Notimetoloose

I had an interesting conversation this evening after an AA meeting, not to dissimilar to one I had several weeks ago at another AA meeting.

A little about me, I have a history of addiction. I am in my late 50's. I look healthy for my age and lifestyle and am told that I have a nice face.

I am currently 67 days sober, I have been attempting to get and stay sober for the last 4 years and in that time the longest period of sobriety has been 5 months, lots of 1 mths and 2 mths 2 weeks etc.

Alcohol did not become a serious problem for me till my mid 40's. I had started the occasional drink around 40ish.

Prior to that I had maintained complete sobriety for about 12 years.

I had an opiate addiction for 15 years and then when I finally got straight I was 28, I then did a methadone plan for a 12mths taper to nil.

Heres the thing, I had been in different rehabs during that 15 years of addiction and had tried to get straight and failed many times.
When I finally succeeded in the end with the aid of methadone taper and really a RR, AVERT, style of recovery.
Using just was not an option and any thoughts of using was quickly shut down by me.
Everything I did physically, mentally and emotionally was to move forward in my life and know that I would never use again.

I am doing a hybrid style of recovery this time.
My plan is to move forward in my life sober forever and do what ever that takes. The tools I am using to support me are here SR and RR, AVERT style and I wanted to do a few AA meetings a month. I like the face to face and hearing the similarities and identify...Early days.

Tonight, I identify, addict, alcoholic, yada yada.

After the meeting, a young man whose only substance of abuse was alcohol suggested that NA would be better for me.
I informed him that it is almost 30 years since I have used opiates and I feel that substance addiction, regardless of which one is still addiction...even if it is called alcoholism.
4 weeks ago I was told by another man at another meeting that when I identify to say I am an alcoholic, not an addict/ alcoholic because this meeting is for alcoholics.
What are your thoughts...I feel apart from the substances being different the compulsion and addiction side feels exactly the same to me.

Joe Nerv

My thoughts are that there are some people in AA who are very frightened by the mention of drugs at a meeting, and that is their problem. If you have a desire to stop drinking, you are welcome at any AA meeting. If you want to save yourself some confrontation you might want to take the suggestion of keeping the "addict" stuff out of your dialogue. That however is entirely up to you, and there are no AA rules saying you can't mention drugs. If a group really makes you uncomfortable you can also find another group that isn't uptight about it. There are lots of them.

KateL

Ignore the pendantic stalwarts, go where you want and say what you want. x

Threshold

Many AA groups do ask that people identify only as alcoholics in the meetings, since AA has a primary purpose....to address alcoholism.

Go to whichever meetings/groups help you. NA considers alcohol a drug, so it is "covered". Also NA addresses the problem of addiction NOT the substance, but the underlying addiction.

In the preamble read at every meeting it is stated that "We are not interested in what or how much you used or who your connections were, what you have done in the past, how much or how little you have, but only in what you want to do about your problem and how we can help."

(from the white booklet)

The ONLY requirement of AA is that you want to stop drinking. So you are certainly welcome and "qualified" to attend AA. Perhaps they suggested NA because they don't know your full story, and you did identify as an addict as well as an alcoholic. But in no way are you not welcome to attend AA.

however, out of respect for the primary purpose you might want to consider only identifying as an alcoholic.

I'm glad you are in recovery and have joined SR.

KateL

I always say I am an addict because that's what I am, although I have never taken anything other than alcohol. An addict is an addict and I know where you are coming from. People being picky about the jargon is a bit irritating, but if it irks them that much then just go with the flow. I rarely said I was an alcoholic and nobody seemed to mind. It should never be a them and us situation. I have heard people whisper at meetings that alcohol is legal, therefore we were never asking for trouble, but people taking drugs are. Ridiculous. But that's just people, not the whole organisation.

IOAA2

Hi. In your situation you go to meetings for a problem you have with alcohol so I see no conflict. That's me. Many old timers adhere to the AA Preamble which is a short version of the traditions without which there would be no AA. It only refers to alcohol. SO???
I never did drugs but I imagine the reasons are similar, escaping our feelings. For many it might be a problem of understanding the addicts description of things like uppers, downers, shooting, selling their bodies, injecting oneself and on and on along with what seems to be a huge choice of items to get screwed up on. Perhaps a pamphlet regarding definitions might clear things up for blind people like myself as understanding I think is vital with so many addicts in society.

BE WELL

Notimetoloose

Threshold, I don't want to be disrespectful to AA.
When I left drug addiction behind me, I worked very hard, I learnt about myself. I got my dignity and self esteem back. I learnt to like myself and got used to navigating the world chemically free. I also achieved a lot. I got educated and employable, bought a home in a lovely leafy suburb and rose to the position of a director of a small company.
Recovering from drug addiction is my greatest achievement apart from my children. When I listen to people identify in an AA meeting, I listen & identify with them as an addict alcoholic. I do strongly identify myself as a recovered addict and a recovering alcoholic.

IOAA2

Also remember that people here, at the end of a wire really have only an opinion about things they don't know much about.

A well run AA group can decide at a group conscious meeting how their meeting will operate as long as it does not hurt AA as a whole. We may not like it but they can ban coffee, children, woman/men, gays, addicts and anything that might affect a meeting. Usually most meetings are very liberal but at times things like children running around are distracting, along with beautiful children who bring on much attention. These are tough decisions especially at daytime meetings where woman with children tend to go.
Again remember that the bottom line is this is a deadly disease being dealt with by all.

BE WELL

KateL

I understand about children running around, but gays? come on!

Notimetoloose

Joe, I did go to a large meeting over 12 mths ago where when a young women got up to identify and said she was an addict and you could almost hear the muffled non acceptance of her.

The meeting tonight is one when I have been quite a few times and is my favourite and I felt safe to say what is significant to me and my addiction history.

IOAA2

I was only using the list as an example. I've seen gay only meetings which I suppose ban straight people. Lets face it, a particular group has an easier time identifying with each other like doctors, lawyers convicts etc.

BE WELL

Threshold

NoTime, I totally understand that you don't want to be disrespectful, and that identifying as an addict isn't even an act of disrespect at all.

But some AA groups (meetings) do ask that people don't identify as an addict or talk about drug use. You might ask the secretary of the particular meeting (before or after the meeting) if that is in the group conscious of that particular group.

I know that some people consider it uptight and judgemental that some groups ask that people focus only on alcoholism, but there IS a point behind it.

If someone walks into an AA meeting and people are introducing themselves as binge eaters, cutters, cocaine snorters, sex addicts...things might get confusing, and could shift the focus off the primary purpose of addressing alcoholism.

There is nothing wrong with those things, nothing to be ashamed of, and addressing those issues is just as important...but AA has a primary focus of alcoholism.

I really don't think it should be held against any AA group that they request people focus on alcoholism at the meetings.

I'm not even an AA member, but I can understand why they often do this. Some groups don't seem to care, just ask around and see how the particular group/meeting handles it.

And try not to take it personally, because it is not ever aimed at anyone or any addiction, it is just a blanket decision to keep things simple for everyone.

I expect the muffled reaction was NOT a judgment against addicts or non acceptance, as much as not wanting the meeting to derail it's focus on alcoholism. Many groups have had experience in the past, and people do bristle a bit when something like that comes up.

Notimetoloose

Thanks Kate, You know it does, it feels exactly the same, the addiction side of it.
Groundhog day. Different substance, same addiction.

KateL

I just thinks that over complicates things. But that's just me and probably why I don't attend anymore. But I do think that any abuser of substance whether it be drugs or alcohol are much the same, but again that is just my opinion. I don't care for exlusitivity because, to me, it borders on elitism and, dare I say it, ego. Look at the similarites and not the differences - hmmm x

Notimetoloose

Theshold and IOAA2,
You both make great point about keeping the meeting on track with primary focus being on alcoholism and to stop it derailing into something else.

Kevin78

Addiction is addiction regardless of drink or drug. If AA helps you stay sober or clean, then keep up the good work.

KateL

Indeed. Don't be put off a revocery program that is sucessful for you over one word. They can't throw you out. xxxxxx

FreeOwl

just let that judgement roll off your back and if you feel the need to comment at all just say "listen; what works for my recovery is what I will use. My sobriety is more important to me than your opinion and I hope you can respect that".

There are many who attend the AA groups I participate in and some identify as alcoholic / addicts, some simply as addicts, some with their own flavor of identifying (like "I'm a recovering human being").

I think anyone who is pointing that kind of judgy baloney in your direction is simply shining a light on their own issues that remain to be dealt with.

Focus on you. Do what works for you.

freshstart57

I used multiple addictive substances too, not just alcohol, though that was the one that did the most damage. I quit the others, and never looked back. Somehow, I had it in my mind that alcohol was different, and I wouldn't be successful in quitting that addiction without 'a program of recovery'. Well, that didn't turn out to be a good fit for me, so I just quit anyway.
After a while here at SR, I learned that what I had done was a RR style AVRT recovery, and when I learned more about it, I was able to identify my AV in more of my thoughts, and also in the statements of others. I am sure you can hear that AV in some of the statements at your AA meetings. For example, the fear that your identification as previously addicted to opiates could possibly sully their sobriety is self doubt and AV writ large.

If you keep your definition of AV present and continue your mindful appreciation of your thoughts and those of others, you are going to do just fine, whether in AA, NA or some jumble of the two. Identify those AV thoughts, separate your will from them, accept their presence, and then just get on with your fine self. Onward!

Threshold

exactly, this is why NA deals with addiction. Because what a person is addicted to usually isn't the issue, it's the addiction itself.

People have formed many different 12 step groups because it can also be nice to talk with other people that understand the same issues you're dealing with. I think it's great that there are so many options.

I've taken some flack from people who consider some of those groups watered down, or less than but that has not been my experience with them.

SR is open and welcoming to all, but even though there is a section here for eating disorders etc, I have found forums that focus on THAT issue specifically more helpful for support with it. No harm, no foul, I think it's impossible to be all things to all people, and it's fine to focus on a certain thing and do it well.