I am third update
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 609
I am third update
Well it is a new year with promise of new beginnings and good health. Separated AH and I hadnt really had too many conflicts lately so it's funny how you begin to forget the bad stuff and just romanticize the relationship.
He stopped by today to help look at my car, because he is a mechanic, and was obviously hung over. At that point I shouldve just said "thanks but no thanks". I let him in because my 11 year old stepson was with him and since our separation I have barely seen my stepson and I just miss him. I fed him and my stepson lunch and talked to my stepson a little and I could tell separated AH was "feeling good" aka still drunk.
We are 1 yr and 7 mos separated and I am just starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I had flashbacks of how things used to be in the household when we were together. Without him, my house is so peaceful, serene and calm. He was like a hurricaine today. He was talking a little too much for his sober personality which culminated finally when he rough-housed with our 5yr old girl a little too hard and she started crying. When he used to be drinking, he just didnt know when to stop playing hard with me or the kids. When she cried to me I finally told him it was time for him to go and he yelled at my stepson "lets go!" and didnt let me say goodbye to my stepson nor did he say goodbye to our daughter.
Todays episode just confirms that I am making the right choice by being and staying separated from him. I hated living like that before, always on egg shells waiting for the chaos. We are pretty mundane and routine in my house and I pride myself on the stability I have provided for my children and myself.
Alcoholism is progressive and I do witness him getting worse and it just breaks my heart. I have to continue to pray for him and all of us and keep worrying about myself and the children and thats it. I used to feel like I couldnt live without him and now I cant imagine ever living with him. When I start to forget the bad, I have to keep remembering why we are where we are...
One day at a time is right...it does get easier!
He stopped by today to help look at my car, because he is a mechanic, and was obviously hung over. At that point I shouldve just said "thanks but no thanks". I let him in because my 11 year old stepson was with him and since our separation I have barely seen my stepson and I just miss him. I fed him and my stepson lunch and talked to my stepson a little and I could tell separated AH was "feeling good" aka still drunk.
We are 1 yr and 7 mos separated and I am just starting to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I had flashbacks of how things used to be in the household when we were together. Without him, my house is so peaceful, serene and calm. He was like a hurricaine today. He was talking a little too much for his sober personality which culminated finally when he rough-housed with our 5yr old girl a little too hard and she started crying. When he used to be drinking, he just didnt know when to stop playing hard with me or the kids. When she cried to me I finally told him it was time for him to go and he yelled at my stepson "lets go!" and didnt let me say goodbye to my stepson nor did he say goodbye to our daughter.
Todays episode just confirms that I am making the right choice by being and staying separated from him. I hated living like that before, always on egg shells waiting for the chaos. We are pretty mundane and routine in my house and I pride myself on the stability I have provided for my children and myself.
Alcoholism is progressive and I do witness him getting worse and it just breaks my heart. I have to continue to pray for him and all of us and keep worrying about myself and the children and thats it. I used to feel like I couldnt live without him and now I cant imagine ever living with him. When I start to forget the bad, I have to keep remembering why we are where we are...
One day at a time is right...it does get easier!
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Posts: 609
Oh no, my AH shares 50/50 with his ex-wife so I dont have any legal recourse..I have been making peace with fact Im just losing him out of my life but I can just continue to pray for him and love him from a distance. He will always be "around" since he and my daughter are siblings but I have no regular time with him.
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Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 13,497
I have been thinking of you, iamthird. this is the best post I could have imagined you making! Except for your poor stepson. seems he should have some time with his sister, but a day at a time, I guess.
good to hear you sound so strong and happy.
good to hear you sound so strong and happy.
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