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Admitting I am powerless

Old 01-13-2014, 07:48 AM
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Admitting I am powerless

Well, I've been really making an effort to go to AA meetings, even driving 2 hrs to get to one yesterday. I also met up with the women from my step group to go over the first step and discuss it. Yet, I am STILL clinging to my wine. I hate to admit it but I have to. I still drank my 2 glasses of wine. I know it isn't a ton of alcohol but I am so attached and drawn to it. I listened to someone at a meeting today say that he went to meetings for 6 years before he got sober. I hope that if I keep going to meetings and doing the work the claws that alcohol has on me will come out and I will be able to get it out of my life. Is this true or am I fooling myself?
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Old 01-13-2014, 07:58 AM
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I don't feel that we are powerless at all, in fact, we have all the power in the world. For myself, I wasn't able to change until I realized that I had to take control of the situation and quit drinking altogether before my life was able to get back on track. While we may not be able to "moderate" our drinking (I know I certainly can't), we do have the power to quit drinking altogether.
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Old 01-13-2014, 08:03 AM
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Thank you, ClearMind. Why do they have us admit in AA that we are powerless over alcohol? I am new so maybe I misunderstand.
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Old 01-13-2014, 08:10 AM
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I don't go to AA nor do I really know much about it, but what I do know that it wasn't really for me. What I do suspect, though, is that part of the AA philosophy is to "admit we are powerless over alcohol" because they perceive it as being a disease in which we have no control over. Without getting into a debate over this, for me, this doesn't really make sense (for myself personally, anyway), so I choose a more rational point of view (you can read about it in the Secular Connections forum here). The point is, really, that there is a different recovery path for everybody, and AA may (and certainly does) work for many people, where other paths work for other people. The overall goal is to get sober, how you get there is really secondary.
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Old 01-13-2014, 08:12 AM
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Again, thank you ClearMind. I really appreciate your point of view too. I am not a religious person and am trying to figure out the whole higher power thing. But, I completely agree that the goal is to get sober and how we get there is secondary.
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Old 01-13-2014, 08:12 AM
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That being said, though, there is something liberating and empowering about realizing that you do have the power to fix this. We can choose to quit drinking - people have been doing this for hundreds of years, it's nothing new. It's exciting, actually, to consider how much better our life is without alcohol, and then work towards making it happen.
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Old 01-13-2014, 08:25 AM
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I'm glad you are trying to work on your recovery.

For me, it came down to accepting that alcohol was no longer an option, ever. When I accepted that, things began to fall into place. My mind began to find different and healthy ways to deal with life.

I think taking action is essential. Going to meetings is a positive step. Are you making other changes in your life to help you stop drinking? For example, you say you are crave two glasses of wine, probably in the evening? If so, make a plan to be out of your house at that time, and don't keep alcohol in the house. I think that any small change you can make will have a ripple effect on your recovery.
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Old 01-13-2014, 08:25 AM
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I am sure it is but what the heck is wrong with me that I am still sticking to my wine? I've had a lot less since I started going to meetings but I am still drinking. Someone told me I am not an alcoholic because I can stop at 2 but I am obsessed with alcohol so I must be. So confusing. Sorry to ramble.
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Old 01-13-2014, 08:25 AM
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To say that someone is powerless is too extreme. I know I become powerless after the first drink but before that, I have a choice. Granted without knowledge of how alcoholism works, and having a tendency to follow my impulses too much, it has been as bad as if I had no choice sometimes. I don't like the word powerless, though, because it can be used as an excuse to drink (I can't help it. I'm an alcoholic..)
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Old 01-13-2014, 08:30 AM
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Yeah,

In my opinion there is a danger in believing we are powerless. It might give us more of a care-free attitude, which we use as a cop-out. For example, we can have the opinion that there's nothing we can do about our drug addiction to alcohol, and that may make some people not even try to recover, because they feel they're powerless so why even bother to try. Anyway, like lovesymphony said, we all have the power, at least until we take that first drink!
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Old 01-13-2014, 08:33 AM
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It's great that you can stop after two glasses. A lot of full blown alcoholics were able to stop after a few at one point, and would give anything now to go back in time when they recognized they had a problem, and quit then instead of waiting til things got worse. But we love our alcohol too much to quit til things become hellacious.....It's not too late for you, though
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Old 01-13-2014, 08:36 AM
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The thing about alcohol addiction is it doesn't get better, it gets worse. So if you feel you have a problem now, unless you do something about it, it will snowball. And that's a fact!
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Old 01-13-2014, 08:38 AM
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Sounds like you are trying to figure out AA without the guidance of someone who has worked the program successfully.

Powerlessness is one of the heavily debated topics on the forum. The first step in AA is to admit we have a problem that we cannot help ourselves with.

Some find the term debilitating and feel it robs them of the power to choose their recovery. Others could not begin to recover until the surrendered to the fact that they didn’t have the power. This is from your first post, 2bhappier:

My drinking is daily and even though it isn't a huge amount (well at least 1/2 bottle of wine a day which I think is a lot for a woman) I can't stop. I feel terrible about myself and even worse because I know I'll drink tonight, tomorrow night, Sunday night and hopefully NOT Monday night. Am I insane?

Alcoholism is insanity. You can’t stop despite your desire to. You were drinking then, you are drinking now. Is that powerlessness?

If changing your mindset to thinking you aren’t powerless, that you have the power to quit works, well, you’ll quit.

If not, if you continue to struggle, find a sponsor to help you with the steps.
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Old 01-13-2014, 08:44 AM
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Very interesting to see what I wrote in my first post. Thank you, doggonecarl. And, thanks everyone. I know I have a problem and I know it will escalate if I don't stop. And yet I still do it. Have you all been able to be sober right away when you decided you need to be? Am I being too easy on myself?
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Old 01-13-2014, 08:46 AM
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Well 2bhappier either you will quit drinking...or you won't. This sounds a lot like folks that cut down on their smoking. A little here a little there. I guess as long as your drinking isn't causing you any legal probs....then keep drinking. it really isn't all that complicated. You either quit....or you won't. When your ready to quit you will. And you won't need no program, or website to convince you.

Happy Trails
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Old 01-13-2014, 08:48 AM
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Yes of course you can get sober.

Keep going to the meetings,don't analyse it all,I was told that in my early days and it was good advice for me.

Get a sponsor and work through the programme,the meetings are only a small part of what AA is about.
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Old 01-13-2014, 08:53 AM
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Originally Posted by 2bhappier View Post
Very interesting to see what I wrote in my first post. Thank you, doggonecarl. And, thanks everyone. I know I have a problem and I know it will escalate if I don't stop. And yet I still do it. Have you all been able to be sober right away when you decided you need to be? Am I being too easy on myself?
For myself personally, I tried to quit drinking an incredible amount of times, with no luck - I could quit for a small amount of time but I'd relapse and then it would eventually get back to where it was before, and then it would get even worse. The trick is to learn where you have gone wrong in your failed attempts and try and use this to quit and stay quit. I don't like using the term "failed" because if you can learn something from it, then it is anything but a failure.

Recovery isn't easy, but it's definitely worth it. Think of it this way, if a toddler kept trying to take those first steps and kept on falling down, you wouldn't tell him to just give up trying to walk, right? We need to keep trying until we get it right. It's literally, in my case, a matter of life and death. And the death part is a slow and gruelling death, and my life will be robbed of all meaning and happiness before the process ends. I have no choice other than to not drink, and I suspect many other people on these forums are in the same boat.
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Old 01-13-2014, 08:57 AM
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The AA take in it is pretty 'extreme' but it has a point. If I am in drinking 'mode' I really don't have any power over alcohol - I tended to time it so I got drunk and fell asleep. I would find it extremely difficult just to have one glass of wine. And I know if I drink today that will be it - back on the booze. With 'extreme' alcoholics - those near the end in the early days of AA, there were individuals who really had absolutely no power of alcohol - and there are many today too of course. Those of us somewhere further back along the line on that continuum can I am sure admit that our power over alcohol is at best severely limited. Why else would we be addicted to the stuff? Why else would we be here?
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Old 01-13-2014, 08:57 AM
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I used to fight that "I am powerless over alcohol thing". In some ways it was because I have never really 'failed' at things. I've generally been good at them or persevered until I could at least do them before I'd make a choice to give up...

So part of it is ego and pride "I am NOT powerless. This isn't going to beat ME!!!"

Well - guess what? That thinking only encouraged me to continue trying and trying to prove I'm not powerless. And you know what the results were? Try after try of discovering that in the end.... I damn sure am.

As another poster pointed out - we're not totally powerless. We have the power to choose to be sober and to get well. What I found to be true for me, and what I've seen to be true for many, many others is this;

It's different for us all. For you, it might be a sudden pick up a drink and head right into the abyss. For me, it's not every time, but it is ALWAYS 'eventually'. If I choose to allow alcohol into my life, sooner or later it has me acting in ways that I didn't want to and that I regret. And that, after many attempts at proving otherwise to myself, I finally had to admit is powerlessness.

My power rests in my daily choice of sobriety. I am only in 'power' when I choose to take the sober path. When I allow alcohol to be a part of my life, the consistent results are clear. It gets the better of me and I lose my life a little bit at a time.

Maybe it's "only a couple of glasses of wine". But if you didn't 'want' to, and yet you did.... then where is your power? Who made you do that? If you chose a choice your heart really didn't desire - where is your power?

If you opened that bottle even as another voice inside you said "damn it... why am I doing this???" and you said "**** it... I'll quit tomorrow"....

Where is your power?

We can only decide for ourselves. AA cannot tell us. Our friends cannot tell us. Our alcoholic voice will do everything it can to convince us of our power....

But inside - you will know.

And if you are like me, and many others I know, then my wish for you is that you come to the conclusion while you still do have the power to choose.

At some point in our progression - alcoholics who do not choose sobriety lose their power to choose. That - from the stories I have heard from friends - is where hell truly begins.
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Old 01-13-2014, 08:58 AM
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Originally Posted by 2bhappier View Post
Very interesting to see what I wrote in my first post. Thank you, doggonecarl. And, thanks everyone. I know I have a problem and I know it will escalate if I don't stop. And yet I still do it. Have you all been able to be sober right away when you decided you need to be? Am I being too easy on myself?
.......and yet i still did it.yup, me too.
i decided to be sober many many times, and then went back to drinking just as many times except once (the last time). went back to drinking without a clear decision to do so. went back to drinking telling myself i was freely choosing and ignoring the fact i had freely chosen earlier in the day NOT to drink ever again. heck, had chosen not to drink that day again and yet went and did it anyway.

took me years to understand in my entire being that those two supposedly free choices to drink or not to drink were not the same kind of choice whatsoever.
took me a couple of years of being sober to get to seeing that yeah, i'm powerless over alcohol. seems it was something i had to "allow" myself to really know. it's a most unpleasant knowledge.
yet, with even the first inkling of it, the drinking stopped.

figuring this stuff out for yourself is a process; if you don't hide from really looking/seeing, you'll find out what's true for you.
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