Flying4Life

Does anyone else struggle with worrying about upcoming events that typically center around drinking? I made it thru the holidays worrying about whether I would drink with others at parties, family gatherings, NYE etc. I skipped a class party that was held at a bar downtown because I was so worried about not fitting in. I don’t want to drink. I want my sobriety to stay intact, but I also want to socialize and have fun. I want to make friends and network with my classmates and all the opportunities that have come up involve alcohol. I am sick of worrying about drinking and in the past this has led to me relapsing. I do not want to drink but I don’t want to feel like a special case or keep isolating myself from others for fear I will slip.

The next event is a little more than a week away, it is a local food and wine show, lots of vendors, yummy things to try, and entertainment to see. I want to go, I am a foodie with a year of culinary training under my belt, I want to make friends and enjoy something I already enjoy with others. I just think everyone else will be drinking as well as enjoying the food and I will seem strange. I know I am probably just overthinking this and that my peers will enjoy my company even if I am not drinking and it will still be a good opportunity to get out and explore new things with new people. But my AV is already trying to convince me that drinking there will be okay to fit in and ease my nervousness even though I know it will just start my struggle right back up again. Please give me some support and advice SR friends. I would like to go, stay sober, have fun, and make friends.

ScottFromWI

I avoided alcohol related events for at least a couple of months initially, how far along are you? If you have a worry that you might not be able to attend without being tempted to the point of losing control and drinking I'd personally recommend not going. I have found though that once you are sober for a while I"m perfectly fine attending food or entertainment events whrere alcohol is ALSO served, but I still dont' attend events where the main focus is alcohol - I really have no reason to be there. Just as I wouldn't attend a gun show or car show if I wasn't interested in guns or cars.

m4rest88

+1 for the last post. I myself am definitely going to avoid such events for the time being

Inca

These events can be tough. I just had one last weekend and the worst part was not that I wanted to drink, but that I didn't want to feel like I didn't belong. I was the only person not drinking and the conversation can go downhill after everyone else has a couple of drinks.

If you think you'll be tempted, I would skip it. If you know you won't drink, it may just be an interesting situation that you can work through. Stay strong either way.

Ethos23

I do. My fear of these events is why I have never just stated "I dont drink anymore." I've always left the door open in case it gets too stressful, I will just have a couple. Well . . . that was until this last binge. I am done. I have no problem stating "I don't drink anymore." Perfect thing to say, especially with the new year.

Flying4Life

I am over 4 months sober and I have been around people drinking a number of times. The issue with this event for me is that I will be surrounded by people that I don't really know and I want to get to know. I already feel like I don't fit in with them and I imagine this type of event is 50% about drinking. My plan is to focus on the other 50% and the people that I am with. I just don't know how to handle the feeling of being different. These are people in my class at school, last term I struggled to make friends and was even a victim of systematic bullying by a few individuals. I want a fresh start and I am tired of feeling alone in my classes. Socializing outside of class is a way for me to overcome this and this is the best opportunity that has come up so far.

least

Is your sobriety strong enough to resist the temptation to drink? If so, go, and enjoy yourself. If you feel tempted, leave right away.

ScottFromWI

Alcoholics are the "different" ones. By attending the event and not drinking alcoholically, you will actually be in the norm. We falsely assume that "everyone drinks" when in fact most people do not. And the ones that do don't do it obsessively or even think about it. And they won't be thinking about whether you are drinking or not either, they couldn't care less actually.

thekl0wn

Sounds like you've got the alcoholic thinking down pat... I followed the logic of 50% of the event being focused on drinking. However, as I've found in the past few months, many of these events I was attending weren't/aren't as focused on drinking as I made them out to be... It was more that the drinking was the part I was focusing on.

Early(er) in recovery I avoided many of the old situations were I was apt to get drunk, and now if an event holds no interest (other than drinking) I simply don't go.

PurpleKnight

Yeap, my work Xmas night out was my first stressful event, the next were Xmas Day and New Year's eve, my next worry is my sister is getting married this year in June, it's occupying my mind a lot in terms of getting through it sober.

A plan beforehand is the main thing I think, it reduces the stress, knowing what your going to say to people, what time your leaving, how you're going to deal with people around you drinking, it all makes a difference if thought about before the event.

autan

I have been advised to stay away from events involving drinking. At the moment I am little like Bambi, tottering and stumbling through the forest, but getting there some how.

I wont be doing any drinking events such as stag dos. Its time I focused on myself and recover from years of alcohol abuse. For me, its now the time to try and headwind into it.

Thats not good for my sobriety.

HenryKrinkle

How about creating your own event? Maybe invite some classmates out for coffee or something else where alcohol isn't involved?

LadyinBC

When going to any kind of event I always make sure I have a plan in case I need to leave ASAP. I personally don't go any events that involve lots of drinking or has lots of booze because it still bothers me that I can't drink at them. And yes it does make me feel jealous and I'm not afraid to admit it! Admitting these sort of things keeps my head in check.

Anna

What I get from your posts is that you could shift your perspective. You feel like you are different and an outsider by not drinking, but that is your perception. That doesn't make it true. It sounds like your insecurities/bullying issues are more at the heart of the matter, than drinking. Believe in yourself!

If you are concerned about being around alcohol, don't go.