Living Sober Sucks! (but living drunk sucks more) Michael A. Tushel
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Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Reno, Nv
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Living Sober Sucks! (but living drunk sucks more) Michael A. Tushel
Mr. Tushel,
Is correct, I loved being drunk, I loved it to the point that I was ready to allow it to kill myself drinking literally! Each and everyday, I felt the need to slowly inebriate myself point of staring death in the eyes.....
This evening, I am feeling tempted to drink more so than any other night, I had a personally troubling instance today! My past has come hauntingly to present to manifest itself in a way I never thought possible. The alcohol has been purchased and i've been staring my old nemesis down with the absolute intensity of a fly to the neon light of a bug zapper.
I keeping telling myself that I've made it 12 days and I will make it to 13 days. However, I am fully cognizant of the fact, this time, the alcohol is right there for my taking and I am feeling more down then I have in a long, long. time.
I mean its right there! Nothing stops me from being. the me, the person I've been for years. Nothing, but me that is..... Never been so tempted in my life to do something. Why? I mean all my work the I've put in has been spent, no way out for me! To drink is the opportunity turn off what is, and make it what isn't.... What is the harm? The ultimate cost is the life of an insignificant loser, thank can't make things right?
I am staring down this bottle with an intensity of a eagle and its prey..... Why is it that I've made it 12 days and then,.... can't say all things are sub-personable. However, I can reiterate the words of Pet Semetary, what we do, is what we do, but what we do always comes back to get us and now, at this moment what I've done has come back to get me!
No amount of positive changes will effect my past, don't be me, I may very well be in trouble..... I've done nothing wrong, and even tried to make amends, but the parties that be will not be swayed.... So with that, I am lost cause. Please don't be this desperate, don't feel this pain, know that the decisions that you make or don't make will one day come to head!
But not tonight, I've tossed the alcohol, sadly I am going to go thru my tribulation without booze! A win, maybe, but albeit a small one. I won't be dissuaded from my ultimately goal of sobriety....... but, tonight sucks..... How does one comfort oneself without alcohol, when they don't know better? How, I am waiting for that miracle.
I suppose for tonight, I've won! But for how long does my reprieve from alcohol last given the fact that now, I am may have trouble on the horizon.
Just one night in the mind of an addict, discount what I've said, I don't matter you do, but please, please, please be aware of the consequences they have....
Being Sober Sucks, but being inebriated sucks more, tnoght I will make it, but what about tomorrow. Addiction suck, why did I ever end up in such a mess.... I guess that is a rhetorical question for all, otherwise, we wouldn't be on SR. Right? but don't forget those consequences, it seems now I won't!
Good night thanks for reading my digression an frustrations.
Is correct, I loved being drunk, I loved it to the point that I was ready to allow it to kill myself drinking literally! Each and everyday, I felt the need to slowly inebriate myself point of staring death in the eyes.....
This evening, I am feeling tempted to drink more so than any other night, I had a personally troubling instance today! My past has come hauntingly to present to manifest itself in a way I never thought possible. The alcohol has been purchased and i've been staring my old nemesis down with the absolute intensity of a fly to the neon light of a bug zapper.
I keeping telling myself that I've made it 12 days and I will make it to 13 days. However, I am fully cognizant of the fact, this time, the alcohol is right there for my taking and I am feeling more down then I have in a long, long. time.
I mean its right there! Nothing stops me from being. the me, the person I've been for years. Nothing, but me that is..... Never been so tempted in my life to do something. Why? I mean all my work the I've put in has been spent, no way out for me! To drink is the opportunity turn off what is, and make it what isn't.... What is the harm? The ultimate cost is the life of an insignificant loser, thank can't make things right?
I am staring down this bottle with an intensity of a eagle and its prey..... Why is it that I've made it 12 days and then,.... can't say all things are sub-personable. However, I can reiterate the words of Pet Semetary, what we do, is what we do, but what we do always comes back to get us and now, at this moment what I've done has come back to get me!
No amount of positive changes will effect my past, don't be me, I may very well be in trouble..... I've done nothing wrong, and even tried to make amends, but the parties that be will not be swayed.... So with that, I am lost cause. Please don't be this desperate, don't feel this pain, know that the decisions that you make or don't make will one day come to head!
But not tonight, I've tossed the alcohol, sadly I am going to go thru my tribulation without booze! A win, maybe, but albeit a small one. I won't be dissuaded from my ultimately goal of sobriety....... but, tonight sucks..... How does one comfort oneself without alcohol, when they don't know better? How, I am waiting for that miracle.
I suppose for tonight, I've won! But for how long does my reprieve from alcohol last given the fact that now, I am may have trouble on the horizon.
Just one night in the mind of an addict, discount what I've said, I don't matter you do, but please, please, please be aware of the consequences they have....
Being Sober Sucks, but being inebriated sucks more, tnoght I will make it, but what about tomorrow. Addiction suck, why did I ever end up in such a mess.... I guess that is a rhetorical question for all, otherwise, we wouldn't be on SR. Right? but don't forget those consequences, it seems now I won't!
Good night thanks for reading my digression an frustrations.
Hears The Voice
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: Unshackled
Posts: 7,901
Originally Posted by Thatdeliveryguy 
To drink is the opportunity turn off what is, and make it what isn't.... What is the harm? The ultimate cost is the life of an insignificant loser.
It will never shut up if you feed it. It might shut up if you starve it.
I hope you feel better today.
Being sober has its problems but nothing like being drunk. 
Alcohol Free Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 482
Your AV is a part of your sub-concious which you are over-riding day after to day.
You are winning the battle and this fight will get easier.
I will share with you a thread I wrote about the Alcoholic Voice.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-voice-av.html
I hope it brings some clarity and helps in your struggle.
Different things work for different people, but may I also suggest AA, its not for everyone, but in my own opinion, trying to stare down a drink, so early in recovery (remember hopefully you will leave now for decades, not months and years), is a little like playing with fire. Sooner or later, you will drop the ball.
You are winning the battle and this fight will get easier.
I will share with you a thread I wrote about the Alcoholic Voice.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-voice-av.html
I hope it brings some clarity and helps in your struggle.
Different things work for different people, but may I also suggest AA, its not for everyone, but in my own opinion, trying to stare down a drink, so early in recovery (remember hopefully you will leave now for decades, not months and years), is a little like playing with fire. Sooner or later, you will drop the ball.
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Don't hate it so much. It's a part of you.
The more you objectify your addiction -- whether it be a bug zapper, an eagle's prey or a disembodied part of you that really isn't you -- the more you place yourself at its mercy.
It was no ghost of drinking past that bought that booze, that put you in a vulnerable position, that seduced you to drink. It was you and only you. Just as it was you who made the decision not to drink.
The more you objectify your addiction -- whether it be a bug zapper, an eagle's prey or a disembodied part of you that really isn't you -- the more you place yourself at its mercy.
It was no ghost of drinking past that bought that booze, that put you in a vulnerable position, that seduced you to drink. It was you and only you. Just as it was you who made the decision not to drink.
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