Hi everyone. day one. could use some pushing
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: na
Posts: 151
Hi everyone. day one. could use some pushing
I've drank lightly for 6 years. The last two, it's been pretty heavy. It's been 8 altogether. I've gone days without drinking, but I mostly start again. I am pretty young, never drank in my teen years or twenties.
My main issue aside from the emotional troubles it has caused is what I've done to my body. No visible signs yet. No jaundice, no itchiness, no swelling. I would like to go to the doctor and get things tested out after a month or two of sobriety. When I have gone three or four days before, I didn't withdraw. I have benzos here but I don't want to take them if not needed. Days in drinking varied. I am taking things one day at a time. I don't want to stop because the numbness does me well each time. But I know the time has come. I hope it is not too late.
My main issue aside from the emotional troubles it has caused is what I've done to my body. No visible signs yet. No jaundice, no itchiness, no swelling. I would like to go to the doctor and get things tested out after a month or two of sobriety. When I have gone three or four days before, I didn't withdraw. I have benzos here but I don't want to take them if not needed. Days in drinking varied. I am taking things one day at a time. I don't want to stop because the numbness does me well each time. But I know the time has come. I hope it is not too late.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Mid-Atlantic
Posts: 552
Hi letustrythis123. Welcome to SR.
I used alcohol to "self-medicate" like nobody's business! I can really relate. The best thing for me this time around has been actively seeking out, learning, and practicing new coping skills. I've done this through one-on-one therapy and IOP. It's been really vital in my case, as I never really learned any other way. If you think that's something you'd benefit from, I say go for it!
Stay strong and keep posting!
I used alcohol to "self-medicate" like nobody's business! I can really relate. The best thing for me this time around has been actively seeking out, learning, and practicing new coping skills. I've done this through one-on-one therapy and IOP. It's been really vital in my case, as I never really learned any other way. If you think that's something you'd benefit from, I say go for it!
Stay strong and keep posting!
Member
Join Date: Aug 2013
Location: Scandinavia
Posts: 1,344
Welcome to SR.
It is not to late and you will not regret it.
I was surprised how much my health and well being has improved, the deterioration happens so slowly when we drink we do not notice all of it.
Hang in there and it will become better
It is not to late and you will not regret it.
I was surprised how much my health and well being has improved, the deterioration happens so slowly when we drink we do not notice all of it.
Hang in there and it will become better
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
Welcome Letustrythis,
Give it a go. Mine started with just a thought that I should quit. Didn't really have a clue how I was going to do it at first but knew I should. The only thing I knew was I couldn't stay in that stage too long. Eventually I needed to make a decision one way or another and the faster I got to it the faster it could get better. Plus I knew support would be pretty darn helpful. TG4SR.
We all start somewhere. Read around. Look for the inspiration to keep it going in the right direction.
Great job! Don't give up. You can do it!
Give it a go. Mine started with just a thought that I should quit. Didn't really have a clue how I was going to do it at first but knew I should. The only thing I knew was I couldn't stay in that stage too long. Eventually I needed to make a decision one way or another and the faster I got to it the faster it could get better. Plus I knew support would be pretty darn helpful. TG4SR.
We all start somewhere. Read around. Look for the inspiration to keep it going in the right direction.
Great job! Don't give up. You can do it!
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
If you see your doctor right away instead of waiting till you're "all better," he/she may be able to help you with medical issues that might only get worse and more difficult to treat were you to wait. You'll also have the benefit of seeing how your body heals over time if you currently have medical issues, which can add to your motivation to get sober.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 55
Hi Letustrythis123!
Good for you for starting the recovery process. It's a hard decision to make, but what a great one! I'm here if you need to talk or if you need someone to vent to when things get rough. This site has really helped me. It's my 'go to' when I start to feel restless.
Xoxoxo
Good for you for starting the recovery process. It's a hard decision to make, but what a great one! I'm here if you need to talk or if you need someone to vent to when things get rough. This site has really helped me. It's my 'go to' when I start to feel restless.
Xoxoxo
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: na
Posts: 151
I was just at the doctors a few weeks ago. I was planning to quit then. But when everything checked out ok, even the physical exam of the liver, I decided to just keep going. I'm half afraid to hear that everything is fine and I'll keep going and I half afraid of hearing something is wrong. My goal is to try and go after a month unless something really striking comes up.
thanks forme. I will take you up on that. Could definitely use some friends. Many of my friends have a similar lifestyle. I asked one to quit with me and he said no.
thanks forme. I will take you up on that. Could definitely use some friends. Many of my friends have a similar lifestyle. I asked one to quit with me and he said no.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,531
I agree it's never too late Letustry. I was in my 50's when I finally admitted my life was out of control & I was headed for danger. Being here will help - we're a friendly & encouraging group. You can do it.
I was in my 50's when I finally admitted my life was out of control & I was headed for danger. Being here will help - we're a friendly & encouraging group. You can do it.
to the family. Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: na
Posts: 151
It's been almost 24 hours. I haven't felt any side effects but that doesn't mean they aren't around the corner. That is what really gets me anxious-to not know what tomorrow will bring. I've quit cold turkey before after similar or higher levels of usage and then went back. I didn't go into any type of withdrawal but that doesn't mean I am safe.
I have not had much of an appetite since Thanksgiving and I still don't. There are days when I'll suddenly feel voraciously hungry like a normal person and days I want to eat like a bird. I guess this was the alcohol. Today I ate just fine, but what is wrong with my appetite in general?
The one thing I am feeling is self-hatred. All the time wasted, all of the blurs, months that felt like a big blur and probably the number one thing is all the hidden liquor bottles. I started buying half pints because I told myself if I only bought a tiny amount it would be gone when it was gone. Somethings I would indulge in a pint. No matter what, that would be gone the same night so I've tried to be disciplined-what a joke-and buy only half pints. Clearing them out of what seemed like every crevice of my room was horrible. The hiding space were jokes. Anyone looking could have found them. Bottles and bottles and bottles. When did things get this bad?
Reading here today has been great. I've lurked for a while. The health problems thread was eye-opening and the one about the changes you feel immediately was enough to keep me going. I have that puffy alcohol face. I don't have the redness yet or the spiders but I'm sure it was just around the corner. And I have that fat that just won't budge even with working out. I hope this is like dieting. Once you begin to see results it just makes you want to push on. As of this time, it's my rational brain telling me to stop. Emotionally, I just want my numbness. I've lied to myself for the last six months that this will be my last. Tomorrow I will go to AA to make sure I complete day 2 and 3 and so on.
I have not had much of an appetite since Thanksgiving and I still don't. There are days when I'll suddenly feel voraciously hungry like a normal person and days I want to eat like a bird. I guess this was the alcohol. Today I ate just fine, but what is wrong with my appetite in general?
The one thing I am feeling is self-hatred. All the time wasted, all of the blurs, months that felt like a big blur and probably the number one thing is all the hidden liquor bottles. I started buying half pints because I told myself if I only bought a tiny amount it would be gone when it was gone. Somethings I would indulge in a pint. No matter what, that would be gone the same night so I've tried to be disciplined-what a joke-and buy only half pints. Clearing them out of what seemed like every crevice of my room was horrible. The hiding space were jokes. Anyone looking could have found them. Bottles and bottles and bottles. When did things get this bad?
Reading here today has been great. I've lurked for a while. The health problems thread was eye-opening and the one about the changes you feel immediately was enough to keep me going. I have that puffy alcohol face. I don't have the redness yet or the spiders but I'm sure it was just around the corner. And I have that fat that just won't budge even with working out. I hope this is like dieting. Once you begin to see results it just makes you want to push on. As of this time, it's my rational brain telling me to stop. Emotionally, I just want my numbness. I've lied to myself for the last six months that this will be my last. Tomorrow I will go to AA to make sure I complete day 2 and 3 and so on.
Alcohol Free Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 482
Dont worry about the past. Whats done is done.
Focus on each day and how you are going to make it enjoyable for you without alcohol. Make a plan, do something like watch a film at the cinema, watch the sunset, climb a very large hill. Do something that breaks your day up, the withdrawals do pass and soon you will be wondering what to do.
You need to make a plan of positive changes to your life that will give you the best possible chance of stay sober.
For instance, if you drive home from work and stop at a supermarket at the way home, it is not inconceivable that one day, you will just walk and buy some alcohol. By changing your route home, you are removing that temptation. Its a over used example, but I hope you get what I mean.
Welcome to SR anyhow and it would be good to see more of you, keep reading and posting. It helps.
Focus on each day and how you are going to make it enjoyable for you without alcohol. Make a plan, do something like watch a film at the cinema, watch the sunset, climb a very large hill. Do something that breaks your day up, the withdrawals do pass and soon you will be wondering what to do.
You need to make a plan of positive changes to your life that will give you the best possible chance of stay sober.
For instance, if you drive home from work and stop at a supermarket at the way home, it is not inconceivable that one day, you will just walk and buy some alcohol. By changing your route home, you are removing that temptation. Its a over used example, but I hope you get what I mean.
Welcome to SR anyhow and it would be good to see more of you, keep reading and posting. It helps.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Posts: 1,997
I understand the self hatred. That was the biggest reason I quit. I couldn't take it anymore. I didn't have any physical problems..yet. But that self loathing and letting myself down was getting mighty old. It's no way to live.
Good job being open to doing what takes you where you want to be. That's what I did. I told myself job one is to not drink no matter what. So I did no matter what. I didn't care what it was that got me past the point of realizing I physically could live without alcohol. That was about 2 weeks for me. I hadn't gone 2 weeks in 15 years. So 2 weeks told me I physically could do it.
Now for the fun part...why I wanted to keep doing it. That took additional work. I had to focus on the positive until it just became how I live. Honestly, I started hating the alcohol and stopped hating myself. If I was going to loath, it wasn't going to be towards me. Put the blame where it rightfully belongs.
Underneath we are not worthless or useless or not enough. That's alcohol. Not us.
Keep moving in the direction that can change your life forever! You are worth it!
Good job being open to doing what takes you where you want to be. That's what I did. I told myself job one is to not drink no matter what. So I did no matter what. I didn't care what it was that got me past the point of realizing I physically could live without alcohol. That was about 2 weeks for me. I hadn't gone 2 weeks in 15 years. So 2 weeks told me I physically could do it.
Now for the fun part...why I wanted to keep doing it. That took additional work. I had to focus on the positive until it just became how I live. Honestly, I started hating the alcohol and stopped hating myself. If I was going to loath, it wasn't going to be towards me. Put the blame where it rightfully belongs.
Underneath we are not worthless or useless or not enough. That's alcohol. Not us.
Keep moving in the direction that can change your life forever! You are worth it!
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
I understand the self hatred to and it was also one of the reasons I quit. But I had to get that feeling out of my mind as I went and build some self esteem. I think it's improtant to try and forgive yourself too, xxx
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: Michigan
Posts: 832
Finding bottles is something many of us have experienced. And sometimes months will go by, you find yourself opening a drawer, and you are shocked and disgusted at what you see. A bottle you hid that due to the state of mind you were in, you forgot. Been there too many times to mention. Figured if I switched from booze to beer I could "gain control". No such thing. End up just drinking more to get where I wanted to be. Gained weight due to all those calories. Waking up every day, saying "I have got to stop". Then after work would kick in, or it would be my day off, and I'd start right back at it.
But, I do agree with the comment above that dwelling on the past will not help us take steps towards recovery. Regrets do nothing to improve the situation.
Hate is a strong word - especially when used against yourself. Don't follow that path.
It's very frustrating, but remembering we are not alone, has to bring some comfort. What we are experiencing has been experienced by others. And they are here to tell us about it, help us through it, and guide us on our journey.
Be well. This is my day one in quite some time...and yes, it's extremely difficult.
But, I do agree with the comment above that dwelling on the past will not help us take steps towards recovery. Regrets do nothing to improve the situation.
Hate is a strong word - especially when used against yourself. Don't follow that path.
It's very frustrating, but remembering we are not alone, has to bring some comfort. What we are experiencing has been experienced by others. And they are here to tell us about it, help us through it, and guide us on our journey.
Be well. This is my day one in quite some time...and yes, it's extremely difficult.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
