Confession
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Confession
Let me put down the Red Bull so I can type…
I used to be the girl at dinner who thought "who needs dessert, just bring me another glass of wine!". Now I read the dessert menu like I am cramming for finals.
Since I don't keep a lot of crap in the house, and get the 9pm major sugar craving these are some of the shameful concoctions I have eaten…could this be a reality tv show, me sitting alone on the couch with laptop on SR spooning lemon curd into my mouth out of a jar?
There seems to be some sort of consistency too, eating of a jar or a box has become de rigueur…
Ate entire box of brownie mix out of box with a spoon over the course of a week
Ate entire can of chocolate frosting out of can, my husband said, "I think you might have cut your lip", um, no, just frosting ring, lovely.
Put raspberry jelly on frozen waffle…..and ate it frozen.
Ate entire frozen pre made frozen graham cracker crust…actually this was divine and I would do it again.
Found a box of mini candy canes boxed up with Christmas stuff….they didn't stand a chance and I hate candy canes.
Ate entire chocolate torte that came as a gift with steaks for Christmas. Told him about steaks but put torte in the laundry room fridge. Left the spoon in the box for convenient snacking at all hours.
Tried to make fudge with brown sugar and butter one night…..decided to put concoction on english muffin, actually not bad.
While wrapping presents in attic found easter baskets from the past few years with that pink grass still in them. On a hunch, rifled through grass and was rewarded with a few slightly stale jelly beans.
Bought 2 rolls of sugar cookie dough to make cookies for daughter's class…used one to make cookies with her on a snow day. When she asked me where the second roll went I told her a slight fib, that I had left it out and it had gone bad.
By the way, I don't bake and I am a terrible cook so the fact that I am deluding myself by buying baking goods under the auspices of being some sort of domestic goddess is completely bogus. Because I was a figure skater until a few years ago I have always been pretty healthy…I am in awe of this behavior. It is like something inside me snapped and said "release the sugar hounds!!!!".
I realized last night that my daughter is on to me "MOM, please tell me you didn't eat my…………" has become an echoing refrain in the kitchen.
I read about everyone here who is being so healthy and I know I need to get with the program…I vacuumed up the dust from a decimated ginger bread house sent to my daughter this am….My husband calls me "Nibbles Woodaway" after this huge termite which is by the side of I95 in Providence, (it's an ad for a pest control co and they dressed it up every season). Maybe I should change my screen name…….
I used to be the girl at dinner who thought "who needs dessert, just bring me another glass of wine!". Now I read the dessert menu like I am cramming for finals.
Since I don't keep a lot of crap in the house, and get the 9pm major sugar craving these are some of the shameful concoctions I have eaten…could this be a reality tv show, me sitting alone on the couch with laptop on SR spooning lemon curd into my mouth out of a jar?
There seems to be some sort of consistency too, eating of a jar or a box has become de rigueur…
Ate entire box of brownie mix out of box with a spoon over the course of a week
Ate entire can of chocolate frosting out of can, my husband said, "I think you might have cut your lip", um, no, just frosting ring, lovely.
Put raspberry jelly on frozen waffle…..and ate it frozen.
Ate entire frozen pre made frozen graham cracker crust…actually this was divine and I would do it again.
Found a box of mini candy canes boxed up with Christmas stuff….they didn't stand a chance and I hate candy canes.
Ate entire chocolate torte that came as a gift with steaks for Christmas. Told him about steaks but put torte in the laundry room fridge. Left the spoon in the box for convenient snacking at all hours.
Tried to make fudge with brown sugar and butter one night…..decided to put concoction on english muffin, actually not bad.
While wrapping presents in attic found easter baskets from the past few years with that pink grass still in them. On a hunch, rifled through grass and was rewarded with a few slightly stale jelly beans.
Bought 2 rolls of sugar cookie dough to make cookies for daughter's class…used one to make cookies with her on a snow day. When she asked me where the second roll went I told her a slight fib, that I had left it out and it had gone bad.
By the way, I don't bake and I am a terrible cook so the fact that I am deluding myself by buying baking goods under the auspices of being some sort of domestic goddess is completely bogus. Because I was a figure skater until a few years ago I have always been pretty healthy…I am in awe of this behavior. It is like something inside me snapped and said "release the sugar hounds!!!!".
I realized last night that my daughter is on to me "MOM, please tell me you didn't eat my…………" has become an echoing refrain in the kitchen.
I read about everyone here who is being so healthy and I know I need to get with the program…I vacuumed up the dust from a decimated ginger bread house sent to my daughter this am….My husband calls me "Nibbles Woodaway" after this huge termite which is by the side of I95 in Providence, (it's an ad for a pest control co and they dressed it up every season). Maybe I should change my screen name…….
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Join Date: Jan 2014
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That is funny...
There are quiet a few of these that I have seen my wife do. I watched her eating cookie dough early in our marriage and inquired if that was OK. Crazy me thinking you needed to cook that stuff.
She drinks rarely, but she found her drug of choice in the cookie jar... LOL
There are quiet a few of these that I have seen my wife do. I watched her eating cookie dough early in our marriage and inquired if that was OK. Crazy me thinking you needed to cook that stuff.
She drinks rarely, but she found her drug of choice in the cookie jar... LOL
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Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Melbourne Beach, FL
Posts: 253
I echo DD's sentiments, thanks for the post. I laughed out loud several times and my boss is going to come into my office wondering why I'm having such a good time working. Ahem... Sounds like you have become a serious sugar addict! lol Hey, at least you can drive after a binge.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Cryphing.
Tears, Rolling. Down. My, Legs.
There is a comedy writer in there, I swear to Buddah.
Lord have mercy, I finally put on makeup this morning and my 80's eyeliner is smeared all over my face.
You...
XO AO
Tears, Rolling. Down. My, Legs.
There is a comedy writer in there, I swear to Buddah.
Lord have mercy, I finally put on makeup this morning and my 80's eyeliner is smeared all over my face.
You...
XO AO
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,133
Originally Posted by jaynie04 
Put raspberry jelly on frozen waffle…..and ate it frozen.
Better eating sweets than drinking booze.
Wish I had some words of wisdom but I have a pretty bad sweet/snacking tooth myself.
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Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Jaynie,
You are doing what the rest of us have done. This is so funny. We replace the sugar that once was our drink of choice. I am not too picky in my sugar consumption. Salt water taffy has become a craving. It is rather hard to find inland....Or maybe i am not looking hard enough for it. Must call around to see who sells it! Keep on keeping on.
( I just discovered jelly in my hair from my late night binge of peanut butter and jelly sandwich)
You are doing what the rest of us have done. This is so funny. We replace the sugar that once was our drink of choice. I am not too picky in my sugar consumption. Salt water taffy has become a craving. It is rather hard to find inland....Or maybe i am not looking hard enough for it. Must call around to see who sells it! Keep on keeping on.
( I just discovered jelly in my hair from my late night binge of peanut butter and jelly sandwich)
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Southern California
Posts: 135
When I was sober for a two year stint, my drug of choice was Heath Bar Klondike ice cream bars.
I would eat six in a row in the evening. That's about 1,200 calories per night. I had to get a grip and stop that!!!!
I would eat six in a row in the evening. That's about 1,200 calories per night. I had to get a grip and stop that!!!!
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Join Date: Jul 2013
Posts: 3,359
I relate Jaynie - my wife will bake chocolate chip cookies and I could not stop eating them. Brigham's Choclate Chip Ice Cream - or Baskin Robbins with the shaved chocolate chips.
I calculated how much weight I would loose with sobriety and I did that first months - I have gained it all back and then 10lbs.
Two nights ago, I announced to my wife that I was going to change. I started to think as I struggle with terms like alcoholic and just realize that alcohol has never done anything good, same with a cookie. In fact, its exactly the same. I know its not going to help me with my weight, yet I rationalize how I will swim an extra 600M or run on the treadmill (lately I have been remiss in following through though).
Towards the end of my drinking I remember I did not want to drink my Vodka and diet sprite but just like the cookie I rationalized how I would start tomorrow but tomorrow never came. Anyhow, I see such parallels and from a pure physical health perspective I am not sure which one is worse. Cookies don't make me want to do a few lines, as the vodka did but they certainly are not helping my heart, kidneys.
Sorry for the long winded post but I am now going to apply the same principles to my drinking (this should be confusing as I have been recently changing up my program) to processed sugar. No cookies, ice cream, chocolate souflees (maybe for a special occasion - although maybe that is my SV talking).
I also am starting today to catalog my food intact - a friend on this site suggested a great app that I downloaded but failed to use.
I calculated how much weight I would loose with sobriety and I did that first months - I have gained it all back and then 10lbs.
Two nights ago, I announced to my wife that I was going to change. I started to think as I struggle with terms like alcoholic and just realize that alcohol has never done anything good, same with a cookie. In fact, its exactly the same. I know its not going to help me with my weight, yet I rationalize how I will swim an extra 600M or run on the treadmill (lately I have been remiss in following through though).
Towards the end of my drinking I remember I did not want to drink my Vodka and diet sprite but just like the cookie I rationalized how I would start tomorrow but tomorrow never came. Anyhow, I see such parallels and from a pure physical health perspective I am not sure which one is worse. Cookies don't make me want to do a few lines, as the vodka did but they certainly are not helping my heart, kidneys.
Sorry for the long winded post but I am now going to apply the same principles to my drinking (this should be confusing as I have been recently changing up my program) to processed sugar. No cookies, ice cream, chocolate souflees (maybe for a special occasion - although maybe that is my SV talking).
I also am starting today to catalog my food intact - a friend on this site suggested a great app that I downloaded but failed to use.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
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LOL @jaynie! NIBBLES WOODAWAY!!!!
I was a sugar freak my first time around. This time I managed with just a couple of weeks chewing on hard candy. Whatever it takes. It should settle out after a while.
I was a sugar freak my first time around. This time I managed with just a couple of weeks chewing on hard candy. Whatever it takes. It should settle out after a while.
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Join Date: May 2013
Location: North East, US
Posts: 2,310
Nibbles woodaway.... Your now new name to me.... I love this post! You're hysterical and you are also quite crafty when it comes to snacking. Sugar can be a beast and tough to unshackle from.
I'd did zero and I mean zero sugar for a very long time, I likened myself to Joan Crawford in the floor scrubbing or no wire hangers scenes of, "mommy dearest". While coming off the sweet stuff So just be forewarned of the occasional irrational mood
I'd did zero and I mean zero sugar for a very long time, I likened myself to Joan Crawford in the floor scrubbing or no wire hangers scenes of, "mommy dearest". While coming off the sweet stuff So just be forewarned of the occasional irrational mood
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Beautiful! I don't even know how to respond to your comments.
People in my family try to outdo each other with desserts during the holidays. A family tradition that's turned into an Olympic event. So my jeans fit a bit tighter than they did in early November.
My brother and his wife live in a very quaint part of New Hampshire where there are bakeries on every corner, and chocolate shops that I'm certain have elves working in the back. That part of the country is also renowned for inventing Whoopie Pies and other home-baked concoctions. Thanksgiving was a dessert massacre that only upped the ante for everyone else on Christmas. Oh...and one of my sister's is an amateur baker, who makes her own versions of desserts featured on The Food Channel.
Oh the humanity!
People in my family try to outdo each other with desserts during the holidays. A family tradition that's turned into an Olympic event. So my jeans fit a bit tighter than they did in early November.
My brother and his wife live in a very quaint part of New Hampshire where there are bakeries on every corner, and chocolate shops that I'm certain have elves working in the back. That part of the country is also renowned for inventing Whoopie Pies and other home-baked concoctions. Thanksgiving was a dessert massacre that only upped the ante for everyone else on Christmas. Oh...and one of my sister's is an amateur baker, who makes her own versions of desserts featured on The Food Channel.
Oh the humanity!
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
I am the odd one out. I didn't find this funny. I found it scary, but I've lived with an eating disorder my whole life, and it's never been a laughing matter to me.
People who think that it's funny because it's food instead of booze/drugs....maybe they haven't actually been there. Lying, sneaking, being out of control is scary and a sign that something not good is going on there. Or was this meant to be funny and I missed the joke because this sort of thing triggers me?
When this was me, and it has been. I had to stop. Drink water. Go outside, take a hard walk. Not buy the stuff. Period. Can't have it in the house, because it's like booze. If I start, I WON'T stop till it's gone. And it can be tough because people say "well, it's better than drinking" or that we deserve to reward or treat ourselves, or that it's just a phase (for some of us maybe, but for others of us it's an addiction).
After a few weeks cold turkey the cravings do stop. If we keep our house clean of that stuff and don't get any while we are out (like desert menus), we can make the break and learn new eating habits, just like we learned to use our time and space in our lives for something other than drinking.
When a craving comes, a glass of water and 1/4 of an apple help. Or a few nuts.
sobriety is a much better reward than a new unhealthy addiction.
sorry if I'm a buzzkill...but truly, the sort of thing she describes made my life a living hell.
People who think that it's funny because it's food instead of booze/drugs....maybe they haven't actually been there. Lying, sneaking, being out of control is scary and a sign that something not good is going on there. Or was this meant to be funny and I missed the joke because this sort of thing triggers me?
When this was me, and it has been. I had to stop. Drink water. Go outside, take a hard walk. Not buy the stuff. Period. Can't have it in the house, because it's like booze. If I start, I WON'T stop till it's gone. And it can be tough because people say "well, it's better than drinking" or that we deserve to reward or treat ourselves, or that it's just a phase (for some of us maybe, but for others of us it's an addiction).
After a few weeks cold turkey the cravings do stop. If we keep our house clean of that stuff and don't get any while we are out (like desert menus), we can make the break and learn new eating habits, just like we learned to use our time and space in our lives for something other than drinking.
When a craving comes, a glass of water and 1/4 of an apple help. Or a few nuts.
sobriety is a much better reward than a new unhealthy addiction.
sorry if I'm a buzzkill...but truly, the sort of thing she describes made my life a living hell.
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Threshold….being a figure skater I have danced (literally and figuratively) around eating issues all my life. And I know that chronicling any issue gives it less power. I do keep my house relatively "clean" from junk which is why when the urges hit I have had to be creative. My apologies if I upset you, I know that ED is very destructive and difficult to cure.
I do see this as a transitory phase… food right now is a better alternative than alcohol and I can't take on everything at once. I have always been a secret nibbler…my college roommates staged an intervention because I was known for my late night scavenging, and apparently I don't close bags or put lids on..I still haven't shaken that rap. I do think it has something to do with ghost calories, who knows what the calories count in a spoonful of brownie mix is.
It's part of my journey. I don't really know what my relationship with food will be going forward, however at just past six months I am being honest and aware. I can see denial in the fact that I am buying "ingredients" versus outright snacks, and yes I have a bit of body dysmorphia.
I am sorry if I triggered you but I am finding sobriety is unearthing new issues constantly, and for me sharing my new awareness of my eating patterns is cathartic.
I do see this as a transitory phase… food right now is a better alternative than alcohol and I can't take on everything at once. I have always been a secret nibbler…my college roommates staged an intervention because I was known for my late night scavenging, and apparently I don't close bags or put lids on..I still haven't shaken that rap. I do think it has something to do with ghost calories, who knows what the calories count in a spoonful of brownie mix is.
It's part of my journey. I don't really know what my relationship with food will be going forward, however at just past six months I am being honest and aware. I can see denial in the fact that I am buying "ingredients" versus outright snacks, and yes I have a bit of body dysmorphia.
I am sorry if I triggered you but I am finding sobriety is unearthing new issues constantly, and for me sharing my new awareness of my eating patterns is cathartic.
Its a cold and its a broken hallelujah.
Join Date: Aug 2011
Posts: 2,887
Originally Posted by Threshold
I am the odd one out. I didn't find this funny. I found it scary, but I've lived with an eating disorder my whole life, and it's never been a laughing matter to me.
People who think that it's funny because it's food instead of booze/drugs....maybe they haven't actually been there. Lying, sneaking, being out of control is scary and a sign that something not good is going on there. Or was this meant to be funny and I missed the joke because this sort of thing triggers me?
When this was me, and it has been. I had to stop. Drink water. Go outside, take a hard walk. Not buy the stuff. Period. Can't have it in the house, because it's like booze. If I start, I WON'T stop till it's gone. And it can be tough because people say "well, it's better than drinking" or that we deserve to reward or treat ourselves, or that it's just a phase (for some of us maybe, but for others of us it's an addiction).
After a few weeks cold turkey the cravings do stop. If we keep our house clean of that stuff and don't get any while we are out (like desert menus), we can make the break and learn new eating habits, just like we learned to use our time and space in our lives for something other than drinking.
When a craving comes, a glass of water and 1/4 of an apple help. Or a few nuts.
sobriety is a much better reward than a new unhealthy addiction.
sorry if I'm a buzzkill...but truly, the sort of thing she describes made my life a living hell.
People who think that it's funny because it's food instead of booze/drugs....maybe they haven't actually been there. Lying, sneaking, being out of control is scary and a sign that something not good is going on there. Or was this meant to be funny and I missed the joke because this sort of thing triggers me?
When this was me, and it has been. I had to stop. Drink water. Go outside, take a hard walk. Not buy the stuff. Period. Can't have it in the house, because it's like booze. If I start, I WON'T stop till it's gone. And it can be tough because people say "well, it's better than drinking" or that we deserve to reward or treat ourselves, or that it's just a phase (for some of us maybe, but for others of us it's an addiction).
After a few weeks cold turkey the cravings do stop. If we keep our house clean of that stuff and don't get any while we are out (like desert menus), we can make the break and learn new eating habits, just like we learned to use our time and space in our lives for something other than drinking.
When a craving comes, a glass of water and 1/4 of an apple help. Or a few nuts.
sobriety is a much better reward than a new unhealthy addiction.
sorry if I'm a buzzkill...but truly, the sort of thing she describes made my life a living hell.
I learn and grow from this place, I swear, every single day.
I found it funny because I can relate to the hilarity of being out of control in the sheer desperation of trying to control myself. What a dichotomy ! And while we are all soul searching constantly and trying to live authentically, its so wonderful to be able to laugh. I'm grateful for laughter. SO grateful.
If, goodness forbid, it triggered me, I would certainly click off and move on.
I see posts like that often here, and have to step away from the keyboard.
Thanks for your beautiful honesty.
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by jaynie04
Threshold….being a figure skater I have danced (literally and figuratively) around eating issues all my life. And I know that chronicling any issue gives it less power. I do keep my house relatively "clean" from junk which is why when the urges hit I have had to be creative. My apologies if I upset you, I know that ED is very destructive and difficult to cure.
But this sort of thing isn't a laughing matter to some of us, and I was wondering am I the ONLY one who didn't find this funny?
I wasn't upset, just being a voice out there for others, who like me, might have eating issues as a HUGE factor in their lives.
I have seen it many times on SR when someone posts about something like this, others say it's no big deal, that they are making too much out of it, etc..and I like to remind folks that for some it can actually be a big deal.
Just like many people here find that their friends and families don't understand the nature of alcoholism, and how frustrating it can be. I think it's similar with eating disorders.
It's not as simple as telling an anorexic to have a cheeseburger and get over it, or a compulsive eater to put down the cookies. They are addictions as confounding as alcoholism.
So yeah, there's the funny image of a person eating a frozen cheesecake in a closet...but it's a lot less funny when you are or have been the person eating the frozen cheesecake in the closet.
So, I'm glad that you posted, I just wanted to throw my perspective in there.
No harm done or hurt feelings on my part, just a different voice.
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Arizona
Posts: 3,680
Originally Posted by alphaomega
If, goodness forbid, it triggered me, I would certainly click off and move on.
I see posts like that often here, and have to step away from the keyboard.
I am glad when people post on all variety of topics and I sure hope my post didn't shut down this thread in any manner, because I didn't mean to. But I wasn't actually sure, from the opening post if Jaynie was mostly being funny, or mostly bringing up a worrisome issue.
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Join Date: Mar 2013
Location: Virginia
Posts: 1,133
Originally Posted by Threshold
But this sort of thing isn't a laughing matter to some of us, and I was wondering am I the ONLY one who didn't find this funny?
I've done similar things -- eating brownie mix out of the box, for one. And I don't have an eating disorder. I don't think anyone here would see any humor in the kind of eating disorder that gets you hospitalized or admitted to a treatment facility. I know I don't.
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Join Date: Aug 2013
Posts: 2,303
Originally Posted by Threshold
I am the odd one out. I didn't find this funny. I found it scary, but I've lived with an eating disorder my whole life, and it's never been a laughing matter to me. People who think that it's funny because it's food instead of booze/drugs....maybe they haven't actually been there. Lying, sneaking, being out of control is scary and a sign that something not good is going on there. Or was this meant to be funny and I missed the joke because this sort of thing triggers me? sorry if I'm a buzzkill...but truly, the sort of thing she describes made my life a living hell.
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