister has said she would disown my dad if he is using.

Thanks again xx

hopeful4

One of the things I have said here many times because it resonated with me when I heard it is this. If you take away the consequences of using from an addict they never have a reason to hit bottom. It is taking away any chances of recovery from them.

In other words, they have to face consequences to ever want to stop. I hope you do not make yourself suffer in silence while he gets to continue to use. That is not fair to you or your family. Addiction is a family disease, you deserve to be well as much as the rest of your family.

Hugs.