BigCal

Hello all,

So I'm a bored Aussie bloke who has been partying too hard for 4 - 5 years. On January 1st, I decided to go cold turkey from: daily smoking weed, cigarettes, every weekend hittin' cocaine, getting drunk most days, using excessive amounts of mdma every 3 weeks and occasional meth about once a month. This has continually gone on for about 4 years, and now I've been 15 days clean, but I feel like I am going mentally insane. I guess I haven't really seen the 'bad' sides of excessive drug use, I've always pushed the limits, but at the same time been safe and taken precaution with usage, until recently I was constantly high for a week and the come down was just unbearable, and now I'm suffering the consequences, which is just so confusing. My parents don't know how to deal with it, so me myself and my mind, living it up! I still love drugs, which is what worries me.

I removed myself from my environment, retreating to my parents home, ostracising myself from the big city and resigning from my full time job. I've tried to be as active as possible since 01/01/2014 cleaning around the parents home, going surfing, fishing, riding the bike around town, but It's like still not enough, I wanna do more, and my head keeps spinning, the moment I stand still I just get a rush of emotions from all sorts of directions, the inconsistencies in how I feel is just completely insane and I feel sorry for putting my family through it all. They don't deserve to cop my foul attitude most days. When will I go back to normal? Is it possible?

I feel there's no chance of relapse, apart from the occasional ciggy I've had over the past two weeks, because I've literally isolated myself from everything. I guess my question is, how can I get my old life back, it feels like I haven't done anything for the past 4 years and I now stand alone looking at myself in the mirror with no friends, confused, anxious lost in my mind, sorta depressed, but not really, just lack of motivation to get things going for myself. I'd like to go back to work, and my boss is kind enough to give me my job back and transfer me into a new warehouse close to my parents home, but employment won't commence until April and unemployment sucks ballllsss!!!!

In the mean time, my brains exploding and I'm running out of things to occupy my time healthily. Hope someone understands where I'm coming from. I have read a few threads here and there, just unsure of where to start on this site. So here I am, would appreciate anyone's advice/guidance. I'm a fish out of water trying to desperately swim, but feeling miserable in the process. It's such a drag. Sorry for whining, nice to get this off my chest to some people who may understand what I am going through. Your time is valued highly.

Cheers,

BigCal

Skye2

and well done

Skye2

Hope you sign back in BigCal. You posted at a quiet time
I think you're amazing for giving up all those things in one go and look forward to learning from you Xx

sugarbear1

We can't change 4 years in just 15 days. Give time time. You are healing. Things will seem dull for a while, get through that dull time and you'll learn to enjoy the calm. Can you get to an NA meeting or AA meeting? There are online meetings, too. Private message me if you want to know where they are.

Dee74

Hi and welcome Big Cal

I think nearly everyone struggles when they quit if they don't have things to fill the hole that drink and drugs used to.

If you are at a lose end til April what about doing some volunteering in your community? - great way to do something meaningful, meet new people, and stay occupied.

so you have any hobbies or interests you like to pursue?

I dunno about you but I got used to having my fun handed to me in a bottle...it took me a while to realise my life is what I make it.

what do you want your life to look like Cal?

D

least

to SR! I agree with possibly finding somewhere to volunteer. That's a great way to get out of your own head and give back to your community.

BigCal

Thanks for the warm welcome. I've recently graduated 5 years of film studies and have some long term plans attempting to make another film, but I need finance to get that going. In the mean time community work would be lovely, but I live in a fairly desolate area with no transport. It's been so hot recently that even going outside and working on the parents house has been the only option, and that in itself is painful haha.

My only hobby prior to my drug habit and filmmaking studies was watching films, but now I can't bear to watch anymore. I can't even remember what I liked to do for free, apart from the activities listed earlier. Am also addicted to spending money for fun, but now I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place, no money, no transport, no friends. Hate to be a debbie downer. Thanks for your suggestions, it's nice to know there caring people still in this world.

Dee74

There's always SR to log onto Cal
Hope to see you around some more

D