losing it all
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Apr 2004
Location: northern minnesota
Posts: 269
losing it all
anyone ever felt their program slipping away? i can feel mine leaving. hit a 5th step truth that is taking me back down a path that i never thought i would be able to survive the first time. i am so very sad. i tried so hard to be nice, and helpful and kind. i just dont want to deal with the truth any more. its easier to just give up. life is too hard sometimes. i cant see the good in anything any more. just the hurt, the pain, the loss. everything seems pointless because the past isnt ever going to be good.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2003
Posts: 4,955
(((quietsins)))
Nobody ever said working the program was easy. It's full of a lot of truths that can be overwhelming. Ergo the birth of the phrase "one step at a time".
The past is what it is. We only have control over what we do about today.
I'm sorry you're feeling so defeated right now.
This too shall pass.
Big hugs,
Gabe
Nobody ever said working the program was easy. It's full of a lot of truths that can be overwhelming. Ergo the birth of the phrase "one step at a time".
The past is what it is. We only have control over what we do about today.
I'm sorry you're feeling so defeated right now.
This too shall pass.
Big hugs,
Gabe
Dancing To My Own Beat
Join Date: Oct 2003
Location: I don't know what kind of state I'm in
Posts: 1,326
I had to detach from my past, and look at it as if someone else lived it. It's easy for me to see what others need to do, without getting emotionally involved. I also had to keep telling myself that I am not a horrible person, and that today is all I have. We can learn from the past, but we can't change it. All we have is a chance to be happy today, and try to learn from our mistakes. That's all a 5th step is. Identifying our self destructive behaviors. It's not a punishment, and it won't make us perfect or erase anything. All it is is taking stock of where we are in life, so we can decide where we want to go from here, and what is the best way to get there.
If you are having that much pain, backing off is really ok. There's no time limit on the program. There were many times in my 5th step I just put that sucker down and took a break. There is no failing the program. Everybody takes the time they need. Don't beat yourself up. If you are in the middle of the steps, you aren't going backwards. It's ok to take a break. Hugs, Magic
If you are having that much pain, backing off is really ok. There's no time limit on the program. There were many times in my 5th step I just put that sucker down and took a break. There is no failing the program. Everybody takes the time they need. Don't beat yourself up. If you are in the middle of the steps, you aren't going backwards. It's ok to take a break. Hugs, Magic
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Nawth Carolina
Posts: 32
Gabe is very wise. I have been reading her posts all over this forum. I don't suppose that we ever escape from twinges of regret over issues from the past. No matter where we are in the program. When I was suffering from a similar episode recently I was able to think differently by going outside and looking around. It had just rained and studying a drop of water on a leaf seemed to give me some healing. The simple beauty of it smote my heart. It helped to ground me and I was able to reflect further upon the woes that have afflicted me from a different perspective. The world is not pointless and all the troubles of this earth cannot destroy the inner strength that we all have if only we stop and utilize it. Easy to say perhaps but if we allow ourselves to sit in a quagmire we will eventually be swallowed up. If I can find some good in a drop of water you may find an even simpler way to get some harmony injected into your day.
Last edited by keithcancook; 06-17-2004 at 01:32 PM. Reason: gender malfunction
Member
Join Date: Jun 2004
Location: Reaching for the Rainbow
Posts: 45
quiet,
I've been struggling with thoughts like those for eight years! Sometimes it gets hard. Very, very hard.
With what I'm presently going through, wondering how to leave, how to set things in motion; personal thoughts of my own alcoholism keep coming to mind - not to drink exactly - I can't do that. Won't!
But the things I did, and the people I hurt along the way during my sickness. I made that inventory, and it was devastating! Some people gladly accepted a reason behind irrational behaviors, some laughed and still hated the disease, but understanding kept friendships alive.
Others, regreting time lost, will never forgive, some forgive and can't forget, and some will forever hold anger in their heart for you, not matter what you do to change their opinion... some things will always be, hurtful to remember, by others and to you, and to those cherished few, ones you want so desprately to make amends with; for those people to understand you, as you are today... but they won't/can't, refuse to see... to them you'll always be that drunk. Yes, that can hurt.
It's time like these, that you have to remember that who you are now, came from those painful memories. It was long hard road to sobriety, yet count your rewards for being there, and not in that hole. It was hard to get where you are today. Be thankful.
Just think of the Story of the Shoes... ( I forget who this is by-
)
"I once thought I had it bad, because I had no shoes...
until I met the man, that had no feet."
"Past events we can't condone, are best just left alone.
It's forward we must go, and we must get there on our own."
I've been struggling with thoughts like those for eight years! Sometimes it gets hard. Very, very hard.
With what I'm presently going through, wondering how to leave, how to set things in motion; personal thoughts of my own alcoholism keep coming to mind - not to drink exactly - I can't do that. Won't!
But the things I did, and the people I hurt along the way during my sickness. I made that inventory, and it was devastating! Some people gladly accepted a reason behind irrational behaviors, some laughed and still hated the disease, but understanding kept friendships alive.
Others, regreting time lost, will never forgive, some forgive and can't forget, and some will forever hold anger in their heart for you, not matter what you do to change their opinion... some things will always be, hurtful to remember, by others and to you, and to those cherished few, ones you want so desprately to make amends with; for those people to understand you, as you are today... but they won't/can't, refuse to see... to them you'll always be that drunk. Yes, that can hurt.
It's time like these, that you have to remember that who you are now, came from those painful memories. It was long hard road to sobriety, yet count your rewards for being there, and not in that hole. It was hard to get where you are today. Be thankful.
Just think of the Story of the Shoes... ( I forget who this is by-
)"I once thought I had it bad, because I had no shoes...
until I met the man, that had no feet."
"Past events we can't condone, are best just left alone.
It's forward we must go, and we must get there on our own."
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