Police letting DUI go?
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 23
Police letting DUI go?
AP was supposed to pick me up from work tonight (that's a whole other thing I'm full aware).
Called about 6:18pm to say he was headed out, and it takes about 30 min to get to my office. Got to be about 8pm, and can't get him on his phone. About 8:10 I get a call from a cop that he's been in an incident, the cop thinks he's been drinking, and wants me to pick up the truck. I tell him it would take me a couple hours to get hold of someone and get there to pick it up.
30 min later, AP pulls up outside the office in the truck. No noticeable damage to truck. AP's not going to tell me any details, so I'm flying blind here.
I'm floored that they didn't haul him off to jail. Has anyone else ever had anything like this happen? What can happen next, or does it end up being a wash with the police?
Called about 6:18pm to say he was headed out, and it takes about 30 min to get to my office. Got to be about 8pm, and can't get him on his phone. About 8:10 I get a call from a cop that he's been in an incident, the cop thinks he's been drinking, and wants me to pick up the truck. I tell him it would take me a couple hours to get hold of someone and get there to pick it up.
30 min later, AP pulls up outside the office in the truck. No noticeable damage to truck. AP's not going to tell me any details, so I'm flying blind here.
I'm floored that they didn't haul him off to jail. Has anyone else ever had anything like this happen? What can happen next, or does it end up being a wash with the police?
Engineer Things; LOVE People
Join Date: Sep 2009
Posts: 3,707
My observations?
Cops are humans. And you know *we* how humans are.
Some figure the punishment(s) now are too high for the crime.
Some do not want to drag a drunk near the end of their shift, in if there is a busy day at the jail, and have to stick around for booking.
Sometimes it is some personal, business or political relationship.
Sort of like *we* Friends and Family who somehow become enablers.
HOWEVER, if DUI was Rigorous Enforced . . . there would be a WHOLE Lot Less of it.
Cops are humans. And you know *we* how humans are.
Some figure the punishment(s) now are too high for the crime.
Some do not want to drag a drunk near the end of their shift, in if there is a busy day at the jail, and have to stick around for booking.
Sometimes it is some personal, business or political relationship.
Sort of like *we* Friends and Family who somehow become enablers.
HOWEVER, if DUI was Rigorous Enforced . . . there would be a WHOLE Lot Less of it.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Indiana, IL
Posts: 424
Wow! I would call the police department to tell them what happened and demand to have him arrested. He could of hit a school bus or run into a tree. DUI offenders still get a slap on the wrist compared to other crimes.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2013
Location: my own prison
Posts: 108
When I was a kid my moms bf got out of a DUI 3x's. Three seperated times the cop drove him to our house to sleep it off. We never knew how or why he got away with it when so many others didn't, including my mom. The only assumptions I could come up with were:
A) He paid them off
B) the jail is overcrowded
C) the cop wasn't interested in the paperwork
Not sure what the reason was. I'll never know. It's scary
A) He paid them off
B) the jail is overcrowded
C) the cop wasn't interested in the paperwork
Not sure what the reason was. I'll never know. It's scary
Member
Join Date: May 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 31
"I'm floored that they didn't haul him off to jail. Has anyone else ever had anything like this happen? What can happen next, or does it end up being a wash with the police?"
Me too. I had a similar experience with my boyfriend about 3 years ago. He had dropped his daughter off at a birthday party, and we were going to pick her up. I didn't want to drive because I had just recovered from an illness and had just that day taken some visual tests to check how good my eyes were while driving. He agreed to drive TO the DQ if I could drive back. I should have known...
We were just turning into the complex, and my BF almost went on the left side of the median. He was pulled over and the cop asked him how much he's had to drink. He said: "well...nothin, really" and the cop asked him if it was his final answer. (he admitted to drinking a very small amount, earlier)
He did all the field sobriety tests and then the breathalyzer, and blew a .11 (Our state is .08)
I was in a full on panic attack and about to pee my pants when the cop came over and told me that he was going to let him go if I agreed to drive.
I couldn't believe it. He still hasn't gotten a DUI and he drives drunk all the time. Sometimes to the liquor store when he's run out of booze, and sometimes he parks the car a few blocks down so he doesn't have to walk the entire way home from the bar. He somehow makes it home, and then can hardly stand.
I wish he would have gotten a DUI that day, but I don't know if it would have been enough.
Me too. I had a similar experience with my boyfriend about 3 years ago. He had dropped his daughter off at a birthday party, and we were going to pick her up. I didn't want to drive because I had just recovered from an illness and had just that day taken some visual tests to check how good my eyes were while driving. He agreed to drive TO the DQ if I could drive back. I should have known...
We were just turning into the complex, and my BF almost went on the left side of the median. He was pulled over and the cop asked him how much he's had to drink. He said: "well...nothin, really" and the cop asked him if it was his final answer. (he admitted to drinking a very small amount, earlier)
He did all the field sobriety tests and then the breathalyzer, and blew a .11 (Our state is .08)
I was in a full on panic attack and about to pee my pants when the cop came over and told me that he was going to let him go if I agreed to drive.
I couldn't believe it. He still hasn't gotten a DUI and he drives drunk all the time. Sometimes to the liquor store when he's run out of booze, and sometimes he parks the car a few blocks down so he doesn't have to walk the entire way home from the bar. He somehow makes it home, and then can hardly stand.
I wish he would have gotten a DUI that day, but I don't know if it would have been enough.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2013
Location: Silicon Valley, CA
Posts: 2,066
This happened to my husband once in college. He was driving after drinking and had two drunk friends in his car too. Was pulled over and then the cop let him drive off with a warning. I have no clue why police do the things they do but I'm sure they use their best judgement based on the hundreds or thousands of times they pull people over. Maybe your dad (I think AP is alcoholic parent, right?) smelled like booze but was acting coherent enough to convince the cop that he was okay to drive? That would be my best guess.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2013
Location: Midwest
Posts: 807
It really depends on the state and the laws. Here the portable breathalyzer is just a tool to get a somewhat accurate measure. The driver then, if he fails field tests, has to be taken to the station, booked, and taken to the hospital for a blood draw so an accurate BAC can be obtained. In many instances that can take hours so if the BAC is not super high it becomes a waste of time as the portable breathalyzer test will not stand up in court. If someone successfully passes field tests the judge is most likely going to let them off.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: PA
Posts: 695
Another idea...do you have caller ID? Are you sure it was the police? Maybe a buddy called and your being pranked to give him an excuse for not picking you up? I don't know you or him, just an idea...a sick idea but who knows?
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: Indiana, IL
Posts: 424
In my state a dui is considered a "violent crime". Which means you go to prison and must do 85% of the sentence instead of the typical 50% with good behavior. Drunk drivers are like loaded guns speeding down roadway. The laws should be 1 year prison the first sentence and 10 years the second offense and the third dui a LIFE sentence. Then the accidents could really go down.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 23
The next chapter….
Not sure who to talk to about this, so I'm coming back to my original thread. Time passes, and some things don't change. Here's where I'm scared ***less to actually admit any of this to anyone, but I deserve whatever punishment I get, because I'm the one who's apparently hellbent on enabling, and I can't get it together.
Called me at work this afternoon. Rear-ended someone. This time they totally got him. Don't know how bad, hoping no injuries. I'm sure he's in jail right now. I have no experience with this. I'm o.k. with letting him sit there, or not taking his calls. No clue who he might reach out to for bail, or whether that will even happen. No clue how long I'll feel like continuing with that. Dunno if he'll be kept until bail, or released on own recognizance. Just no idea.
We've been together 12 years. He's never had a license in that entire time. We're same-sex couple, no joint property (he owns the house) or finances or anything at all. Vehicles in my name. I don't need his finances at all, so him losing his job is more or less a non-issue for me. Finally hit my bottom - my keys will be locked up and he'll never drive the cars again. Always wanted to do that, but could never give myself permission before. Always felt like I was controlling. I just don't care anymore.
Not sure what my liability might be, but no escaping that I deserve what I get. No clue how this will wreck my insurance. Finally ready to absolve feeling responsible for "helping" him, so I'm praying hard that this is finally a bottom for me, at least that much. Still not ready to leave, naturally. In that way I'm evidently a bottomless pit. I can say I'm more worried about my own liability than his situation, so I guess I've got at least some emotional separation at last.
I'm posting this here because I'm finally ready to start telling the truth. Would appreciate ESH. Dreading what you're going to think of me. Knowing that the insanity I've learned to live with for 12 years has made me insane. Not saying that to defend myself. Just admitting the truth of how I feel about myself. Wondering who I need to admit this to in person, for the stupid secrets I've been keeping, but I admit I don't even know if it matters anymore.
Right now I don't know where to go from here.
Called me at work this afternoon. Rear-ended someone. This time they totally got him. Don't know how bad, hoping no injuries. I'm sure he's in jail right now. I have no experience with this. I'm o.k. with letting him sit there, or not taking his calls. No clue who he might reach out to for bail, or whether that will even happen. No clue how long I'll feel like continuing with that. Dunno if he'll be kept until bail, or released on own recognizance. Just no idea.
We've been together 12 years. He's never had a license in that entire time. We're same-sex couple, no joint property (he owns the house) or finances or anything at all. Vehicles in my name. I don't need his finances at all, so him losing his job is more or less a non-issue for me. Finally hit my bottom - my keys will be locked up and he'll never drive the cars again. Always wanted to do that, but could never give myself permission before. Always felt like I was controlling. I just don't care anymore.
Not sure what my liability might be, but no escaping that I deserve what I get. No clue how this will wreck my insurance. Finally ready to absolve feeling responsible for "helping" him, so I'm praying hard that this is finally a bottom for me, at least that much. Still not ready to leave, naturally. In that way I'm evidently a bottomless pit. I can say I'm more worried about my own liability than his situation, so I guess I've got at least some emotional separation at last.
I'm posting this here because I'm finally ready to start telling the truth. Would appreciate ESH. Dreading what you're going to think of me. Knowing that the insanity I've learned to live with for 12 years has made me insane. Not saying that to defend myself. Just admitting the truth of how I feel about myself. Wondering who I need to admit this to in person, for the stupid secrets I've been keeping, but I admit I don't even know if it matters anymore.
Right now I don't know where to go from here.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2013
Posts: 494
Dreading what you're going to think of me. Knowing that the insanity I've learned to live with for 12 years has made me insane.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,902
I'm sorry you're still dealing with this, but you don't have to go anywhere from here. This is all his problem and he will need to deal with it. Locking up the car keys seems like a good idea. Protect yourself as much as you can.
I doubt anything is going to come back on you. Just because you own the vehicle doesn't mean this is your fault. I'm glad that you've had enough though. If he wants to drive without a license, then he needs to use his own transportation. If he doesn't have any, then he needs to take a bus or a taxi.
I doubt anything is going to come back on you. Just because you own the vehicle doesn't mean this is your fault. I'm glad that you've had enough though. If he wants to drive without a license, then he needs to use his own transportation. If he doesn't have any, then he needs to take a bus or a taxi.
Member
Join Date: Jul 2014
Location: Louisiana
Posts: 40
Oh codebear,
you are welcome here! I've only been on the boards 2 months and it is such a welcoming place. we won't judge you.... we KNOW how you feel!
You've been in your relationship for 12 years. I've been married for 30.... and I'm just opening my eyes to the insanity I've been living in. It takes time to get to serenity!
I'd say to go to Al-Anon to help get strong. They are welcoming and will help you. Go to a few meetings to find a good fit.
You really do need to just take it one day at a time. Read through the boards, including the stickies. I'm sure others who are farther down the road will chime in in due time. But I've learned to keep focus on you, but you do have some specific liability issues you need to figure out. Maybe talk with an insurance agent or attorney? Sorry not sure .... in some ways it's easier just because of the legalities but i know emotionally it doesn't make it easier. :-(
Anyway, like I said, read through the boards and books like Codependent No More to get strong. And as they say in Al-anon: Keep coming back!
((((hugs))))
you are welcome here! I've only been on the boards 2 months and it is such a welcoming place. we won't judge you.... we KNOW how you feel!
You've been in your relationship for 12 years. I've been married for 30.... and I'm just opening my eyes to the insanity I've been living in. It takes time to get to serenity!
I'd say to go to Al-Anon to help get strong. They are welcoming and will help you. Go to a few meetings to find a good fit.
You really do need to just take it one day at a time. Read through the boards, including the stickies. I'm sure others who are farther down the road will chime in in due time. But I've learned to keep focus on you, but you do have some specific liability issues you need to figure out. Maybe talk with an insurance agent or attorney? Sorry not sure .... in some ways it's easier just because of the legalities but i know emotionally it doesn't make it easier. :-(
Anyway, like I said, read through the boards and books like Codependent No More to get strong. And as they say in Al-anon: Keep coming back!
((((hugs))))
Member
Join Date: Mar 2013
Posts: 214
Dreading what we're going to think of you?!!?
Well, what do you think of us, for doing the best we could in the face of a loved one's alcoholism?
Take the guy off your insurance, keep your keys, program some taxi company phone numbers into his phone.
Attorneys can give you some advice about how to protect yourself from liability.
It's rough living with the boundaries set around alcoholism, though. They don't call alcoholics "King Baby" for nothing.
Good luck!!
Well, what do you think of us, for doing the best we could in the face of a loved one's alcoholism?
Take the guy off your insurance, keep your keys, program some taxi company phone numbers into his phone.
Attorneys can give you some advice about how to protect yourself from liability.
It's rough living with the boundaries set around alcoholism, though. They don't call alcoholics "King Baby" for nothing.
Good luck!!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2012
Location: PA
Posts: 2,728
Originally Posted by suki44883 
I doubt anything is going to come back on you. Just because you own the vehicle doesn't mean this is your fault.
We have debated these threads many times on spouses damaging the other's driving records and privies because of laying said arses on the line to allow... er, scratch that... to enable the alcoholic, keep the peace and keep the funds coming in. My husband has driven drunk many times and even while he nearly bled to death on the side of the road, he STILL got away with DUI. If he did not stop, he would have been eventually tagged.
You may end up being responsible for damages to victim's vehicle and any medical this person may put against your insurance. You'll also be responsible for any increases associated with the claims that are about to be levied against your insurance. This is a very harsh reality for ALL OF US!!!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2011
Location: Indianapolis, IN
Posts: 23
Thanks, all of you, for your responses! I really needed the compassion right now, this evening, while I'm sitting here in silence and my mind racing.
Suki - Yup, I really do think I finally hit my bottom on that one. Feeling very stupid that it took this to get me to that point.
BoxInRotz - Sigh, and wow, and yep. I've been scouring the Internet tonight getting familiar with negligent entrustment. Thanks for your honesty. I've got 2 references to local law firms, and I'm planning to contact them first thing in the morning. Does it make sense that I'm not planning to answer my phone until after I talk to a lawyer?
That answering the phone bit. I think the very first thing I need to do is talk to a lawyer. But then…. do I answer? Do I not answer? I guess I need to wrap my head around the fact that *I GET TO DECIDE!* I didn't cause this, can't control it, can't cure it. So, do I ever answer the phone? Do you just not answer and let them sit indefinitely? I think I can actually do that and be o.k. with it. Is there any reason whatsoever to answer? I bet this is me seeking permission, and I know it's not for any of you to give. I want to say no, I won't answer. I dunno - is there any legal reason I *should* answer?
Suki - Yup, I really do think I finally hit my bottom on that one. Feeling very stupid that it took this to get me to that point.
BoxInRotz - Sigh, and wow, and yep. I've been scouring the Internet tonight getting familiar with negligent entrustment. Thanks for your honesty. I've got 2 references to local law firms, and I'm planning to contact them first thing in the morning. Does it make sense that I'm not planning to answer my phone until after I talk to a lawyer?
That answering the phone bit. I think the very first thing I need to do is talk to a lawyer. But then…. do I answer? Do I not answer? I guess I need to wrap my head around the fact that *I GET TO DECIDE!* I didn't cause this, can't control it, can't cure it. So, do I ever answer the phone? Do you just not answer and let them sit indefinitely? I think I can actually do that and be o.k. with it. Is there any reason whatsoever to answer? I bet this is me seeking permission, and I know it's not for any of you to give. I want to say no, I won't answer. I dunno - is there any legal reason I *should* answer?
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
