New here..
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 1
New here..
Hello, all. I'm writing this while curled up on the couch, where I've been all day (when I should have been at work) after a night of heavy drinking last night. I found this site through a google search of the phrase "guilt after drinking". I have known for a very long time that I have a drinking problem, and I really would like to quit.
Both of my parents, as well as each set of grandparents, were alcoholics. I guess the odds were never really on my side but I've always been in denial that my drinking problem isn't as bad as theirs, therefore I'm not an alcoholic. I'm realizing this is not the truth now and I want to make a change. My biggest fear is the lack of support from those around me. I live in New York City. I'm in my late 20s with no children and drinking is such a huge part of my social life. Happy hours weekly with coworkers, grabbing dinner and drinks, brunch with drinks, concerts with drinks, etc.
I'm not a drink-every-night person, but when I start, I can't stop. Every time I go out, I tell myself that I'll have 2 drinks and that's it. I tell my husband I'll be home at 8. Then before I know it, it's midnight and I just drank a bottle of wine. This happens every single time. I don't like the person I become when I'm drunk. I blur the lines between friendly and flirty. I say and do things I'd never do sober. I become rude and aggressive easily, starting altercations and fights with anyone who looks at me sideways. I get irresponsible and misplace things or put myself in situations that could be somewhat dangerous (like falling asleep on the subway late at night and missing my stop). I wake up the next day not remembering parts of the night, and sometimes have scrapes and bruises and have no idea how I got them. I act inappropriate with coworkers. The list could go on, but you get the idea. When it's written out, it makes me realize just how bad it is!
My husband is a very similar drunk, as he goes from 0 to 100 and has no limit when he starts. He has anger issues and we get into serious fights while drinking. We both suffer from anxiety and alcohol is definitely a crutch when we are in group settings. We are realizing our plan to "cut back" is not working. We want to quit for our health and the sake of our relationship, but we're scared. I don't know what I'll do without drinking and I'm scared to lose friends or miss out on fun. But something has got to give here.
This community has already gave me so much confidence. Looking forward to taking this step.
Both of my parents, as well as each set of grandparents, were alcoholics. I guess the odds were never really on my side but I've always been in denial that my drinking problem isn't as bad as theirs, therefore I'm not an alcoholic. I'm realizing this is not the truth now and I want to make a change. My biggest fear is the lack of support from those around me. I live in New York City. I'm in my late 20s with no children and drinking is such a huge part of my social life. Happy hours weekly with coworkers, grabbing dinner and drinks, brunch with drinks, concerts with drinks, etc.
I'm not a drink-every-night person, but when I start, I can't stop. Every time I go out, I tell myself that I'll have 2 drinks and that's it. I tell my husband I'll be home at 8. Then before I know it, it's midnight and I just drank a bottle of wine. This happens every single time. I don't like the person I become when I'm drunk. I blur the lines between friendly and flirty. I say and do things I'd never do sober. I become rude and aggressive easily, starting altercations and fights with anyone who looks at me sideways. I get irresponsible and misplace things or put myself in situations that could be somewhat dangerous (like falling asleep on the subway late at night and missing my stop). I wake up the next day not remembering parts of the night, and sometimes have scrapes and bruises and have no idea how I got them. I act inappropriate with coworkers. The list could go on, but you get the idea. When it's written out, it makes me realize just how bad it is!
My husband is a very similar drunk, as he goes from 0 to 100 and has no limit when he starts. He has anger issues and we get into serious fights while drinking. We both suffer from anxiety and alcohol is definitely a crutch when we are in group settings. We are realizing our plan to "cut back" is not working. We want to quit for our health and the sake of our relationship, but we're scared. I don't know what I'll do without drinking and I'm scared to lose friends or miss out on fun. But something has got to give here.
This community has already gave me so much confidence. Looking forward to taking this step.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,506
Welcome jam! You found a great place for support.
I was the same way - once alcohol was in my system there was no telling what might happen. It was dangerous & unpredictable. It took me much longer to admit that though - so be glad you're reaching out for help & taking action in your 20's. You can turn this whole thing around - you won't crash & burn the way many of us have. We are glad you're here! You can do it.
I was the same way - once alcohol was in my system there was no telling what might happen. It was dangerous & unpredictable. It took me much longer to admit that though - so be glad you're reaching out for help & taking action in your 20's. You can turn this whole thing around - you won't crash & burn the way many of us have. We are glad you're here! You can do it.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2010
Posts: 10,912
Hi jam613,
I relate to some of what you've written even though my pattern of drinking has been more stay at home alone... But I did start like you, going out often not having control, when I was young.
You have realized this quite early: please keep up the awareness and make changes if you feel you would benefit from them!
Welcome to SR, this place is fascinating
I relate to some of what you've written even though my pattern of drinking has been more stay at home alone... But I did start like you, going out often not having control, when I was young.
You have realized this quite early: please keep up the awareness and make changes if you feel you would benefit from them!
Welcome to SR, this place is fascinating
Hillbilly Girl
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: In my Garden
Posts: 3,953
Hi Jam - So glad you are here. I absolutely relate to being a "different" person when I drink & not having any control over how much I drink once I've taken that first drink. We do not have to live like that I have 12 days today & have found this to be a GREAT source of support...knowing that I am not alone in this.
"Take it easy" on yourself - don't beat yourself up & just take this one day at a time. You can do this!!
I have 12 days today & have found this to be a GREAT source of support...knowing that I am not alone in this."Take it easy" on yourself - don't beat yourself up & just take this one day at a time. You can do this!!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 39
Welcome jam613,
I can relate to much of your guilt. I've missed many days of work because of my drinking, often to drink off the previous day's hangover...I've been drinking nearly daily for 5 years, and before that always drank far more than I intended in social settings. My last drink was more than 48 hours ago and it's tough...a moment to moment battle right now. But I am grateful that I found this site 2 days ago and will come back every time I need to remind myself why we are all here. Grateful to know so many others share my struggle, because for the first time, I don't feel ashamed and alone. Hopefully you will find the same solace...
I can relate to much of your guilt. I've missed many days of work because of my drinking, often to drink off the previous day's hangover...I've been drinking nearly daily for 5 years, and before that always drank far more than I intended in social settings. My last drink was more than 48 hours ago and it's tough...a moment to moment battle right now. But I am grateful that I found this site 2 days ago and will come back every time I need to remind myself why we are all here. Grateful to know so many others share my struggle, because for the first time, I don't feel ashamed and alone. Hopefully you will find the same solace...
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 79
Wow, I am so happy you're thinking about quitting. You won't believe how much different life is! Scary at first but I am seeing glimpses of what my life can be without alcohol and I really want it forever. I am a better husband, parent and employee sober. You are already telling yourself the positive aspects of quitting and you will be surprised how little everyone else will care about your drinking. And I mean in a good way... If anyone won't be your friend or hang with you because you don't drink then you know they were never your friend anyway.
My counselor told me that you can always go back to drinking so what's the big deal? It actually took a lot of pressure off and made it easier to quit.
Best of luck!!!
My counselor told me that you can always go back to drinking so what's the big deal? It actually took a lot of pressure off and made it easier to quit.
Best of luck!!!
30yrdrunk
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 89
Jam,
I have a very similar pattern of drinking and family history as well. I hope you find peace. One thing that has helped me come to realize I have a problem was to write down my entire drinking history. When I took a hard look at my drinking I came to realize I never had a positive experience with alcohol. There is no in between for me. I have to focus so hard on pacing myself which is no fun or I get totally drunk and am hungover and have the guilts for a few days. Ultimately, after 30 years of trial and error I am here determined to stop.
Best Wishes,
TC
I have a very similar pattern of drinking and family history as well. I hope you find peace. One thing that has helped me come to realize I have a problem was to write down my entire drinking history. When I took a hard look at my drinking I came to realize I never had a positive experience with alcohol. There is no in between for me. I have to focus so hard on pacing myself which is no fun or I get totally drunk and am hungover and have the guilts for a few days. Ultimately, after 30 years of trial and error I am here determined to stop.
Best Wishes,
TC
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: Johnstown,Pa
Posts: 8
i was guilty to and eventually all my guilt was related to the activities i did when i was drinking. im from nyc as well but i now live in PA. I nvr drank every day either but when i did same thing happened, I couldnt stop. For me it was accepted in my work environment which was a white collar technology firm. we worked hard and played hard. one thing that i got out of being sober is the guilt has all but disappeared. i had to work on my part now my worst guilt is saying yes when i mean no once in a while once the alcohol was gone it was brought to my attention that i am allowed to love myself, treat myself well, respected, my opinion counts, and their are no big deals. keep coming back life for me is better without Alcohol and other substances, it is truly amazing how much i now care for myself.
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