Hawk07

Hello all

I've been lurking on this forum for the past couple weeks during my attempt at sobriety. It has helped me a lot so thank you to everyone who has the courage to open up and care enough to help others get through the same or similar 'struggle' you've all been through.

I'm and alcoholic, it runs in my family, grandparents, father, aunts, uncles. I think its safe to say I inherited this unfortunate gene. It started off innocent enough with just social drinking in my early twenties, 2 or 3 times a month 3 or 4 drinks a weekend. Now ten years later I've found myself at rock bottom. It snuck up on me and hit me like a truck out of no where it seems.

A little about myself, I'm a woman in my early 30's, graduated from a 'binge drinker' on the weekends (2 or 3 bottles of wine on a Friday or Saturday night) to my recent downfall of vodka morning noon and night for the past 6 months. Alcohol is something that has always occupied my mind as a way of unwinding or relaxing.. After a stressful day at work or dealing with any stressful/emotional situation. I started to realize I had a problem a couple years ago when the first thing I'd do after work on most days was pick up a bottle of wine and open it first thing when I got home.. Forget about all the other hobbies I used to have and forget about that extra 20 lbs I gradually put on over the months. It got to the point where I'd alternate the places i'd buy the wine, driving clear across town because I was paranoid the cashiers would recognize me from the night before or before that

I was in a complete stupor this past December from all the daily vodka consumption and finally reached out for help. I told everyone closest to me that I had a serious problem. My family, friends, boyfriend even my boss I think they all already suspected.. I saw my doctor and confessed everything, how much, what, how often, withdrawal symptoms I was already experiencing that propelled this horrible merry go round of all day vodka...
Detoxed at home with family and a prescription for librium..

Anyway almost 2 weeks later I'm still struggling big time with the cravings. Need as much support as I can get from people who understand this hell.

CaliButterfly

Well Hawk, you have come to the right place! We all understand your hell, probably have shared it with you at some point or another. My addiction of choice was also vodka, and oh what a friend she was… Don't be alarmed about the cravings, that is normal and they will slowly fade away. Hang on to your sobriety and it will get better! No more fogginess, no more shakes, no more lost memories, no more obsession over buying another bottle and where, and on and on. It's scary at first, and you're not alone. Keep reading, keep posting, there are amazing people here that keep you motivated and help you stay strong. Welcome!!

letustrythis123

Welcome.

browngirl

Good for you, you've joined. I'm very new as well. It's helpful to read about other people with the same problem.

doggonecarl

Welcome to SR. Stay close to the forums and don't give into the cravings. It's just your addiction trying to make you cave.

Are you doing anything else for your recovery? Seeking out face-to-face support?

Sparkydog

Looks like your doing everything the right way, give it time and the cravings will pass, realize you have alot of good things to look forward to.

Hawk07

Thank you,

Today is my first day back at my place after two weeks of staying with family.. I feel like I'm looking at a place (my life) ruined by some world war (alcohol) and there are still some flames burning. I don't know what will survive or what else will perish. I've ruined so many relationships, existing and potential. I've realized I have no friends because I substituted alcohol as my one and only. It turned me into a crazy flake. I finally built up the courage to go through my text messages over the last few months and could feel myself turning beet red out of embarrassment. I even missed christmas with my family because of the 'flu" All the ridiculous excuses I made up just to stay home and nurse a hangover. What hurts the most is thinking about the essential part of life I missed out on, connecting with other people and most importantly, myself. I have no idea who I am now. The only warmth I gained from alcohol was the initial tingle down my throat and into my stomach. After that it was like being gagged and thrown into a cold dark dungeon. The withdrawals btw were awful. I never want to be back in that particular hell. Anxiety, panic attacks, shaking hands, insomnia and when I finally fell asleep I'd wake up in a pool of sweat and then repeat.


I don't know if I still have my job..I've worked there for ten years but I will find out on Monday. My boyfriend has been staying with a friend, we've lived together for 2 years. I've tried to put myself in his shoes and I've realized I was emotionally abusive to him. He could never predict what he was coming home to, me or some monster trying to kick him out of the house the min he walked in or nit pick him because of a dirty dish or spot on the kitchen counter. I was always focusing on the negative when I was drinking.

Marymacsmith

Wcome, you are at the right place. I am also new, (day 3 !!!!!) I have found so much support, and important information. If not one day at a time, take it an hour at time.

Hawk07

Doggonecarl

One on one therapy with an addiction specialist once a week. This forum for when I'm home by myself which I suspect will be quite often in the next few months. And someone from AA who came into my life recently.. I now have the book at least. I looked up where the meetings are in my town and one is within walking distance from where I live

Hawk07

Hi Mary

Welcome to you too and congrats on taking the first step. I know this is takes a herculean effort from my experience.

ArcticSA

Things can only get better from here. All those people you sent embarrassing messages to are going to see you changing and will forgive you. Delete them and eventually you'll forget them.
You've wasted years, but you are still young. Look forward now and smile. You've done the right thing, the hell is over!

hayley86

Welcome Hawk07, you will find lots of support and understanding here. Glad you have joined us.

Dee74

Welcome to SR Hawk

D

Angellis

Hawk, also just joined, your postings could have been written by me, it is a relief to have found people who are in the same position and understand. Society seems to revolve around alcohol, I'm looking forward to one day finding hobbies, activities and friends who don't think drinking is the only reason to catch up Keep strong.

justinJustQuit

There are anti craving medications that doctors can give you. I'm on two of them. Might be worth asking. I'll be doing my last detox starting tomorrow on Ativan. It's a benzodiazepine as well just like librium.

Doesn't it feel nice to be sober? I can't wait to start my detox tomorrow.

Hevyn

It's so good to meet you Hawk. I'm very glad you joined and are doing everything you can to reclaim your life. Our stories are similar, but I waited many more years before taking action. I was so afraid of letting go of it - not sure why, since I was absolutely miserable in the end.

Happy to have you here. It's a new day - and you never have to go back there again.

Kris47

Welcome to a wonderful group, Hawk.

And welcome to a better place.

I'm new too and trying to regain my life.

Kris47

Stomper

From one newbie to another "Welcome Hawk07!" It's good to know that you are not alone and that this forum will provide you with lots of support from people who know what you are going through. You can do it, one day at a time.

Leana

Welcome Hawk

least

Welcome to a very friendly supportive site. The cravings will go away with more sober time. While you're in early recovery treat yourself well; good food, rest, and exercise. Better things are yet to come.