ClearMind

Hey everyone,

So, I did drink on the weekend and I feel horrible about it. I don't know why I did it, I didn't even enjoy it. I have been doing very well, if I can say so myself, over the past few months. I have slipped a couple of times, but I've managed to get back on the wagon and continue along with things.

I am trying to take some positives away from these slip-ups. I feel that I have now realized a couple of my triggers, in which being in a certain situation causes me to abandon my sober thinking and get back on the bottle. This past weekend I went over to my parent's house, who are basically alcoholics. My dad is a massive alcoholic, and my mom isn't quite as bad but she's still definitely worth mentioning. They drink together almost every night, so I guess that makes them both addicted for sure.

Anyway, over my adult life, and through my teen years, the only way I was really able to be around my dad is if he was drinking. He is a happy drunk, well, he was always more willing to be nice to me when he was drinking, so I guess I have it programmed in my head that I actually like when he is drinking. Alcoholism, being the progressive thing that it is, has caused him to get worse over the years, and it's a little bit different these days because I think that anxiety and depression might be getting the best of him a little bit more.

Anyway, I went over to their place and spent the night with them and my brother and fiancé. I wasn't planning on drinking, but as the plan was established to have some drinks, I just caved in and bought some beer. I regretted it as soon as I bought it. I have on idea why I did it. The same type of thing happened when I was at my cousin's house watching the hockey games a few weeks ago, I wasn't planning on drinking before I went to his house and then eventually caved in and drank.

Other than these two instances, I have been okay. I have been able to go out to pubs and other places where people regularly drink and not drink, and I had a great time. I don't need alcohol to have a good time, and I have on idea why I drank in these two cases, so this is what is confusing me. I was thinking about it a lot, and I guess it may have to do with wanting to fit in. I am usually okay with saying that I don't want to drink, and I don't want to blame anyone else for my slip-ups, but I feel that it's harder to say "No, thanks" to my parents and my cousin because I don't want them to perceive me as being not fun anymore. I know I need to get a little bit more selfish and protect my sobriety better, because this is not an option for me - I am not able to drink. I love being sober, and I love my life when I am sober. I didn't enjoy myself when I was drinking. I almost resorted to buying non-alcoholic wine and "pretending" to drink so that in my head, they will be content that I am drinking and I will be content that I am sober - it seems like a win-win situation. I don't know. Any advice?

IOAA2

Hi. I'm glad your able to get back as so many can't. For me I wanted to drink more than I wanted to be sober because I'm and alcoholic and it's a natural thing to do until I did something about it.

BE WELL

KateL

It seems like it is harder for you around your loved ones. Life can be fun without drink. I'm sure they won't be upset if you say you're not drinking. If I didn't want to tell people why I was saying no thanks, I would just say, drink doesn't seem to agree with me anymore, makes me feel a bit ill. That wasn't even a lie really. xxxxxx

doggonecarl

If you give yourself "permission" to drink, you'll drink. You treat these situations as exceptions to your sobriety, drink, then try to find something positive in the slip.

Take drinking off the table. Tell your family you've quit. Tell them to respect your decision and accept it or you won't be coming by.

Serotonin

I don't know that I have any advice, but I do also belive my own slip ups have revealed triggers for me. One of my biggest triggers is dealing with my kids mother. Without getting into too much detail she is extremely difficult for me to deal with and has caused me a great deal of distress. I can't change her, so I need to figure out how to handle the craving I get when it comes.

KateL

The more you deal with difficult people (and there will always be difficult people in life) without a drink, the easier it becomes. It surprised me. xxxx

ClearMind

Thanks for all of your advice, it's great. I don't know that the people who seem to trigger me are "difficult", but for whatever reason they just seem to prompt an attitude in me that I have to drink to please them or something. My mother was joking with my fiancé a couple of weeks ago and she said "I don't like him when he doesn't drink, he isn't as fun!". I know she was joking, but she really wouldn't have said it if she didn't believe it was at least partially true. I have been thinking of that a lot lately. But anyway, you're right. From this point onwards, I am going to officially take drinking off the table. I realize that, without a doubt, I will never be able to live a life that contains drinking of any amount. It's just not something I'm good at, so I need to accept this no matter what.