Missing My Lack of Inhibition
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
Missing My Lack of Inhibition
I have been thinking about what I miss about drinking. (I am 105 days sober.) There is very little that I miss, but there is one thing. I miss the license to unleash my wild side. I miss the initial lack of inhibition drinking gave to me. I feel a little bit old, boring, too sensible, overly responsible, etc. I miss my " wild side."
Granted, I do not miss all of the negatives that come along with drinking and certainly, that lack of inhibition, also brought some very negative consequences to me at times, too. I just feel the need to put this out here, because it is my new "hurdle" to cross in sobriety.
Granted, I do not miss all of the negatives that come along with drinking and certainly, that lack of inhibition, also brought some very negative consequences to me at times, too. I just feel the need to put this out here, because it is my new "hurdle" to cross in sobriety.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2012
Location: Ireland
Posts: 25,826
It's a good point!! . . . just 1 drink used to relax my inhibitions, improving confidence in conversation, making jokes, chatting to or walking up to women etc
BUT therein lies the problem, I wouldn't just have 1 drink, I'd be waking up with a hangover having had a binge the previous night, my inhibitions would have become soo relaxed that I'd have done things to regret and feel anxious about, having made a fool of myself.
I haven't quite figured out how to grow that same confidence without alcohol, I guess though the less situations I find myself in where there are drunk people or alcohol is served, chatting to people is generally easier, compared to the sheer gravity of walking up to someone in a nightclub, when 10 drinks was needed before hand!! . . . I haven't stepped foot in a nightclub in over 2 months as it doesn't appeal anymore being sober!!
BUT therein lies the problem, I wouldn't just have 1 drink, I'd be waking up with a hangover having had a binge the previous night, my inhibitions would have become soo relaxed that I'd have done things to regret and feel anxious about, having made a fool of myself.
I haven't quite figured out how to grow that same confidence without alcohol, I guess though the less situations I find myself in where there are drunk people or alcohol is served, chatting to people is generally easier, compared to the sheer gravity of walking up to someone in a nightclub, when 10 drinks was needed before hand!! . . . I haven't stepped foot in a nightclub in over 2 months as it doesn't appeal anymore being sober!!
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Location: Colorado
Posts: 821
Originally Posted by DoubleDragons 
I have been thinking about what I miss about drinking. (I am 105 days sober.) There is very little that I miss, but there is one thing. I miss the license to unleash my wild side. I miss the initial lack of inhibition drinking gave to me. I feel a little bit old, boring, too sensible, overly responsible, etc. I miss my " wild side."
Granted, I do not miss all of the negatives that come along with drinking and certainly, that lack of inhibition, also brought some very negative consequences to me at times, too. I just feel the need to put this out here, because it is my new "hurdle" to cross in sobriety.
Granted, I do not miss all of the negatives that come along with drinking and certainly, that lack of inhibition, also brought some very negative consequences to me at times, too. I just feel the need to put this out here, because it is my new "hurdle" to cross in sobriety.
Jess
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: McKinlyville, Ca.
Posts: 214
response
Originally Posted by DoubleDragons
I have been thinking about what I miss about drinking. (I am 105 days sober.) There is very little that I miss, but there is one thing. I miss the license to unleash my wild side. I miss the initial lack of inhibition drinking gave to me. I feel a little bit old, boring, too sensible, overly responsible, etc. I miss my " wild side."
Granted, I do not miss all of the negatives that come along with drinking and certainly, that lack of inhibition, also brought some very negative consequences to me at times, too. I just feel the need to put this out here, because it is my new "hurdle" to cross in sobriety.
Granted, I do not miss all of the negatives that come along with drinking and certainly, that lack of inhibition, also brought some very negative consequences to me at times, too. I just feel the need to put this out here, because it is my new "hurdle" to cross in sobriety.
getting there
Join Date: May 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 1,314
Originally Posted by DoubleDragons
I feel a little bit old, boring, too sensible, overly responsible, etc. I miss my " wild side."
Of course, it never got me out of the consequences of the stupid things I did while drinking - that's the part I don't miss.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 341
I feel the exact way, it's probably the only thing I will miss.
I'm painfully shy, and I've actually made many friends while drinking. The next day when I'm sober, I have nothing to say to them.
I know that I will socialize a lot less sober so that kind of sucks, but the price of drinking was too high for me.
Too many negatives and too few positives. Time will help I'm sure, hang in there.
I'm painfully shy, and I've actually made many friends while drinking. The next day when I'm sober, I have nothing to say to them.
I know that I will socialize a lot less sober so that kind of sucks, but the price of drinking was too high for me.
Too many negatives and too few positives. Time will help I'm sure, hang in there.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Fantastic thread Double D. Thank you.
One of my most recent slips, this past summer, was rather planned out. I mean, I didn't really want to drink per se, but I was nowhere near solid enough in my sobriety to be attending this soirée. I love this particular annual party at a club we belong to, dancing under the stars, boating, fabulous nosh, and a whole lot of 40 ish adults looking to cut the F loose and remember their youth.
Could I have done it sober ? By all means. Would it of been just as fun ? Well, considering I have zero recollection from the majority of it, I imagine, yes it would have been.
My inhibitions checked out with every Chardonnay I slammed and I was in full on black out after about 3 of them. I am told, I was slurring my words, flopping around the dance floor like a fish out of water, flung my shoes into the lake, and tried to over take a pontoon from the captain. I chain smoked like a rat packer, and the coupe de gras was that I finally accepted the advances of a neighbor who had been relentlessly hitting on me for the better part of 5 years and made out with him.
Not my finest moment.
I had a lot of making up to do after that. To friends that had traveled across the country to be with me, to my husband, to the club. It was abysmal. Horrifying.
This wild child's days of wine and roses are O-ver. Capital O. I'll take hum drum and boring any day over my inexplicable behavior that evening.
Blech.
One of my most recent slips, this past summer, was rather planned out. I mean, I didn't really want to drink per se, but I was nowhere near solid enough in my sobriety to be attending this soirée. I love this particular annual party at a club we belong to, dancing under the stars, boating, fabulous nosh, and a whole lot of 40 ish adults looking to cut the F loose and remember their youth.
Could I have done it sober ? By all means. Would it of been just as fun ? Well, considering I have zero recollection from the majority of it, I imagine, yes it would have been.
My inhibitions checked out with every Chardonnay I slammed and I was in full on black out after about 3 of them. I am told, I was slurring my words, flopping around the dance floor like a fish out of water, flung my shoes into the lake, and tried to over take a pontoon from the captain. I chain smoked like a rat packer, and the coupe de gras was that I finally accepted the advances of a neighbor who had been relentlessly hitting on me for the better part of 5 years and made out with him.
Not my finest moment.
I had a lot of making up to do after that. To friends that had traveled across the country to be with me, to my husband, to the club. It was abysmal. Horrifying.
This wild child's days of wine and roses are O-ver. Capital O. I'll take hum drum and boring any day over my inexplicable behavior that evening.
Blech.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
Thanks for the very good reminder, AO, as to why I have to find a way to make "boring and sensible" a little more fun sans the alcohol. My husband and I did rent a hotel room last night when the kids thought we were getting Mexican food . . . . a step in the right direction, I guess?!? 
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 341
Great post alphaomega, I've done it too, planned a relapse because of a 'special' night.
And it didn't turn out so special. Huge regrets, I would have been better off just being bored through it, lol.
Very occasionally when at a party I could have a 'successful' night drinking, but only because I stuck to just beer, once I hit the hard stuff it was all over for me. So Not worth it.
I'll miss the 'fun' times but in the end, there were few.
And it didn't turn out so special. Huge regrets, I would have been better off just being bored through it, lol.
Very occasionally when at a party I could have a 'successful' night drinking, but only because I stuck to just beer, once I hit the hard stuff it was all over for me. So Not worth it.
I'll miss the 'fun' times but in the end, there were few.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Originally Posted by DoubleDragons
Thanks for the very good reminder, AO, as to why I have to find a way to make "boring and sensible" a little more fun sans the alcohol. My husband and I did rent a hotel room last night when the kids thought we were getting Mexican food . . . . a step in the right direction, I guess?!?
Nice.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: UK
Posts: 5,678
I am convinced that alcohol doesn't actually remove inhibitions. It is like kids at a party, they are all shy to begin with but an hour later they'll be running around with other kids they've just met and having fights... just like adults in a bar. It is normal to be a little shy around new people and we don't need alcohol to get us to talk to others, we just need to talk to people. Doing what scares us removes inhibitions...
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
I have learned to be uninhibited without the booze and am fairly outgoing, although I know how to behave properly now (well mostly) You can have a laugh without being rude, obnoxious or making a tit of yourself
You can have a laugh without being rude, obnoxious or making a tit of yourself Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
Originally Posted by jkb
That is the one thing I miss also. Now I am learning that I don't need a drink to "unleash" my wild side. I just need confidence. Which sobriety is giving me more and more of daily.
Jess
Jess
DD,
Congrats on the 105 days, 100 days was huge for me too!
To take it further, alcohol just gave us an excuse to not do the really hard work of maturing. One of the things I have found is that we are each responsible for our happiness. Depending on another person or a substance for our happiness keeps us from learning how to just be ourselves, and happy with that.
Drinking? Wild side?
For those mossing that what are you doing about it? If you are feeling that way, likely nothing. See, alcohol made me feel all knowing and adventurous when in reality I was disheveled and in a dark room or drinking alone at home, doing nothing but drinking. Witty? Not! Alcohol made me feel like I was doing something when nothing was happening. I would sit on my ass rather than get off it to really be wild.
You see, you are conditioned to stay away from actually doing anything that could hurt you in an accident by doing it while drinking. There are few living drunk skydivers who drank while packing their chute. Few living scuba divers who had a blackout underwater 100feet. Few private pilots that had blackout in the air.
However if being outgoing and wild is what you want, sober, you can now more safely get certified and scuba or sky dive. Learn to ride a motorcycle, drive a race car, hang glide, take flying lessons and get your license. Learn to ski and take lessons to get up to speed on the slopes, get a surfboard and learn to surf, ride a horse, drive a four wheeler, climb a mountain or rock face, hike the Freedom Trail, take a train through Europe . . .
I wrote here early in my sobriety something that surprised me when I had been sober a year. I yearned for the feeling of being wild when drinking but realized the reason I was bored was because I was doing the same things I did when drunk. Essentially nothing at all. I then realized what boredom really was, I wrote:
"Boredom is wanting to do something, anything, as long as you don’t have to actually do something to do it."
Drinking only makes us feel wild, when that isn't exciting enough we act really stupid not brilliant and daring but pathetic. We aren't actually doing anything.
What are you waiting for? The body heals true. But making ourselves happy and getting wild requires trying new things we could, or would, not do drunk!
Try any one thing on the list above. Use the large amount you used to spend on alcohol to take the training necessary don't just do it half-vast, do it well. Come back and post after the training and once you are doing your wild thing. Bet the last thing you are is bored.
Isn't it time to stop getting ready and start getting to it?
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Posts: 552
The only things I DON'T do because I'm not drinking, are things that I really shouldn't be doing anyway.
I'm supposed to try and do something that intimidates me every day (according to my therapist). It's helping me to be more bold and confident for sure. I climbed to the top of a mountain recently (not a huge one.. but huge for me). I was EXTREMELY sore for a while after, but I couldn't shake the exhilaration and boost to my self-confidence for days!
I could've NEVER done that drinking. And I met new people that were also struggling to breathe, having to take breaks, and we all helped each other to the top. It was awesome!
There are a lot of things that I do now, that I couldn't do when I was drinking. I can go run errands at night when the stores are quiet. I can drive on the highway again (my anxiety got so bad before that I couldn't do it.). I can go outside without shaking and feeling paranoid. I can look at my phone in the AM without wondering who I called/texted and what I said. LOL People can drop by my house without causing me panic that things are such a disaster. I can give the attention that my family and pets deserve. Yes, these are all "normal" things to most people and probably not very "exciting". But, I can't afford to take them for granted.
And who says it's not okay for life to be "boring" sometimes anyway? Maybe there's some serious value in learning to sit with that and be okay with it? I'm not there yet because I'm still so early on. But, I think there's something to it!
Maybe it's actually harder in some ways- with more time and space between us and our last drink -to remember what it was REALLY like... Is it a possible dent in the armor that our AV could exploit? Maybe that's the take away.
I'm not sure!
But I'm sure that I don't miss the old loud obnoxious not dealing with reality, making "friends" that aren't real, or hungover/embarrassed self that used to be me.
I'm supposed to try and do something that intimidates me every day (according to my therapist). It's helping me to be more bold and confident for sure. I climbed to the top of a mountain recently (not a huge one.. but huge for me). I was EXTREMELY sore for a while after, but I couldn't shake the exhilaration and boost to my self-confidence for days!
I could've NEVER done that drinking. And I met new people that were also struggling to breathe, having to take breaks, and we all helped each other to the top. It was awesome!
There are a lot of things that I do now, that I couldn't do when I was drinking. I can go run errands at night when the stores are quiet. I can drive on the highway again (my anxiety got so bad before that I couldn't do it.). I can go outside without shaking and feeling paranoid. I can look at my phone in the AM without wondering who I called/texted and what I said. LOL People can drop by my house without causing me panic that things are such a disaster. I can give the attention that my family and pets deserve. Yes, these are all "normal" things to most people and probably not very "exciting". But, I can't afford to take them for granted.
And who says it's not okay for life to be "boring" sometimes anyway? Maybe there's some serious value in learning to sit with that and be okay with it? I'm not there yet because I'm still so early on. But, I think there's something to it!
Maybe it's actually harder in some ways- with more time and space between us and our last drink -to remember what it was REALLY like... Is it a possible dent in the armor that our AV could exploit? Maybe that's the take away.
I'm not sure!
But I'm sure that I don't miss the old loud obnoxious not dealing with reality, making "friends" that aren't real, or hungover/embarrassed self that used to be me.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Posts: 286
I've been struggling with this as well. I know that it is inaccurate that my life was all that "exciting" before I stopped drinking but it at least felt that way because I was going out, hitting the town, acting in a celebratory way, you know? So I've been trying to figure out ways to get that feeling without drinking.
I've decided to try some new things that I'd previously been "afraid" to do, face some (little) fears. I say no to a lot of things because I have social anxiety and a lot of self-consciousness. So that's one thing I'm trying to do -- say yes. If it's something that doesn't involve drinking and it sounds appealing except for my social anxiety, I am going to try to do it. This morning I went to this training to volunteer at the local animal shelter. I was nervous to go to the training and I'm nervous for my first time to go volunteer, but it's something that centers around animals, which I love, and running, which I enjoy -- and not drinking.
Another thing I'm wanting to try but never have because I'm intimidated? Yoga. That's my next thing to try. I'll keep you posted on when I have the nerve to try one.
Jackie
I've decided to try some new things that I'd previously been "afraid" to do, face some (little) fears. I say no to a lot of things because I have social anxiety and a lot of self-consciousness. So that's one thing I'm trying to do -- say yes. If it's something that doesn't involve drinking and it sounds appealing except for my social anxiety, I am going to try to do it. This morning I went to this training to volunteer at the local animal shelter. I was nervous to go to the training and I'm nervous for my first time to go volunteer, but it's something that centers around animals, which I love, and running, which I enjoy -- and not drinking.
Another thing I'm wanting to try but never have because I'm intimidated? Yoga. That's my next thing to try. I'll keep you posted on when I have the nerve to try one.
Jackie
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2013
Posts: 2,805
I love you guys. Every time my AV tries a new angle, you all come to the rescue! I think I attached my wild side to drinking, but I can have a "wild side" without the drink. I also have an ultra-responsible side that I have to learn to embrace. It has probably kept me alive more than once!!
I think I have been so focused and serious about sobriety, that I have to lighten up a little and let myself have some more fun. (sans alcohol, of course) The recession actually hit my family particularly hard. 2009-2012 were probably the most stressful years of my life. Now that we have come through the tunnel, so to speak, I don't live every day, tense and full of adrenalin. While I am grateful for this relief, it feels strange and adding sobriety on top of it, I sometimes feel like a completely different person. Some of me, I think, is afraid of losing the "old parts" of myself that I actually really liked.
I think I have been so focused and serious about sobriety, that I have to lighten up a little and let myself have some more fun. (sans alcohol, of course) The recession actually hit my family particularly hard. 2009-2012 were probably the most stressful years of my life. Now that we have come through the tunnel, so to speak, I don't live every day, tense and full of adrenalin. While I am grateful for this relief, it feels strange and adding sobriety on top of it, I sometimes feel like a completely different person. Some of me, I think, is afraid of losing the "old parts" of myself that I actually really liked.
Re-Member
Join Date: Oct 2010
Location: Colorado Springs, Colorado
Posts: 7,583
It will level out if you stay the course Notime. I am 61 and three years sober on my first, and last, try. I stay quit because from reading here I realized that there is no such thing as a break from my sobriety, only a one-way ticket back to helplessly hoping and pitiful poor drinking alcoholic me. One of the celebs said it best when offered just one drink. He said, and I think it was attributed to Robert Downey Jr. " No thanks, I have plans next Christmas."
I quit smoking three packs a day too. In 1991 I quit two packs a day for 1.5 years. Then decided to try one and feel the high I never felt while smoking. I was back to two and a half packs within a week. The whole time saying to myself this is the last one. It took 18 years until I checked into a seven day detox in hospital that I managed to quit cigarettes again too for good.
I learned about my addictions then. It now applies to my alcoholism despite being recovered that is only as long as I choose sobriety. If I don't choose sobriety, I was never recovered was I. I swore if I could ever get off smokes again I would never be that stupid again. Alcohol nearly did me in this time but the three packs a day were killing me too. At 61 I don't have another 18 years to futz around, just like your name here. Besides, I have plans every next year too! They involve living well as I can, always the best revenge. I do much less but another lesson was learned this go round. That serenity is no fun, until I became serene enough to enjoy it!
I quit smoking three packs a day too. In 1991 I quit two packs a day for 1.5 years. Then decided to try one and feel the high I never felt while smoking. I was back to two and a half packs within a week. The whole time saying to myself this is the last one. It took 18 years until I checked into a seven day detox in hospital that I managed to quit cigarettes again too for good.
I learned about my addictions then. It now applies to my alcoholism despite being recovered that is only as long as I choose sobriety. If I don't choose sobriety, I was never recovered was I. I swore if I could ever get off smokes again I would never be that stupid again. Alcohol nearly did me in this time but the three packs a day were killing me too. At 61 I don't have another 18 years to futz around, just like your name here. Besides, I have plans every next year too! They involve living well as I can, always the best revenge. I do much less but another lesson was learned this go round. That serenity is no fun, until I became serene enough to enjoy it!
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
