Kissimee54

I am an exile from my immediate family. This is due in part because of me. I don't want them involved in my life or my drama. I do this because I am ashamed and remorseful. I think some of this has to do with the fact that I was raised a staunch Catholic. To my family addiction is a moral failing on my part. I've tried to educate them that addiction is a family disease. They don't want to have anything to do with having to take a look at their own behavior. I have hence separated myself from them and they have made no attempt to try to support me. When I was in treatment I invited all of them to join me in family week. No takers. I haven't seem them in over 3 years. They think they're being supportive but they haven't a clue. So I'm not sure how to approach this except to just give it time.

KateL

Yes, give it time, meanwhile just look after yourself. x

MIRecovery

You may wish to remind them there are a ton of alcoholic Priests in and out of recovery. I have the privilage of knowing one. Have them explain where Priests morally fail

Thepatman

Exile is fine because this is about you not them. If you concentrate on doing the work required to remain sober they will see the changes in you eventually. You cannot know or understand what they are feeling or have been trough.

But you know what you have been trough and the misery and pain you faced. Let go of the guilt and shame, it will serve you no purpose. Time to think highly of you, and the only way to do that is to feel proud of your recovery, every day of your new life.

Chin up, and move forward!

FreeOwl

yep.. time. and a focus on yourself. Just keep your eye on your own sobriety and - as grievous as it can be to be estranged from your own family - know that you're doing what you can and in the long run you are doing the BEST possible thing you can for both them and you. If there is a potential for mending what's been broken and coming back together, perhaps even closer than ever before, the chances are best if you are sober and well.

I have a friend who struggles with alcoholism and has been formally exiled; from her family and her religion, in an actual formal expulsion proceeding. It's horribly difficult for her and as she struggles with her addiction she has also tried numerous times and ways to reconnect with her family. My observation has been that it seems to drain her and suck energy from her in a relentless and - thus far fruitless pursuit. I wonder if all that energy was channeled solely into her sobriety and she were to insulate herself from continual rejection and re-living the pain and grief of her disconnection from her family - how much healthier, happier and sober she might be....

Hang in there...

KateL

Good post FreeOwl. It confuses me how some people of faith can't find forgiveness in their hearts

neferkamichael

Kissimee54, you are FANTASTIC. I am overcoming my hatred for all things Catholic and it is proving to be a difficult challenge to undo previous training, however, I am making progress. Rootin for ya.

zerothehero

Kissimee54: I can relate, but sometimes I think I self-exile.

Roman Catholic Irish family here. Mom was an alcoholic. Aunts, uncles, cousins... almost all a mess. Those who aren't a mess seem to steer clear.

During my short periods of sobriety I have found most of my family members downright annoying. In fact, even when I'm drunk I'm often appalled by the consumption and behavior of certain kinfolk, especially given the obvious health issues they're dealing with (everything from diabetes to arthritis to lupus). I'm a pretty well-behaved drunk (don't get abusive or weepy or start rehashing crap from childhood ad nauseum).

It's hard being away from family. I am again in the position to have to make new friends, and sometimes my friends kind of have to be my family. Not the same, but connecting is important.

I'll be your bro.