Cr1msonly_R3d

i get up some clean time and then i relaspe , time and time again , 5 years at trying this recovery stuff and i cant get passed the higher power , my spiritual beliefs are that i am my own god and nothing is greater than that , well how do u find aHP in that ???? my relaspes are getting worse and worse, monday night i went over and had CPR performed for 20 odd mins , and at the same time the guys who i was with thought it would be funny to give me another hit while i was out .... turning to **** i just dont do to get drugs .

Mentium

These don't sound like relapses so much as drinking. with dryout gaps - not that I am judging of course.

That aside, not everyone needs a higher power to quit. As an atheist in AA I used the 'power' of my AA group and it seems to be working. Others who follow SOS and the AVRT and similar non-step systems make a very strong commitment not to drink 'no matter what'.

For what it is worth and this really only applies to me, I think we have to really want to stop drinking in order to do so. Quitting because we feel we should or because of fear when we can't let go of the booze is a very hard road to travel. Finding that place where you really want to stop and you are willing to go pretty much to any lengths to do so isn't always easy. Some never find it of course and many die as a result.

Good luck to you!

IOAA2

Hi and welcome. I envy you being where you are after spending a month there only after sobering up.
As stated the higher power is something, anything more powerful than myself and my ego. I always believed in Mother Nature as my creator, just look around us.

I needed to become honest with myself about my drinking and surrender to the FACT that I cannot drink in SAFETY. Associating with friends like that would be my death. There is some good amount of fact that we can get and STAY sober if we want to and follow the suggestions of those who have done it.

BE WELL

Skye2

I personally think the 'higher power' words to be a little outdated. I prefer to think of it as anyone that I can learn from about addiction and be involved in mutual support - well that's enough for me.

KateL

You have to surrender to something, in my humble opinion, especially in the early days/months or however long it takes. I took charge after a couple of years. I am not an AA person but the sense of belonging to their group was like a higher power thing for me. I do believe in God but still found all that hard. I wanted control and think some people can empower themselves again some day in the future when they 'get it' kind of thing. But you have to surrender to something first. I had to realise that I was out of control and couldn't drink again and that was that. I hope you can find some answers xxxxxx

LadyBlue0527

Hi Cr1msonly_R3d,

Welcome to the board, there's a lot of great support here but first you have to want it. You have to want to quit more than you want to drink or drug and it has to be under any circumstance. You start by saying that you keep relapsing because you can't find your higher power. No amount of support, no higher power, and no rehab will be able to help you until you first come to terms that regardless of what the reason is, you can't drink and you can't take drugs. At the end of the day even those of us who have found a higher power, whatever that may be, still understand that the end decision to use is ours. Support tools will only assist in making the right choice. It's still all up to you.

Have you considered rational recovery? If you can't seem to find a higher power there's no reason to stop trying but at the same time maybe do a little research. There's an entire section in these forums devoted (link below)

Secular Connections - SoberRecovery : Alcoholism Drug Addiction Help and Information

It sounds like you're focusing on needing to have a higher power in order to stop to the point that as long as you can't find one you will use. Addiction is very powerful in the sense that you could be closing yourself off to finding one because that then gives you the reason that you need to continue using. I know that I've played some pretty good mind games with myself to continue my addiction.

You CAN do this! Branch out and look at what's available to you. Where one program might not speak to you others may.

We're all here for you and it certainly sounds like you want this. Again, you CAN do this and we can be here for you but it's all up to you.

Anna

I hope you find something that works for you. Have you fully accepted that you can never drink again? Maybe that is a stumbling point.

Taking5

There is no need to understand or define your higher power to take the 12 steps, except to recognize that it isn't you. If you really believe you are the highest power in the universe, AA will not work for you.

There are alternatives to AA, Rational Recovery and SMART come to mind. Check out the secular forum here for more details.

Good luck.

least

A higher power is just something greater than you. I know that while I'm for sure part of the universe, I'm also not the greatest power out there.


I'm glad you joined the family. You'll find a lot of support here.

justinJustQuit

My "God" or "Higher Power" is a God that looks at my body the way he does about Earth and it's health. (good things like planting trees, and bad things like Fukushima) My continued drinking was detrimental to my health. Alcohol is my Fukushima if you will. He will give me the strength and power to do anything.

And since I'm agnostic, I can say my higher power is The Earth.