Almost lost it all...
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2014
Location: New York
Posts: 55
Almost lost it all...
Hello!
I just joined this site and I'd like to tell a bit of my story. Addiction runs in my family and I've been subjected to it pretty much my entire life, although I don't know if I'd say that's why I became an addict. I think it all stems back from the fact that I never had high self esteem. I became addicted to OxyContin's back in 2008 and in 2010 I entered a methadone clinic which saved my life. I never used again since the day I entered the clinic, and I got weened off of the methadone and was out of the clinic by 2012. However, at the same time I was dealing with the methadone withdrawals, I was going through some pretty traumatic life changes at the same time, so I turned to drinking to get me through it. It turned into an everyday thing. I had to move back home as I just left my ex husband, so I was hiding alcohol in my closet and driving around drunk and I was pretty much miserable and depressed unless I had a few drinks in me. Eventually, I met the love of my life and somewhat snapped out of this terrible funk I was in once we moved in together a year ago. My life started changing for the better. But, I would still have the urge to drink as it had become my coping skill once things got stressful. I have also been battling bulimia since 2006 so that was another thing that was causing me to drink. If I drank, I was ok with eating...then I would eat too much, make myself get sick, then drink more. A terrible vicious cycle. Sometime later, the alcohol wasn't enough anymore, and once I was drunk enough, I would beg my boyfriend to do drugs with me. We would mostly do 'Molly' aka MDMA. He had his life together before I came into the picture but I came along and dragged him into this life of chaos. All because I never got the help I needed to address why I was using substances to feel better about myself. I had the love of my life, a decent job and a 5 year old daughter who is my life. But every few weeks, the binge drinking would rear it's ugly head and for 2 or 3 days, the drinking and drug using would take over our lives and cause some major issues. My bf would beg me to stop drinking and I would be good, like I said, for a few weeks, then of course, something would trigger me and the drinking would start once again. Neither of us were physically addicted to either the drugs or alcohol. Like i said, it just became a way of coping with our problems. This New Year's Eve, he asked me to marry him. We celebrated like crazy and next thing you know, our families are marching into our condo for an intervention. So, here I am. I haven't had anything to drink since Saturday evening and haven't done any drugs since Friday. I didn't have any physical withdrawal symptoms, which I know is a good thing as I very we'll know the horrifying pain of withdrawals (OxyContin and the methadone). My fiancé is going to meetings and I went to a life coach yesterday (who told me that through my recovery, I am going to feel like I'm being reborn) and I start an intensive outpatient program on Monday. Me and my fiancé aren't living together at the moment as we think we need to focus on ourselves right now, then once we are strong enough, we will heal together as a couple. I plan on trying to move back home in a couple of weeks. We are best friends and it's terribly hard being without him, but I cannot depend on him to get me through this. I need to start this recovery on my own so I can gain that self esteem I've always lacked. Well, there's my story in a nutshell. If anyone knows what I should expect from the outpatient program, I'd love some info.
Thanks for reading <3
I just joined this site and I'd like to tell a bit of my story. Addiction runs in my family and I've been subjected to it pretty much my entire life, although I don't know if I'd say that's why I became an addict. I think it all stems back from the fact that I never had high self esteem. I became addicted to OxyContin's back in 2008 and in 2010 I entered a methadone clinic which saved my life. I never used again since the day I entered the clinic, and I got weened off of the methadone and was out of the clinic by 2012. However, at the same time I was dealing with the methadone withdrawals, I was going through some pretty traumatic life changes at the same time, so I turned to drinking to get me through it. It turned into an everyday thing. I had to move back home as I just left my ex husband, so I was hiding alcohol in my closet and driving around drunk and I was pretty much miserable and depressed unless I had a few drinks in me. Eventually, I met the love of my life and somewhat snapped out of this terrible funk I was in once we moved in together a year ago. My life started changing for the better. But, I would still have the urge to drink as it had become my coping skill once things got stressful. I have also been battling bulimia since 2006 so that was another thing that was causing me to drink. If I drank, I was ok with eating...then I would eat too much, make myself get sick, then drink more. A terrible vicious cycle. Sometime later, the alcohol wasn't enough anymore, and once I was drunk enough, I would beg my boyfriend to do drugs with me. We would mostly do 'Molly' aka MDMA. He had his life together before I came into the picture but I came along and dragged him into this life of chaos. All because I never got the help I needed to address why I was using substances to feel better about myself. I had the love of my life, a decent job and a 5 year old daughter who is my life. But every few weeks, the binge drinking would rear it's ugly head and for 2 or 3 days, the drinking and drug using would take over our lives and cause some major issues. My bf would beg me to stop drinking and I would be good, like I said, for a few weeks, then of course, something would trigger me and the drinking would start once again. Neither of us were physically addicted to either the drugs or alcohol. Like i said, it just became a way of coping with our problems. This New Year's Eve, he asked me to marry him. We celebrated like crazy and next thing you know, our families are marching into our condo for an intervention. So, here I am. I haven't had anything to drink since Saturday evening and haven't done any drugs since Friday. I didn't have any physical withdrawal symptoms, which I know is a good thing as I very we'll know the horrifying pain of withdrawals (OxyContin and the methadone). My fiancé is going to meetings and I went to a life coach yesterday (who told me that through my recovery, I am going to feel like I'm being reborn) and I start an intensive outpatient program on Monday. Me and my fiancé aren't living together at the moment as we think we need to focus on ourselves right now, then once we are strong enough, we will heal together as a couple. I plan on trying to move back home in a couple of weeks. We are best friends and it's terribly hard being without him, but I cannot depend on him to get me through this. I need to start this recovery on my own so I can gain that self esteem I've always lacked. Well, there's my story in a nutshell. If anyone knows what I should expect from the outpatient program, I'd love some info.
Thanks for reading <3
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Australia
Posts: 11,351
Hiya Forme and welcome ;-)
The break with you and your boyfriend is ideal as you are both toxic to each other at the moment.
You need to focus on yourself and getting you well , to be the best mother you can be .
All us Mums want this in recovery.
I'm not experienced with Molly or any type of drug , but someone here will help you out with that .
Congrats on your commitment to stay sober hun. Xx
Keep posting , we will help you get through .
Much love xx
The break with you and your boyfriend is ideal as you are both toxic to each other at the moment.
You need to focus on yourself and getting you well , to be the best mother you can be .
All us Mums want this in recovery.
I'm not experienced with Molly or any type of drug , but someone here will help you out with that .
Congrats on your commitment to stay sober hun. Xx
Keep posting , we will help you get through .
Much love xx
Kaleidoscope eyes
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: London
Posts: 5,243
Welcome. My recovery was based on regaining self-esteem and I think it is so important. I haven't been involved in an outpatient program,, but I'm sure it will be useful for you. Good luck x
Member
Join Date: Jan 2014
Posts: 8,637
thank you for helping me stay sober today.... your story has elements of my own in it and it's a reaffirmation that my choice to live a sober life is the right one.
I wish you and your fiancee well.... and for me, AA has been a powerful tool, so I will suggest you consider that as a component of your own sobriety.
Welcome. You can do it.
I wish you and your fiancee well.... and for me, AA has been a powerful tool, so I will suggest you consider that as a component of your own sobriety.
Welcome. You can do it.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2012
Posts: 3,777
Welcome. I think you will find some much needed support here. I have never been to outpatient, but I think others have and they will come along with their words.
It sounds like you have a family that is loving and cares for the well being of your life and your child, also the fiance. This is wonderful. Keep walking forward and know that this road of sobriety is worth it. You can do this! Get all the support and help that you can.
It sounds like you have a family that is loving and cares for the well being of your life and your child, also the fiance. This is wonderful. Keep walking forward and know that this road of sobriety is worth it. You can do this! Get all the support and help that you can.
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