Acheleus

I have 60 days sober. I got with a girl in AA, we got very close very fast. Tonight she told me we cannot be in a relationship because I do not have a year sober and have not worked the steps. She kissed me though tonight and we both really like each other, I think I am in love and I do not know what to do. I like this girl so much I would wait a year for her. I called my sponsor and I am going to work the steps. This is like some nightmare though.

Dee74

Congratulations on your 60 days Ach.
I think talking to your sponsor and starting the steps is a great idea.

I think it would be very wise to focus on that and not this girl, but I'm not sure you'll listen to me.

Just try to not leap too far ahead in your head, y'know?

least

Just work on yourself and your sobriety and if this is meant to be, it will be there when you're ready.

Mentium

Firstly brilliant progress on your part! I remember a few short months ago how 'truly' lost you were!

It is hard I know, but the girl in question is simply looking after herself and making sure she is protecting her own sobriety. It is worth remembering that the odds are not good for most people who go into AA. The relapse rate is very high and the girl is (I assume) just protecting her chances.

It may be hard but the best thing you can do for her and you is to stick with it and stay sober. If things work out, who knows!

cheebiechi

Tread lightly on relationships,

I needed and still am finding myself even after 17 years of marriage and 30 years of drinking....

I have to love me before I can love someone else...

Matt

Nonsensical

Yeah, sounds just horrible.

Taking5

This is actually good news. This proves that she has a good sponsor and is putting her sobriety first. If you put your sobriety first, a year will have gone soon enough - time for you to finish the steps. Your friend should still be there.

Mags1

Congratulations on 60 days sober, Acheleus

bi11fish

The first thing you put in front of your sobriety will be the 2nd thing you lose!!!!

IOAA2

Congratulations on your 60 days. Personal relationships are difficult in "normal" life. Now throw in the raw emotions of a couple of alcoholics and most of the time after reality sets in bad things can happen. That's the reasoning of waiting one year of sobriety before making changes in our life. I've seen too many disasters over the years and personally believe in waiting five years for some clarity. Yes in the beginning I heard things I didn't want to hear but I wanted to stay sober and followed some of them and suffered with some doing it my way.

BE WELL

sugarbear1

I began a relationship over 2 years into sobriety. Yes, I did work the steps, 4 times so far.

Relationships are really difficult in sobriety. You are doing the right thing. Focus on you and your sobriety.

No, my relationship didn't last long. the intense emotions, the entire "ordeal" was enough to know it was too much for both of us. And he has 7 years of sobriety.

Stay strong, stay focused, stay stopped!

autan

I think its great you found someone. Just like at high school at exams time, you need to concentrate on what your doing and she needs to concentrate on what she is doing.

If you both really love each other, theres no reason why you can build the relationship up after you both have a years sobriety behind you.

I think what the danger here is, relapse in one person is likely to cause a relapse in both people, which kind of makes sense to take it slow and easy and not to over commit at this stage.

Nice one though !

Lifewillgetbet

I recently experienced this we were together 3 months and broke up. We still remained good friends.
Guess what? She relapsed. Not only that, but she slept with another dude. Great.
What im saying is, yes, focus on yourself. 60 days is still very early. I made that mistake and it hurt, so just looking out.

Olive1

Hi Acheleus,
I feel like you are always in such a hurry for everything in life! I would like to offer you to slow down.
When I got sober I took everything down to slow motion, one day at a time. I believe it helped give me a good foundation for a life of sobriety.

Good job on 60 days!

phoebe64

I have a question.

Are you getting a sponsor and doing the steps because you want to, or becasue she wants you to, or will only be with you if you do?

Just be sure, whatever you are doing, it is for yourself and motivated from within your own desire to be well. Just thinking, if you are going to do the work, be sure it is for yourself so you get the most benefit from it.

foolsgold66

Ache - Think with the big head.

Skye2

I am SO gonna pinch that expression!

FreeOwl

work those steps and keep your focus on your sobriety.

That girl is wise.

And - I'd bet she'll be there all the stronger when you hit a year.

Acheleus

Sound advice all around. Thank you. I am on my last semester of school, I have tons of work to do, so this is for the best. But we both really like each other. She was so open and free with me for three nights (ahem) and then just did not talk to me for two days, then came over to tell me we could not be in a relationship. I like her soooooo much. I told her well what if I leave town after school and we could have fallen in love and married? Sigh. I feel like this person is so special I would stay here a year and make no big changes in my life. Maybe I should mention she only has a little over one year sober and she is 25 and I am 28. We moved too fast maybe.


It is crazy bc she was all open and free and we got so close. I am guessing some person told her to shut it down. Now in meetings I will just be all goofy in love. She did say in a year we could be together. I told her I would wait a year.

I think she said working the steps changes people, and that I would not be the same person.

Lifewillgetbet

This is a spitting image of what happened to me man. Around the same ages too. Like another member said. Tread lightly, with Extreme Caution. Also, you have to lower your expectations man. You may be setting yourself up for failure here if it does not work out for you. Your feelings and emotions are all over the map. Basically what your doing is not focusing on your DOC and focusing on Her.