Lillypad90

BF and I will have been together for 5 years this September. We met through mutual friends when I was 19 and use to drink all the time as well. We got together very quick and moved a month afterwards.

10 months into the relationship, I found out I was pregnant and had my daughter in March 2011. During my pregnancy he would still drink, but started using meth again (he was a user before but not when I first got together with him). I was so oblivious to everything around because I was concerned and focused on the life I was bringing into the world.

His drinking had gotten worse to the point where he HAD to drink every single day and he would take care of our daughter drunk while I went to work to support our home.

One night I came home from work and was told that he was getting pretty close to one of our friends and she didn't appreciate it so she left angry. I tried not to wake him up, since he was passed out drunk, and to have a sober talk with him about it the next day. He woke up an hour later, went outside and smoked, and came back and tried to cuddle with me. I pushed him off of me and told him that I don't want him touching me and then the arguing started. He decided to grab me and smash my head into my daughter's crib where she was sleeping. Then he got on top of me and he started to choke me. I tried everything in my power to get him off of me but he was too strong. I started to blackout a little and then I started to hear my daughter cry. I manged to get my neck lose a little for a breath of air and he finally stopped. Luckily, I lived next door to his sister, she called the cops, and he went to jail for a month. Of course, he begged me to drop the charges and that he would change and I did.

He has been drinking nonstop ever since and he emotionally abuses me. Calls me names, threatens me in any way, and just looks down on me. I'm at the point where I want to leave him but I feel bad that he would just get worse and something terrible might happen to him. I love him but I am feeling like I am falling out of love. Also, I am afraid to tell him that I want to break up with him and things might get physical again. I don't know what to do. Anything helps to put things in perspective for me

Ofelie

I am more worried that something terrible might happen to you, not him. I have just recently found this place, and it has been a huge help to me so far, having gone through similar things myself recently. It is chock full of resources to help you get out of this awful situation. Be strong for your little one, she is the one that matters, not him. Listen well to the advice from people on this site, it really helps talking to people who have lived what you are going through. Be safe and get away from this guy, love. It will not get better with him, I'm sorry to say.

soberhawk

Lilly,

Welcome to SR.

Can you find someone to support you when you break up with him.

Stay strong, you will find a solution.

Lillypad90

Thank you for your words and your advice. I just think of my current living situation. I just bought my landlords house last year and I don't know whether to kick him out or just have him and his dad rent the place from me and I go find my own place.

So many things to factor in but you are right. I need to get out for my sake and my daughter's sake.

Lillypad90

I have his sister but she lives in Washington and my mom has been begging me to leave him and come stay with her for a bit

BoxinRotz

You need to get OUT or kick him OUT!

Are you waiting for him to kill you or what?

Are you afraid King Baby will not be able to survive with out you?

Do you think it's ok to let your baby watch this madness and listen to a drunked out meth head verbally and emotionally abuse you?

Do you really think this guy is going to spare her all this pain in the future?

If you stay, you need to make sure all your final wishes are in order because that a$$hole is going to fawkin kill you.

No sugar coating for you this early in the morning! WAKE UP!!!

Tentindependent

Put things in perspective? He tried to kill you. In front of your child. How much worse can things get?

I'm really concerned for you right now. I have a feeling you know what you need to do. Have you been in touch with any women's aid organisations? You're right to be worried about his reaction to your leaving, abusers don't tend to take kindly to it. Have you considered getting an injuction?

I's suggest read through the resources on this site, particularly regarding abuse. Time and time again I read about people conditioned to be more concerned about their abusers than themselves. I've been there myself. It sickens me how these people operate.

amy55

Lilly,

First welcome to SR, but sorry you needed to find us.

Second -- the Domestic Violence hotline is 1-800-799-SAFE

I am so sorry this is happening to you. Your H is dangerous. Please call the number above, they can help you plan things out, in the state that you live in.

Don't worry about him at all, worry about you and your child. Choking you till you black out or almost black out is definitely an indication of future stronger violence. You aren't in a safe situation.

You can probably get an Restraining Order to get him out of there. You do have the police record, and also he was in jail for a month for that. When you call the general DV # above, they will connect you to the resources in your state. They will help you with a plan for the safest way to do things, and they can also provide counseling for you. It would help for you to talk to someone face to face.

Also keep coming back here. We care.

((((((((((((hugs))))))))))))

honeypig

Welcome to SR. As others have already said, my concern is NOT for "how he is going to survive" but for YOU and IF you are going to survive the next attack! Please do some reading here:

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...out-abuse.html

and please do contact Domestic Violence, as has been suggested. Nothing else matters if you and/or your child are not alive to see it!

Ofelie

The one thing that might help you to put in the forefront of your mind...that helped me get my abuser out was that I didn't want my son who is learning how to be a man watching the abuse and turning into an abuser...and I didn't want my girls growing up thinking that was normal and becoming a victim themselves. If anything, realize that the life you live and provide for your child is one she will model her own after as an adult. Once that hit home for me, I knew he had to go. You don't want your girl to grow up and let some deadbeat addict put his hands on her, take away her dignity and self worth and damage her precious body. Maybe think about how angry you would be if he laid a hand on her...because that is probably coming. Maybe that will give you the gumption to do what you already know in your gut is right. I don't think keeping him in your life at all...even as a renter would be a wise idea. Clean break, fresh start, for you and your girlie.

soberhawk

I sounds like a good idea to go to your sisters or mother and organize the break up from a distance.

Keeping you and your daughter save should be the first priority.

I would leave to be in a safe place and I would not rent the place to him, you could rent the place to a stranger for a period. It is not sensible to rent your house to a person that has been violent against you.

Violence from boyfriends/husbands is seldom only once it is mostly repeated – and as he is threatening you now.

Find a place where you are save and organize the rest from there.

Take care.