Still here
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Still here
Hi SR, I have been in a turmoil the past week or so, my head is breaking. Oh the life of an addict, or shall I say, living with 2 ADs.
The police were just here, another nightmare. The girls wanted to kill me. The older one tried jumping out of the car while driving down the highway. Then she put my truck in park gear while driving. She went crazy on me.
It started last night, she went out, never told me, and never came home. She left her sisters car outside all night and couldn't start it this morning. So she missed her Methadone dose. She got home somehow and demanded I take her to the dentist and PT appts. Demanded. So I did (stupid of me) then she wouldn't get out of the car once there. So I drove us back home, that's when she opened the door and threatened to jump out, then put the truck in park while it was moving. She was screaming how she hates me and is gonna kill me when we get home. So I called 911. This will be the 9th time they have been here.
They talked to me and my girl. She accused me of back handing her in the jaw. Sure, she has a broken jaw, like I would do that anyway.
I can't live like this anymore. Why does this keep happening to me? Why can't we just get along? Why does the heroin mess up her thinking so much? I called my husband, he said he's done, he's never coming home. So here I am again, alone trying to parent 2 addicts, and not doing a very good job of it. My life feels ruined. I'm sorry this is so depressing, it is what it is. I'm afraid of my own children. I'm afraid to be in my own home.
Don't scold me, just read this and pray that other children won't get involved with drugs. It ruins families and tears apart the one person who still loved them. I'm an enabler. I'm also a failure. TF
The police were just here, another nightmare. The girls wanted to kill me. The older one tried jumping out of the car while driving down the highway. Then she put my truck in park gear while driving. She went crazy on me.
It started last night, she went out, never told me, and never came home. She left her sisters car outside all night and couldn't start it this morning. So she missed her Methadone dose. She got home somehow and demanded I take her to the dentist and PT appts. Demanded. So I did (stupid of me) then she wouldn't get out of the car once there. So I drove us back home, that's when she opened the door and threatened to jump out, then put the truck in park while it was moving. She was screaming how she hates me and is gonna kill me when we get home. So I called 911. This will be the 9th time they have been here.
They talked to me and my girl. She accused me of back handing her in the jaw. Sure, she has a broken jaw, like I would do that anyway.
I can't live like this anymore. Why does this keep happening to me? Why can't we just get along? Why does the heroin mess up her thinking so much? I called my husband, he said he's done, he's never coming home. So here I am again, alone trying to parent 2 addicts, and not doing a very good job of it. My life feels ruined. I'm sorry this is so depressing, it is what it is. I'm afraid of my own children. I'm afraid to be in my own home.
Don't scold me, just read this and pray that other children won't get involved with drugs. It ruins families and tears apart the one person who still loved them. I'm an enabler. I'm also a failure. TF
Nature Girl
Join Date: Mar 2002
Location: By The Lake
Posts: 60,328
I am sorry it continues, twofish.
I found that nothing changed until I changed and that happened when I walked into my first meeting.
Please find help for yourself, you are not a failure, you are a codependent, just like me. There is hope for all if us, we just have to reach out.
Hugs
I found that nothing changed until I changed and that happened when I walked into my first meeting.
Please find help for yourself, you are not a failure, you are a codependent, just like me. There is hope for all if us, we just have to reach out.
Hugs
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
It feels like it's too late to walk into a meeting and cry about my girls. They look at me like I'm crazy. And Ann, please don't shut my thread down. I'm not going anywhere nor do I want to hurt myself. I may hate my life but I don't want to die over it.
Just walk with me, I'm feeling so alone right now. SR has never abandoned me, I just beg for the support and strength to get thru this, again. TF
Just walk with me, I'm feeling so alone right now. SR has never abandoned me, I just beg for the support and strength to get thru this, again. TF
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
you GOTTA stop letting these little monsters walk all over you. get them OUT of your house. they are mean, cruel, violent and dangerous. give YOURSELF some peace...send them on their way and they can go live THEIR lives however THEY wish. otherwise, calling the cops is like crying wolf....if nothing changes, nothing changes and you end up getting more of the same.
BE the change you want twofish. get thine dear rump to a meeting. it's never too late. it's always just the right time.
BE the change you want twofish. get thine dear rump to a meeting. it's never too late. it's always just the right time.
Member
Join Date: May 2010
Location: USA
Posts: 13,560
Twofish...I am so glad to hear from you. I have been so worried about you! I am so sorry. It sounds like your daughter has lost her mind, in an actual mental way. I am so sorry. I agree, you have to get them out. If you don't take care of yourself you cannot help take care of anyone else. They have to hit rock bottom and you keep saving them from that.
I also agree...IT IS NEVER TOO LATE FOR A MEETING! I have had people walk into my group at Celebrate Recovery in all different stages. It does not matter....we are always glad they are there and I think they are too. I go for codependency and it has helped me in an amazing way. Please get yourself some support and also get yourself some therapy...please!!!
Keep updating TF. We care and will keep walking this long road with you. Tight Hugs.
I also agree...IT IS NEVER TOO LATE FOR A MEETING! I have had people walk into my group at Celebrate Recovery in all different stages. It does not matter....we are always glad they are there and I think they are too. I go for codependency and it has helped me in an amazing way. Please get yourself some support and also get yourself some therapy...please!!!
Keep updating TF. We care and will keep walking this long road with you. Tight Hugs.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
Twofish I am so very sorry you have had so much heart ache and pain to deal with. Honey the craziness won't stop till you get strong. You love your girls but understand they are not in their right minds. The drugs have taken over. In order to help them you need to help yourself. Why would we scold you? We all care about you! I've been a codie all my life until recently. It is because of this forum and the caring support that I have been better with it and learning to let go.
I know how you feel like you are abandoning them but I promise you aren't. Take that first step and get to a meeting. I went and my first time found an 80+ yr old there. Trust me TF you are not alone! It's never too late. The only one who can change this situation is you. Your daughters will never seek help if you continue to enable. Please take care of yourself. Things sound like they have completely spiraled out of control. You need peace for you and your son. Hugs.
I know how you feel like you are abandoning them but I promise you aren't. Take that first step and get to a meeting. I went and my first time found an 80+ yr old there. Trust me TF you are not alone! It's never too late. The only one who can change this situation is you. Your daughters will never seek help if you continue to enable. Please take care of yourself. Things sound like they have completely spiraled out of control. You need peace for you and your son. Hugs.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2010
Location: NJ
Posts: 20,458
TF, everyone keeps trying to help you, but you do not seem to want to trust any of the suggestions....This ladies and gentlemen HAVE been in your shoes, walked many miles the same way....they found some peace and control over thier lives. They found strength to do what you do not want to do.
No one is scolding you, it is just frustrating to hear that you are allowing yourself to be abused and now the threats of physical harm...Your poor son is being affected, yet you can't take the step, even after 9 calls to the police. (yes, it is like crying wolf).
I hope you find the backbone to push the little witches out the door and get a RO so they throw her in a nice safe warm jail cell. Then she can be on the receiving end.
No one is scolding you, it is just frustrating to hear that you are allowing yourself to be abused and now the threats of physical harm...Your poor son is being affected, yet you can't take the step, even after 9 calls to the police. (yes, it is like crying wolf).
I hope you find the backbone to push the little witches out the door and get a RO so they throw her in a nice safe warm jail cell. Then she can be on the receiving end.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Bridgeport, WV
Posts: 108
Twofish! I am soo happy to hear from you! I've been logging on here daily hoping to see a post from you! I am so sorry that you are going through this! I can't imagine dealing with TWO addicts for as long as you have! You have already been incredibly strong, you're dealing with this on your own without your husband. You know something is going to have to change and it's up to you to do it. I know that you can, that first step is the hardest but I really think once you take it and see some positive results you will continue to gain strength and move forward.
I can only speak from my own personal experiences with my husband and I can tell you what helped me the most. I knew that I didn't want things to continue the way that they had been going so I decided to respond differently. My empty threats were meaningless. It wasn't until the law got involved that things began to change. Don't accept this behavior, you don't deserve it! I would stop everything. Stop taking them to appointments, stop waking them up, stop catering to their demands and lastly get them out of your house. They can't get better while they are home. I know that's a harsh statement and it isn't an insult to you. They are addicts and they need out of that environment because they will manipulate you. My husband admitted that in a counseling session a few weeks ago and that was a huge step in my mind! Addicts manipulate and I really believe that mothers of addicts suffer the most.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Please keep us updated and feel free to message me ANYTIME!
-H4H
I can only speak from my own personal experiences with my husband and I can tell you what helped me the most. I knew that I didn't want things to continue the way that they had been going so I decided to respond differently. My empty threats were meaningless. It wasn't until the law got involved that things began to change. Don't accept this behavior, you don't deserve it! I would stop everything. Stop taking them to appointments, stop waking them up, stop catering to their demands and lastly get them out of your house. They can't get better while they are home. I know that's a harsh statement and it isn't an insult to you. They are addicts and they need out of that environment because they will manipulate you. My husband admitted that in a counseling session a few weeks ago and that was a huge step in my mind! Addicts manipulate and I really believe that mothers of addicts suffer the most.
I'm so sorry for what you are going through. Please keep us updated and feel free to message me ANYTIME!
-H4H
Member
Join Date: Oct 2011
Location: My Happy Place
Posts: 700
Meetings are great 2fish. That being said you need to do one of two things.Get those seriously disturbed daughters out of your home , or you get the hell out of there. Reading your story breaks my heart and infuriates me as well. Going to a meeting will help u understand why you continue to let them abuse you, but it is beyond that now. Their behavior as you describe it is psychotic. I just don't even have the words. Cut them out of your life until they are well. Your husband has the right idea. I don't mean his not supporting you. At lease he seems to see the ridiculousness of the situation. Please take your son and get off the crazy train! Please think of your son!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: WI
Posts: 1,426
Dear Friends, I just got off the phone with the Narconon people here in Appleton. Luck is on my side for a change, there's a meeting today at 7pm. My son gets out of Drivers Ed at 6pm so I can make this most precious meeting.
I also made an emergency addiction therapy appt. for Friday(the earliest I can get in) to talk and help me and face to face support me. He specializes in parents of addicts. This will be a very much needed appt.
Thank you friends for waiting for me. I have been basically in shock for the past 2 weeks. I've been lurking and following, just too embarrassed to post.
With all this support, I hope I can get the strength to remove my ADs from my home. I need the tools and experience to do it.
Please stay with me SR. I need a friend. I need to know what and how to do this. Thank you again. TF
I also made an emergency addiction therapy appt. for Friday(the earliest I can get in) to talk and help me and face to face support me. He specializes in parents of addicts. This will be a very much needed appt.
Thank you friends for waiting for me. I have been basically in shock for the past 2 weeks. I've been lurking and following, just too embarrassed to post.
With all this support, I hope I can get the strength to remove my ADs from my home. I need the tools and experience to do it.
Please stay with me SR. I need a friend. I need to know what and how to do this. Thank you again. TF
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: Dallas TX
Posts: 2,282
You are NOT a failure,and we would never scold you,
and yes -------we will walk with you (always).
But we always walk the same path....can we walk someplace new?
....like to a meeting (like Anvil says)?
You matter,2F.Your LIFE matters. And we are going to continue saying that as
long as necessary for YOU to see it. It's time to DISALLOW others from taking
your God-given peace of mind from you.
Nyet, No, nein, the empty set, zero, negative, non,
NO..............................(add a 'w') to get ..........................NOW.
and yes -------we will walk with you (always).
But we always walk the same path....can we walk someplace new?
....like to a meeting (like Anvil says)?
You matter,2F.Your LIFE matters. And we are going to continue saying that as
long as necessary for YOU to see it. It's time to DISALLOW others from taking
your God-given peace of mind from you.
Nyet, No, nein, the empty set, zero, negative, non,
NO..............................(add a 'w') to get ..........................NOW.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Location: Bridgeport, WV
Posts: 108
Woo-hoo! That is great news! Talking will really help. I'm so glad that much is working out for you. I know exactly how you feel about being embarrassed to post, but don't be. We have all had experiences with our addicts that are difficult to share and although they may not be exactly the same I think we can all relate in some way. I hope you enjoy your meeting, let us know how it goes.
-H4H
-H4H
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Los Angeles, CA
Posts: 1,443
So glad to read that you are moving towards a meeting and getting help. I think I posted before that I had to remove my daughter from our condo in Costa Rica when she became verbally and physically abusive. It was hard...but I was scared. Put her right on the dirt road in Costa Rica...she figured out how to get back to LA. You can do this...all the best...
Member
Join Date: Feb 2012
Posts: 4,966
Oh twofish! I'm so happy to see you here! That is wonderful news.....about the narconon meeting....and the addiction therapist! I know it's tough to set those boundaries.....And quite possibly remove your addict daughters from your home. It's sooo hard to to "let go and let God".
Just posted on another thread about the fear of the unknown.....as well as the fear of losing control......those fears can be so crippling.....I think its those fears that keeps a lot of us stuck....keeps us from moving forward.
I think one poster mentioned moving in steps......that's what they say about recovery....."baby steps" and "taking it one day at a time"......that's all you need to do.
One foot in front of the other and move forward......like going to that meeting......seeing the addiction therapist.....see those are positive steps forward.....and we are here to walk with you each step of the way!
Just posted on another thread about the fear of the unknown.....as well as the fear of losing control......those fears can be so crippling.....I think its those fears that keeps a lot of us stuck....keeps us from moving forward.
I think one poster mentioned moving in steps......that's what they say about recovery....."baby steps" and "taking it one day at a time"......that's all you need to do.
One foot in front of the other and move forward......like going to that meeting......seeing the addiction therapist.....see those are positive steps forward.....and we are here to walk with you each step of the way!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2013
Location: Somewhere out there
Posts: 2,249
Oh TF I am so happy you are going to a meeting and have a therapy appointment. Between the two you will get a lot of help and support. Do not ever feel embarrassed. We are all here for the same reason and none of us knew how to handle our situations either! It is why we are here! Please let us know how you are doing and how everything goes. Hugs.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,417
I am so glad to hear from you twofish.
I've been thinking about you everyday and sending you prayers.
It's wonderful that you are going to a meeting and have a therapy appointment.
Those are positive steps forward and will indeed help you get the tools you need.
BIG BIG BIG hugs to you. You are really an amazing person.
I've been thinking about you everyday and sending you prayers.
It's wonderful that you are going to a meeting and have a therapy appointment.
Those are positive steps forward and will indeed help you get the tools you need.
BIG BIG BIG hugs to you. You are really an amazing person.
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Posts: 32
TwoFish.
I say prayers for all the families of addicts everyday. Sometimes we suffer as much pain as they do.....Unfortunately mostly due to their actions but also our reactions. I have had to distance my sielf from my AS and my enabling parents. If they are going to continue to allow her to control them, steal from them etc then I don't want to hear about it. We have supported them and tried to show them the way to get themselves help but they always allow her back. I know they "think" they are helping her by keeping her off the streets but they are only teaching her it's ok to continue your addiction, take from them and take advantage of them. Until they stand up to her (my mom finally pressed charges and she was arrested today) she will keep running over them. Be careful because those who love you and support you will eventually of you "crying wolf" to get them out and when things get really bad and you really need people some people might not be as receptive. Unfortunately the other children (ie Your son) are suffering to. I know my heart breaks fro my sister and my parents but I can't get sucked into the craziness anymore.
COngrats to you for getting in a meeting. Take care of yourself and figure what you need to do that's best for you. Your kids girls are going to continue this with or without your help. It will be a lot harder without your help and it will easier for you. A win win situation.
I say prayers for all the families of addicts everyday. Sometimes we suffer as much pain as they do.....Unfortunately mostly due to their actions but also our reactions. I have had to distance my sielf from my AS and my enabling parents. If they are going to continue to allow her to control them, steal from them etc then I don't want to hear about it. We have supported them and tried to show them the way to get themselves help but they always allow her back. I know they "think" they are helping her by keeping her off the streets but they are only teaching her it's ok to continue your addiction, take from them and take advantage of them. Until they stand up to her (my mom finally pressed charges and she was arrested today) she will keep running over them. Be careful because those who love you and support you will eventually of you "crying wolf" to get them out and when things get really bad and you really need people some people might not be as receptive. Unfortunately the other children (ie Your son) are suffering to. I know my heart breaks fro my sister and my parents but I can't get sucked into the craziness anymore.
COngrats to you for getting in a meeting. Take care of yourself and figure what you need to do that's best for you. Your kids girls are going to continue this with or without your help. It will be a lot harder without your help and it will easier for you. A win win situation.
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