JustAGirl1971

AH is moving out in early Feb. We will be divorcing but not necessarily filing at that point (just starting to work on the settlement agreement.) So, my question is: What are the practical things you do when they leave & you're preparing for divorce? I have the following:

• Change the locks (Yes/No - does it make them angrier?)
• Open separate bank accounts and close our joint accounts
• Agree on a visitation schedule (no visitation for DS15, working on one for DD14)
• Agree on what property goes with him?
• Change the garage code
• Change beneficiaries for life insurance/benefit plans/etc (except where prohibited by law until divorce is final - like retirement plans)
• Agree on which pets will stay with us, which will go with AH
• Agree on who pays what
• Agree on child support in the interim
• Change passwords for all electronic accounts like utilities (but not for jointly owned property? Or do it for everything I'm responsible for?)

Anything I've forgotten? Or, does the attorney give me a list once I've retained him? I'm just trying to keep the legal fees down. At this point, everything is still amicable.

Thanks.

Sungrl

Do a happy dance and count your blessings!

hopeful4

I just want to mention...who cares if changing the locks makes them angrier. It would be the very first thing I do. People can change quite quickly for the worst in a divorce situation and you do not want that person in your home.

Agree with the happy dance....good for you!

JustAGirl1971

Yes, hopeful, that's how I'm leaning. DS does not feel safe around his father. New locks and a new garage code should help him feel more secure when he comes home. It's just hard because AH & I are getting along really well right now. As far as it depends on me, I'd like to have an amicable divorce and I fear that changing locks WILL **** him off.

lillamy

These, I would do right away:

• Change the locks (Yes/No - does it make them angrier?)
• Open separate bank accounts and close our joint accounts
• Change the garage code
• Change beneficiaries for life insurance/benefit plans/etc (except where prohibited by law until divorce is final - like retirement plans)
• Change passwords for all electronic accounts like utilities (but not for jointly owned property? Or do it for everything I'm responsible for?)

Absolutely change locks & garage door code. Talk to a locksmith ahead of time so you can have them changed immediately after your AH leaves. If you can't change the garage door code, unplug the garage door opener and just plug it in to open and shut. Huge, huge thing that I would prioritize -- that and bank accounts and other online accounts.

These, I would ask an attorney to help with -- I would want to have a formal separation agreement in place to be sure I didn't shoot myself in the foot for the future.

• Agree on which pets will stay with us, which will go with AH
• Agree on who pays what
• Agree on child support in the interim
• Agree on what property goes with him?
• Agree on a visitation schedule (no visitation for DS15, working on one for DD14)

Hawkeye13

I think lillamy is right on here with order of importance.

If your son feels unsafe, that's reason enough.
Why would your AH need to be coming in after he moves out?
That would be violating your personal space.

hopeful4

How will he even know if the locks are changed? I would not offer the info to him, just do it. If DS feels scared maybe even a security system? We really cannot afford one right now, so on amazon I ordered an ADT yard sign and 5 stickers for my windows all as a kit. Cost $27 w/shipping. I ordered it so my DD would feel ok about being at home for an hour or so after school. We have neighbors who watch her get off the bus and get in the house but this helps too. I figure it is a great deterrent. May make your XAH question if he should mess around or not if he does not know it is not a real alarm (or if it is).

My attorney advised me to clean out half of all of my accounts before I file or whatever else is rightfully mine. He advised me to do this and open my accounts in my name only before I even speak w/my husband about separating. Once that money is gone you normally don't get it back, so make sure you get what is rightfully yours.

One other thing I would mention is what to tell the school. I would make sure school gets a paper copy they have to sign they received showing when your child is allowed to go with whom. That's a big one I would put at the top of my list.

Hugs.