Newbie here
Courtney
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 2
Newbie here
Hi all,
I am new here with just 94 days behind me, and I'm finding it hard to imagine that I will be sober forever. A few of my friends are staying sober for January as part of a 'Dryathlon' and for the last few weeks the thought has crept into my head that after January, I will somehow be able to drink again.
I know I will end up drinking too much again, and wanting to drink all the time no matter what restrictions I put on myself. And I am hesitant to tell my friends and family that I have a problem in case I go back to drinking. Or in case I really want to drink and feel trapped by what I told them. If that makes sense.
I know that I drink to get drunk, and to deal with my shyness, and escape from worries. I am still shy, even more so now that I am sober, and I feel so boring and isolated. Please tell me it gets better!!!! And sorry for the long first post.
I am new here with just 94 days behind me, and I'm finding it hard to imagine that I will be sober forever. A few of my friends are staying sober for January as part of a 'Dryathlon' and for the last few weeks the thought has crept into my head that after January, I will somehow be able to drink again.
I know I will end up drinking too much again, and wanting to drink all the time no matter what restrictions I put on myself. And I am hesitant to tell my friends and family that I have a problem in case I go back to drinking. Or in case I really want to drink and feel trapped by what I told them. If that makes sense.
I know that I drink to get drunk, and to deal with my shyness, and escape from worries. I am still shy, even more so now that I am sober, and I feel so boring and isolated. Please tell me it gets better!!!! And sorry for the long first post.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,780
It definitely does get better.
Once you get the first few weeks of sobriety it will become easier and more comfortable. I was reluctant to tell anyone I'd quit drinking in case I started up again...
but now I have no desire whatsoever to drink.I hope we can help you stop drinking for good.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2013
Location: Canada
Posts: 608
Welcome, Courtney. You'll find lots of support here on SR. I find the longer I have been sober, the better it has gotten, but when you really think about it, being sober really only has to be better than being a drunk, right? And being a drunk, at least for myself, is pretty terrible.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 52
Pretty sure most all my friends and family know I have a drinking problem even though I haven't came right out and said those words to all of them as it has been embarassingly obvious on more than one occasion over the years. Their knowledge somehow has empowered me to show them I can be the friend and family member I should have been all along. Confiding in one or two people might offer you some sense of accountability and may in turn actually help you stay sober if that is what your ultimate goal is.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
Welcome to SR Courtney
Well done on 94 days that's huge! I struggled with the same questions you are asking. I decided around 2 months sober that by not telling anyone that I was leaving the door open for drinking so I told my immediate family. The result was mixed in that it immediately made me want to drink, not least because they all tried to convince me I wasn't that bad etc... But eventually with acceptance on all of our parts they have become a good support for me.
But initially the best support I got was from other people in recovery, especially here, but also in AA and SMART groups. It was really vital for me to have the example of other people who had been sober for varied lengths of time. When you speak to people who have been sober for 10 + years it somehow makes it seem more of a valid lifestyle choice.
But it is natural to have that fear too. A method that really helped me early on was one called AVRT or Rational Recovery which helps you to understand the ambivalence about quitting drinking.
I am sure you will find lots of support here anyway x
Well done on 94 days that's huge! I struggled with the same questions you are asking. I decided around 2 months sober that by not telling anyone that I was leaving the door open for drinking so I told my immediate family. The result was mixed in that it immediately made me want to drink, not least because they all tried to convince me I wasn't that bad etc... But eventually with acceptance on all of our parts they have become a good support for me.
But initially the best support I got was from other people in recovery, especially here, but also in AA and SMART groups. It was really vital for me to have the example of other people who had been sober for varied lengths of time. When you speak to people who have been sober for 10 + years it somehow makes it seem more of a valid lifestyle choice.
But it is natural to have that fear too. A method that really helped me early on was one called AVRT or Rational Recovery which helps you to understand the ambivalence about quitting drinking.
I am sure you will find lots of support here anyway x
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 9,029
Welcome and well done on 94 days. At first I found it easier to think of it not as quitting forever but one day at a time. Forever just seemed too overwhelming. One day is more manageable.
I think a lot of people leave themselves an escape route - not telling anyone of the problem so that you can go back to drinking without someone saying anything. I would guess that if your pattern is to drink to get drunk then your friends and family already knew something was amiss.
I felt boring and isolated too when I stopped. It does get better. I was thinking that if your friends are staying sober in a Dryathlon now is the perfect time to go do fun sober things with them. Practice having fun while sober. It does take practice.
Not a long post. Keep coming back.
I think a lot of people leave themselves an escape route - not telling anyone of the problem so that you can go back to drinking without someone saying anything. I would guess that if your pattern is to drink to get drunk then your friends and family already knew something was amiss.
I felt boring and isolated too when I stopped. It does get better. I was thinking that if your friends are staying sober in a Dryathlon now is the perfect time to go do fun sober things with them. Practice having fun while sober. It does take practice.
Not a long post. Keep coming back.
Guest
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 139
94 days is amazing
Do you do exercise much? The natural endorphins feel great if you do it regularly and help to relax you and feel more positive.
Also plenty of leafy green vegetables, green tea, and lots of oranges improve my mood too.
Also, sobriety is infinitely more fun than peeing every five minutes, puking, crying and overreacting to everything - just a few crappy things that happens to me when I drink.
Do you do exercise much? The natural endorphins feel great if you do it regularly and help to relax you and feel more positive.
Also plenty of leafy green vegetables, green tea, and lots of oranges improve my mood too.
Also, sobriety is infinitely more fun than peeing every five minutes, puking, crying and overreacting to everything - just a few crappy things that happens to me when I drink.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
Welcome to SR Courtney - there's a ton of support here. Read around and post as much as you like.
Join our Class of January support thread if you like?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-4-a.html
I certainly didn't imagine I could do it - stay sober for good - but I had to try because my drinking was killing me.
I the beginning I committed myself to staying sober today - then I reiterated that promise the next day...and so on.
Almost before I knew it....I was doing the sober forever thing
D
Join our Class of January support thread if you like?
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...-part-4-a.html
I certainly didn't imagine I could do it - stay sober for good - but I had to try because my drinking was killing me.
I the beginning I committed myself to staying sober today - then I reiterated that promise the next day...and so on.
Almost before I knew it....I was doing the sober forever thing
D
Last edited by Dee74; 01-15-2014 at 03:19 PM.
Mr B
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Omaha Nebraska
Posts: 60
I Courtney it does truly get better if you believe!!! Trust me not to long ago I was some what in your shoes! I had the shyness, the isolation, sadness, and having to tell my family!
It took a big problem to arise for me to admit I had a problem! But since then I've been doing several things to better myself! Going to meetings and treatment... and things are finally starting to look up and I can see the happiness slowly coming in me!
My shyness is going to way too as I'm starting to talk to people in meetings, laughing with them and making new friends... Great friends at that!
You are absolutely right by saying one day at a time!!! That's how I got where I'm now and I still continue to love that!!!
Wish you all the best!!!
We're all here if you need us to listen or talk to!!!
DBJ
It took a big problem to arise for me to admit I had a problem! But since then I've been doing several things to better myself! Going to meetings and treatment... and things are finally starting to look up and I can see the happiness slowly coming in me!
My shyness is going to way too as I'm starting to talk to people in meetings, laughing with them and making new friends... Great friends at that!
You are absolutely right by saying one day at a time!!! That's how I got where I'm now and I still continue to love that!!!
Wish you all the best!!!
We're all here if you need us to listen or talk to!!!
DBJ
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Gulf Coast, Florida USA
Posts: 5,731
I didn't read any other posts Courtney but yours but I wanted to say at least you are honest. You admit you are unwilling to tell anyone so you can leave that door open to drink. But if you really want to be done with this, it is important that you do.
It sounds like you have reservations. It may be important for you to jot down all the consequences you have faced due to your drinking as right now you are probably only remembering the good times. For me at the end there was only bad stuff.
I try not to think about the rest of my life. I only have today.
It sounds like you have reservations. It may be important for you to jot down all the consequences you have faced due to your drinking as right now you are probably only remembering the good times. For me at the end there was only bad stuff.
I try not to think about the rest of my life. I only have today.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
It's great to meet you Courtney. I know it'll help you to be here with us. A place to talk it over with those who really understand.
I was forced to quit because I was drinking all day. It had started out as a way to feel less shy & self-conscious, but over the years I became completely dependent on it. I had to let go of it or die. I was so scared to be sober and face life without a 'buffer' - but it was the best thing I could've ever done for myself. It definitely does get better and easier. I hope you'll keep talking it over with us - I'm glad you reached out for a better life.
I was forced to quit because I was drinking all day. It had started out as a way to feel less shy & self-conscious, but over the years I became completely dependent on it. I had to let go of it or die. I was so scared to be sober and face life without a 'buffer' - but it was the best thing I could've ever done for myself. It definitely does get better and easier. I hope you'll keep talking it over with us - I'm glad you reached out for a better life.
Courtney
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: UK
Posts: 2
Hello
Hi,
It's been a long time since that post but I'd like to say thank you to all those who read and responded. Since then I had a couple of relapses and then started going to meetings, and it's now two and a half years since I had a drink, thanks to the Fellowship and the programme of AA. My life in this time has changed for the better in many ways. I had forgotten all about this post so it was good to find it just now and see how things have changed.
God bless x
It's been a long time since that post but I'd like to say thank you to all those who read and responded. Since then I had a couple of relapses and then started going to meetings, and it's now two and a half years since I had a drink, thanks to the Fellowship and the programme of AA. My life in this time has changed for the better in many ways. I had forgotten all about this post so it was good to find it just now and see how things have changed.
God bless x
Late stage optimist
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: Auburn, WA
Posts: 306
Hi, Courtney:
It sounds from your post that you are not ready to change yet. When you get there, you will know. And you will feel comfortable telling your family you have a problem, and you will feel comfortable reaching out for help where you live. Take it easy.
It sounds from your post that you are not ready to change yet. When you get there, you will know. And you will feel comfortable telling your family you have a problem, and you will feel comfortable reaching out for help where you live. Take it easy.
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