readerbaby71

I have a plan to leave my job at the end of March. I am going to tell my boss at the beginning of February so we have plenty of time to train someone new. I am an office manager at a very small dental practice, and the place was in shambles when I got here three years ago. I've implemented a lot of things that have improved production, customer service, and acquiring new patients. My boss is grateful and we're on good terms, but she's extremely passive aggressive and negative. It used to bother me sooooo much, but I've learned how to detach.

What's making me anxious is that she's going through a lot of crap right now, and I am worried about what her reaction to my leaving will be. (I know, it's pointless). Her mom died two weeks ago, while she was gone a pipe burst in her house and destroyed two floors, and we are moving the office on March 21. I plan on helping and coordinating the move, but as soon as it's done I'm going to be leaving. I'm concerned about all kinds of things that really are not my responsibility or for me to worry about, and I actually feel guilty for leaving her at this time.

The events of the past year have made me realize that I rarely put myself first. That I've become scared of change. That's not the kind of person I want to be. I am a freelance writer and really want to build my own business. My father is retired but still has a lot of opportunities that I can take advantage of to make money. He's wonderful and always supports me in whatever I do.

I know I need to make this change but it's so scary. Although I feel pretty good and confident right now I'm still anxious about it. I know it's normal. Anyone would be nervous about making such a drastic change. I just have to remember that the dental office will get along fine without me, and things will work out financially if I keep a positive attitude and work hard at what I truly want to do.

I haven't really figured my BF into this equation because he's so early in recovery. I can't count on him financially and although I know he'll support me emotionally as much as he can, he's not all that strong himself right now. That's okay. This is about me and my codependence and confidence issues anyway.

Just thinking out loud here. Any input is welcome. Thanks, all!

JustAGirl1971

Readerbaby, as someone who hires/fires people, I can tell you that you should not feel bad for doing what is best for you (leaving the job.) A job is a temporary (some more temporary than others) contract between two people for services provided period. Even when we develop a friendship with our boss or employee, that relationship is and should be, separate from the professional contract for services provided. You have no obligation to your boss other than performing the work for which you're paid. It doesn't matter what is happening in her life. That's her problem, not yours. I know it sounds cold, but it's the truth.

DON'T FEEL BAD! Just be excited for the new chapter in your life I'm excited for you!

MissFixit

i say good for you for taking care of yourself and moving forward!

SparkleKitty

If your boss decided she wanted to move to the Bahamas and open a dental practice there, would she let her fear and worry over how you'd take it affect her resolve?

KateL

Go for it. It's good that you are confident to make change in your life. I hope it works out well xxx

hopeful4

RB...I am very happy for you. This is a big change that you have obviously thought alot about. I agree, it is a contract between two people. In no way does a job trump you doing what is right in the grand scope of your life.

I wish you all the luck in the world!

readerbaby71

I am speculating too much on what's going to happen. She takes things very personally and I'm afraid she'll flip out or be mean while I'm still here. I just want our parting to be on good terms, but I can only control my own behavior, right?!

readerbaby71

Also, she commissioned my BF to do a painting for the new office. I don't want her to screw him over because I'm leaving. Why am I thinking of all these negatives that could happen?! I guess because I've seen her bad behavior. The way that she's treated others when they've pissed her off kind of scary. I need to stop thinking about it.

hopeful4

You cannot control how she is going to act. RB...do not fear making a postive change in your own life because someone may be mean about it. If she is she is. That's too bad, but it is on her. I do human resources for our office and I would never ever fault anyone for wanting to better themselves. In fact, just last month one of my favorite employees and friend moved on. I wish her the very best because she needs change in her life. Either way, she had absolutely no control over my reaction just like you cannot control your bosses.

Make the move for you! Hopefully she will not negate the deal for the painting, but if she does shame on her, and hopefully he can find someone else to do a painting for.

Good Luck!!!

readerbaby71

Thanks, Hopeful. It can go either way. I could totally see her being bummed that I'm leaving but encouraging me to go for it! I'm crazy.

hopeful4

LOL...you are not crazy! You do not want to spend you last days there with someone treating you like crap...that is definitely not crazy.

You know, the power of suggestion is amazing. Maybe you could word is as though "Although I know you would never fault me for this, I hate to have to move on." Or "I was so nervous to tell you even though I know you would only wish me the best." I have found wording things with what you expect of someone sometimes shames them into good behavior if nothing else. Worth a try anyways!

MissFixit

i have worked for someone who was sometimes nice but then super crazy. totally unpredictable and a main reason i left. her instability likely has affected others' positions with her too. i read somewhere that people leave bad bosses more often than bad jobs.

readerbaby71

She's the same way! It can be really stressful at times.

MissFixit

yes. actually 3 jobs i had were small businesses run similarly. if they were in a good mood, then things were fine, if they were in a bad mood, then watch out! all three places had high turnover rates, and i did not know why until i too had enough and left.

atalose

I think it’s fantastic you are going to make positive changes in your life. I think it’s hard NOT to project outcomes especially when you really know the person and have witnessed their behaviors towards other people. It’s true we cannot control how other people react but we certainly can control how we react to their reactions.

I’m thinking it’s generous of you to give notice in Feb and not leave until the end of March, that’s 8 weeks, are you sure you want to give a passive aggressive negative person that much time to possible attack you and make your remaining time there unbearable? Just sayin……

iamthird

Great thread.

Its funny as codependents that we don't realize we are codependent with everyone in our lives.

I am realizing this as well too with my employer. Staying through the abuse and misery is a common theme for me.

So proud of you for having the courage to make such a change and glad you have a support system in place.

Good luck!!

foolsgold66

I'm a big advocate of quitting jobs, I hope to do it again soon!

BlueSkies1

I'd brace myself.
Your boss has gone through hell lately. That doesn't mean you should change your plans.
But she could take it personally, or it could set her off.
I'd expect the worst reaction, and hope for the best. That way, I'd be ready for the backlash, and pleasantly surprised if she didn't blow a gasket.
What she does is out of your control, and not about you, even if she tries to make it about you.
How you react to her if she does blow up--protect yourself is all I'm saying! Detach from her reaction if it is unfair to you.

Hammer

jmho.

Since you may have been her Best Worker, Ever . . .

Why not Go Out as the Best Quitter Ever, too?

Offer to recruit and fully train your replacement.

Present three winners and let her choose.

And maybe be "on call" to help out for a month or two after -- if you have done the recruitment and training well -- you will likely not be needed.

readerbaby71

Thanks, Hammer. This is exactly what I plan to do. It's not like I want to leave her in the lurch. That's not my style and I would like to continue getting cheap or free dental care in the future! LOL