Notices

So worried

Old 01-10-2014, 04:58 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Kristen0408's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Pittsburgh, pa
Posts: 17
So worried

My husband is an alcoholic. He has been to rehab twice with moments of sobriety which go back to binge drinking - including black outs. Today I haven't been able to get a hold of him all day - he works out of town. When he drinks, it is not always unusual for him to ignore my calls and texts - but I'm so concerned right now. I can't contact his work because he's under a program now where if they catch him drinking he will immediately be fired. I am so unsure of what to do. I am so sick of this bull - it's a constant run on the hamster wheel. How do I get off? Do I want to? Should I beg, plead him to stop drinking once and for all. I cry way too much - I know my kids know what's going on again - I want to protect them. I'm so confused - so worries. What do I do. This has been going on for years.
Kristen0408 is offline  
Old 01-10-2014, 05:14 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Kaleidoscope eyes
 
KateL's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
There is a friends and family of alcoholics section here which is really helpful. Sorry for your predicament. I hope he is ok. Look after yourself and your kids foremost. I used to hide when I was on a bender, I do hope he isn't, but do check out the friends and family bit x
KateL is offline  
Old 01-10-2014, 05:26 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,040
Hi Kristen

I'm sorry for your situation but I'm glad you've found us - support is every important.

Unfortunately for most alcoholics, like me, we'll only quit when we accept there's a problem.

Have you tried something like AlAnon for yourself?

D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 01-10-2014, 05:41 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Anna's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,325
Hi Kristen, I hope you find some peace in your life.
Anna is offline  
Old 01-10-2014, 05:47 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
bona fido dog-lover
 
least's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,668
Is it possible to take the kids and go elsewhere for a while? It doesn't sound like a good atmosphere for them, or for you. I also hope you can find some peace in your life and your children's lives.
least is offline  
Old 01-10-2014, 05:59 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Member
 
Leana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: PA
Posts: 695
Kristen- First of all welcome.

If begging and pleading your loved one to stop drinking actually worked; there wouldn't be any alcoholics.

If being threatened, coerced, or guilted into stopping actually worked, every alcoholic would be able to put the bottle down.

Unfortunately, none of those work. You can't love an alcoholic into sobriety. All you can do is take care of yourself and your children.

Only 3 things stop alcoholics from drinking; their own desire to stop, jail, or death. You have no power over him. Only power over how you react to his drinking.
Leana is offline  
Old 01-10-2014, 06:24 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
Thread Starter
 
Kristen0408's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Pittsburgh, pa
Posts: 17
I know that I know all this deep in my heart. I just wish I could get up the courage to follow through with my threats over time. I know he needs help and that he needs to find the strength from within to beat this disease. The first two trips to rehab were mandated by his work. He told me a couple weeks ago he didn't even need to go at all. He says drinking is his outlet, etc. He also blames others for his unhappiness - I can't count the number if times I have been told that it's my fault. He has has DUI, been in fights resulting in injuries and almost lost his job on two occasions - what does it take? I know I am codependent and just as sick as he is. Thanks for your responses - feels good to not be alone 🌹
Kristen0408 is offline  
Old 01-10-2014, 06:35 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Midwest
Posts: 553
Hi- Welcome and I feel for you and the pain you are going through. When I was deep in my addiction unfortunately the only thing I thought of was how I was going to get more alcohol and myself and how I was feeling.

I do agree that Al-Anon may be a good option. They have a 12 step program as well and I've heard it is a great place to vent and be around others to explore how to better take care of yourself. I wish it was that easy to say that one can control an alcoholic and get them to stop but this isn't always the case and will just cause you more frustration in your life to keep trying and beating your head against a brick wall.

My thoughts are with you.
Inca is offline  
Old 01-10-2014, 06:39 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Member
 
Leana's Avatar
 
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: PA
Posts: 695
Originally Posted by Kristen0408 View Post
I know that I know all this deep in my heart. I just wish I could get up the courage to follow through with my threats over time. I know he needs help and that he needs to find the strength from within to beat this disease. The first two trips to rehab were mandated by his work. He told me a couple weeks ago he didn't even need to go at all. He says drinking is his outlet, etc. He also blames others for his unhappiness - I can't count the number if times I have been told that it's my fault. He has has DUI, been in fights resulting in injuries and almost lost his job on two occasions - what does it take? I know I am codependent and just as sick as he is. Thanks for your responses - feels good to not be alone 🌹
Have you read any threads about "detaching"? See if you can find some posts about it on the "family and friends" forum. At first detaching felt like I was giving up but as time went on it is what saved me.

If nothing else, stop threatening without following through. I have found that it is better to say nothing than to do that. Alcoholics are so damn manipulative and grab onto anything they can to keep drinking. Blame and guilt are part of their game. So is knowing when to tune out a loved one, who they know, never follows through on what they say. All they hear is "blah, blah, blah" while thinking "drink, drink, drink".
Leana is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 03:55 AM.